the Was. of Jimmy McVonson - act one; division nine: Killing Myself

suicide, extreme shame

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCCaMfNfPA

my neck was sore when i woke up

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsnVQu9yiR

and i thought

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xIfBSJdOR

i felt brave enough to do it

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmh2ihPl5D

to get rid of myself

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXJmM32YfS

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsQIR1y6zE

you want a reason?

this is my reason:

there is no adult version of me

there is nothing after this

i don't know it

i don't care to know it

i take too much and i give too little

i'm a parasite

and the fact that nobody else is brave enough to say it

only makes it worse

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOD7UtIbqj

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsmzVFm3rq

i didn’t want pops to see me kill myself

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjqSomDmYI

gail wouldn’t have noticed if she did

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtV0vJ6tI2

i decided to go far away

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6wgKNZPYL

i kept walking

until the area stopped feeling like my hometown

it felt like desert

but it wasn’t desert

it was just slightly more rural than i was used to

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod5FxYUGwl

there was a small cramped dairy

the bright colours made me feel like going inside

i’d like to look at all the pretty snacks

but i didn’t go

because it’s not a library

shops expect you to buy stuff

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDA7WUFC9O

it was cold

i was just in a t-shirt and jeans

not a plain t-shirt

never a plain t-shirt

but it wasn’t very warm

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTzXiXPqT9

it started spitting

not too wet

but very cold

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeVnpJvv5B

i said aloud to myself

“let’s get this over with”

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWuGMjxllT

i pretended to myself

that it was a smaller deal

'nothing to worry too much about.'

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmskVL4JeW

there was a brown-orange train track running through the grassy hills

not many people were around

because it was a sunday morning

and it wasn’t a stereotypically beautiful day

but there were still trains

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtv8hekFWTH

i could see one coming

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xqVpNAgQx

i went to stand on the train track

as the train was coming along

i was nervous

or excited

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwekE2l4GXi

to feel the force

i’d never felt before

that was strong enough to kill me

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKhmr8tEKJ

or maybe it’s the train

cutting against the tracks that would do it

would that be possible?

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQIQ7y0dKI

either way i was ready

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDK4DsgjGx7

i wanted to be dead

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY373E9z9l3

now

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eERkFFVcx

but the train stopped

with a loud screech

and someone got out

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujrWvFoGgq

i wasn’t prepared to get yelled at

or to explain myself

or to say sorry

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSnYBeHWr5

i hadn’t considered that the people in the train might be affected too

and that made me feel worse than before

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cLuHh4eXR

so i ran

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNA6L7fIfm

i just fled the scene

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukA2ILwiDz

because there was nothing else i had energy for

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9b5tXIvVjN

fuck.

i tried choking myself with a piece of flax

behind the flax bush where no one could see me

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaD11FLhnf

it didn’t work

it was never going to work

it was a stupid idea

295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEn4nlF26a

and i was stupid

and crouched in a damp bush

with no heart to do anything else

end.295Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQKLaWUOhd

ns216.73.216.82da2

act one; division nine: Killing Myself

註冊

登入

介面語言:

故事語言: