9:53 p.m.

Saturday, November 12th, 2016

I'm not supposed to understand why someone would want to throw themselves off a building.

But I do, because I am that person.

I'm a fucking monster. I never get anything right. I only exist to hurt others.

I'm never going to be fixed, or okay, or alright. I'll always be a fuck up.

No matter how hard I try.

I don't have the motivation to try. I don't have any motivation.

I should shut up about my problems, because nobody gives a shit anyways. They say they do, but I know they don't because that's what everyone in my head says.

I'm only supposed to trust myself, but I don't. I only trust one person, and everyone in my head except myself says that's not okay.

I'm okay with it.

It's the only time I disagree with them.

They tell me to slash my wrists. Stick a knife in my chest. Hit a pressure point hard enough to kill myself.

I can barely even fight it anymore. I need more than one person to support me.

I just don't think anyone else will. I don't think I'll be able to ask anyone else to support me.

I'll write down my problems here, and count the words. 

I want to lock myself in a box and cry. I want to die.

Because I'm not enough.

I'm not enough for my family.

My friends.

My love.

Nobody cares. Nobody does. I know that's true because if anyone saw this, they wouldn't try to fix me themselves. They would find someone else to do it for them.

I know that.

I wish I could lock this so that there's less of a chance of anyone finding it.

I really can't take this anymore. I honestly can't.

It's 10:02 p.m.

And I want to die. 

I'm a mindless fucking bitch who needs to shut up.

I only ever talk, and nobody fucking listens anyways. So, I'll shut up.

No one will notice or care.

Maybe I'll become mute. I'll see my mouth shut and never speak again. I'll just terrify anyone who gets near me.

No one wants to be near me anyways. Having my mouth sewn shut will be a reason for them to abandon me politely.

Politeness.

Something I don't have. I'm a bitch.

Bitches aren't nice.

It's 10:06 p.m.

And I think he's ignoring me.

I deserve it anyways.