Saturday, November 12th, 2016
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I'm not supposed to understand why someone would want to throw themselves off a building.
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But I do, because I am that person.
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I'm a fucking monster. I never get anything right. I only exist to hurt others.
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I'm never going to be fixed, or okay, or alright. I'll always be a fuck up.
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No matter how hard I try.
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I don't have the motivation to try. I don't have any motivation.
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I should shut up about my problems, because nobody gives a shit anyways. They say they do, but I know they don't because that's what everyone in my head says.
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I'm only supposed to trust myself, but I don't. I only trust one person, and everyone in my head except myself says that's not okay.
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I'm okay with it.
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It's the only time I disagree with them.
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They tell me to slash my wrists. Stick a knife in my chest. Hit a pressure point hard enough to kill myself.
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I can barely even fight it anymore. I need more than one person to support me.
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I just don't think anyone else will. I don't think I'll be able to ask anyone else to support me.
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I'll write down my problems here, and count the words.
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I want to lock myself in a box and cry. I want to die.
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Because I'm not enough.
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I'm not enough for my family.
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Nobody cares. Nobody does. I know that's true because if anyone saw this, they wouldn't try to fix me themselves. They would find someone else to do it for them.
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I know that.
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I wish I could lock this so that there's less of a chance of anyone finding it.
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I really can't take this anymore. I honestly can't.
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It's 10:02 p.m.
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And I want to die.
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I'm a mindless fucking bitch who needs to shut up.
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I only ever talk, and nobody fucking listens anyways. So, I'll shut up.
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No one will notice or care.
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Maybe I'll become mute. I'll see my mouth shut and never speak again. I'll just terrify anyone who gets near me.
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No one wants to be near me anyways. Having my mouth sewn shut will be a reason for them to abandon me politely.
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Something I don't have. I'm a bitch.
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Bitches aren't nice.
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It's 10:06 p.m.
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And I think he's ignoring me.
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I deserve it anyways.ns220.127.116.11da2