Mathematically, to understand how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood we must first determine the size and weight of an average woodchuck and the average weight an object must be for a woodchuck to chuck it a minimum of a measurement equal to one quarter the size of an average woodchuck.
So, let us begin. According to the magical knowledge of the Interweb, a fully grown woodchuck weighs roughly 9 pounds, and is around 16 inches long. Therefore, we need to find the amount of force a woodchuck would need to chuck a twig, whixh would be about the equivalent of a normal stick for a human.748Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokMX6olSkJ
Here, the Interweb fails us, so we must instead use the almighty and feared Outerweb. In the Outerweb, we learn that an average twig is about two inches long and one quarter inch thick, and weighs about .05 pounds. It would take 180 twigs to reach the full weight of a woodchuck, but that is not what we are looking for. The Interweb states that a creature's total muscle mass is 35% of their body, and, using the Interweb Calculation Device, we learn that a woodchuck would have roughly 3.15 pounds of muscle.
From the Interweb, we also learn that a pound of muscle can lift roughly 1.5 pounds, but it can only throw about 1 pound per pound of muscle, equalling just over 3 pounds that a woodchuck could chuck.
Now that we have all our math out of the way, we can continue with the actual question. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If we use twigs, .05 pounds of weight, as our unit, we come to the conclusion that a woodchuck could chuck a grand total of 60 twigs. But wait.
That only includes one load at once. We need to know how much energy is required to perform this feat. Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared. If we plug the numbers into the Interweb Calculation Device, we learn that a twig has a mass of .025 pounds per square inch.
Next, we need to know the speed of light squared. Squared means a number times itself. The speed of light is 299792458 meters per second, so this means that the speed of light squared is 89,875,517,900,000,000, or roughly 90 quadrillion meters per second. We have our numbers. Now, we continue. The amount of energy required to throw a SINGLE twig is...
2 quadrillion 246 trillion 887 billion 950 million units of energy. This might seem like a lot, but the average human body holds 14 pentillion units of energy inside of it. Now that we have our number for energy required to throw a single twig, we need to multiply it by 60 to reach the amount of energy required for one throw, and then solve how much energy a woodchuck has.
On the side of the twigs, it would take 134,813,277,000,000,000 units of energy for one chuck of 60 twigs. On the woodchuck side, an average woodchuck has 808,879,661,000,000,000 units of energy. Now, by dividing by 1 trillion first, to remove the zeroes from the equation, we come to having to divide the units of energy in a woodchuck by the amount of energy required to chuck 60 twigs. This equates to just BARELY under six chucks, at 5.99999999999 chucks exactly.
So, we have almost reached the end. All that is left it to multiply 60 by 6. And so, we come to our grand total. A woodchuck could chuck
360 PIECES OF WOOD IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD.
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