8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Aa0vGQsmw
But even so, 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmYmH8RaeD
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcxkksresm
And every image an equal mirror 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaXf6fYfss
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd1AcqNHj2
You've moved up my doe dear, 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCubPaBlMq
From 8 to 80 scenes. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjppoUWoR5
All that follows is true.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvEbI6Fyvq
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzsnzxKF83
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuPkqcMrhU
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1v1MuXwG5E
Now84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3Nrg5teB1
Not tomorrow84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpBATSE817
Yesterday84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGh2D9EjVA
It's happening now84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxKrbiB0z2
The damage today84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6D3o1474TL
The crazed and the misloved84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FcP7L7D9s
It's happening now 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzOAhVDehV
Not tomorrow.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDdwsWT21D
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qhSF44nq5
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDngo71EB1
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmGJSjhwvn
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJW3TozNVNy
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRLF5uSPxl
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiJvrvajBr
Picking at feet with 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqG44nffciP
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7I0HdhmpJu
Crazy. See them come out now84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMmOhRZf0w
Treading around town, 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JocaLLPzw
Don't try to stop them, they’re 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGJFjFNWTy
Starving, crazy. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1BqLQTs59
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Split up into cities devoid of community 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJ7GYVUTQO
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1OEvz5B6D
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHniXq6SydJ
I know 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGHEsAWRqx
I know 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2bMa8wxcG
I know that you hate them. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHi4v4SmpT
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And the universe warps 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorIqfKbp3c
And my blood flow slows 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWntMjL1svF
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3OATGB2Te
As we move further flow.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglIlgdE613
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02xRVKx157
I hear static when I cum84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoyHynL8oT
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSakFjaehH8
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyu1veiIh3
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ebkIsTkIP
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9S3WeEZl6
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0bRSeZlFb
I’ve made such a fuss. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2J6fu1Ba0
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5FUdqBpXv
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6X9gzHzzJ
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpGdB2VkFv
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGR8W9ecABc
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgvw8qvfSR
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCnOZ0q1qN
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVSc8JOfWi
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End. Safe. Found.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6uogdvl7z
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjPGdGycb1
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRPfhdqFQy
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GRYROwQ80
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtVau8vDCn
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSM7mje7qu
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSV3QS8y6H
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy0q0KQVXo
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXKuwEm6mP
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGSFAbwVGw
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6K8LFahUjO
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXWjt9zIWv
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQyqN70Lcp
This world is huge and carnivorous. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHePT64uwU
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZyGNIUFS9
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j2IER9tdb
Of the buildings which once were was.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cVEg3XSJr
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAirAbIRvsF
Part one: I am dead and wake 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1r6rfDxt92
Part two: I feel a new awakening 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Yce3oYpIz
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTnW9RLFmx
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUOK8Eo2Dz
Part V: this was meant to become the end 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNNMVDJj2H
Part 6: But then this 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4epbzoc2l5
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQRDrZYq6Z
Part eight: Backtracking begins 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgDHNCeo4C
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYqzHQYd5X
10: drunk now, I become the ending.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44ypj3yxEA
And that was Begbie’s story... 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBJUQp8og1
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhxXOqQCQh
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoXsgIu3j1
And I do not want this. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWxWpjbuuf
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Always take in more, for security, 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2roUyq5ivV
Now I fly. (…)84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAp2WLHTjka
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbx5x94Zode
The mind: 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnA9q1TEd2
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We touch the world 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHINiL0jKtx
And it all falls away 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSh2JEGcGIQ
We hear the word 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOsOZ6gOQU
But it all burns with the day 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeyikLpcrG
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Now our mother lies in blood 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDrKYkJyKk
Father swims away 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVQkvmDneK
And we find us all alone 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Rj5fpO7XI
Sadness song plays. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXgWso9ILd
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Was it found? 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GVXS1ibB8
What was spent? 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR6NaWOQu0
Now that everything is lost84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKouVotJsy
What was found? What was spent? 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2jz2zz0Sp
But a sadness song. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8rmYlnx5k
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohA9IbGj9r
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