Iris curled up in bed, exhausted. Elera had fussed and fretted over her all day, and while Iris appreciated that, she half wished Char hadn’t told his mother. Now, Elera was helping coordinate wedding plans to take the pressure off of Iris, and she kept asking how Iris was doing, if she needed to take a break, worrying over her and making her worry. They needed to go dress shopping tomorrow, if she felt up to it. Char had to pick out rings and find a place for them to live. The priest would want to meet them before he performed the ceremony.
Iris knew Elera meant well, but it was all too overwhelming.
She was alone now, back in Char’s bedroom at Elera’s house. He was at the barracks, and the fairies were there, too, to keep their kleptomania in check. As she lay there, not sleeping, she wished somebody were here with her. She needed someone. She needed security. But she didn’t want to worry Elera more.
And she didn’t want to worry Elera more.
The crystal pulsed in time with her heartbeat. One. Two Three.
She touched the fingers of her right hand to her chest. Was it the same as reaching out to the whispers with the amulet?
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Mom?”
Bright blue eyes swam into view. She was laughing again, pressing her dimple deep into her left cheek with her smile.
Look, Iris. It’s snow. Isn’t it pretty?
Iris reached out with a tiny hand, trying to catch the snowflakes. Her mother laughed at her clumsy attempts. It was a bubbly sound, like water rushing over stones in a little stream.
Your first snow, Iris. Everything is new when I see it through your eyes.
The cold bit at Iris’ nose and cheeks, but the rest of her was cozy in her mother’s arms. She laughed too, a burbling, giggling baby laugh. She patted her mother's rosy cheek. That was all Iris could see: her mother and the snow surrounding them.
Her mother’s smile faltered.
Now, let’s pray really hard for a warm place to sleep tonight.
Iris yawned and pillowed her cheek on her mother’s shoulder. A gentle hand pulled her blanket up over her head and patted her on the back.
Sleepy baby. You take a nap, and don’t worry about a thing. God always provides.
The vision faded.
Iris opened her eyes and took a deep breath.
Her heart ached. She wished she could have known her mother—really known her. These glimpses into the past made their time together seem so sweet, but it must have been hard for her. A teenage girl on the run, caring for a newborn she didn’t ask for but she loved with all of her heart.
Did she have no family? Nobody who would help her? Or had they rejected her when she came home, broken and afraid, forcing her onto the streets to fend for herself?
Iris didn’t know. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
God always provides.
She couldn’t remember when she had last prayed. Was it when she fled that first battle at Little Rest? Or after that? She wasn’t sure. The worse her situation had become, the harder praying had become. She hadn't been angry with God. She just hadn’t thought about it. Prayer seemed to vanish from her life.
But it had felt like a breath of fresh air to hear Father Peter blessing the meal at the church, and if her mother could still pray after everything she’d been through…
Iris wished she were here. She wished she could talk to her mother, ask her… anything and everything. She had so many questions.
Her mother wasn't here, but Char's mother was.
Iris got out of bed and pulled on her slippers and robe. If Elera was still asleep, she wouldn't wake her, but it wouldn't hurt to check.
Thankfully, Elera's home had wooden doors for privacy and ease of opening. The lack of interior doors in the barracks always made Iris a little uncomfortable, and she hadn’t even tried to move one of the rare stone doors. She wasn’t sure she could.
She padded into the hallway and stopped in front of Elera’s bedroom door. She hesitated, and then she raised her hand to knock, but the door opened before she touched it.
“Iris?” Elera’s blue eyes widened. “Couldn’t sleep either?”
“Um, I…” Now that Iris was face-to-face with Elera, she could think of nothing to say.
“Come with me, dear. I’ll make us some hot tea.”
She followed Elera to the kitchen and sat at the table, watching as the older woman puttered about.
“I’ve been worried about you, Iris. Even before Char told me what happened. You don’t strike me as the kind of girl who wants all of this attention.”
“Not really, no.”
Elera left a kettle of water to warm on the stove and sat next to Iris. “You look like you have something on your mind.”
“I… I’ve been having dreams about my mother. Or, or maybe visions, or memories. I don’t know.”
Elera nodded, encouraging Iris to continue.
“The first one wasn’t very pleasant. She was…” Iris swallowed. “She was raped, too.”
“Oh, the poor thing.”
“But all the dreams since then—or whatever they are—I see her face, and I hear her talking to me… crying when she left me at the church, smiling and laughing when she played with me. She was just a teenager, and she didn’t ask for me, but it seems like she really loved me.”
Elera nodded, tears shimmering in her eyes. “Motherhood is like that. I knew I loved my boys before they were even born.”
“But she was… she was raped,” Iris repeated. “And the dream tonight… She was alone. She was laughing and smiling at my reaction to seeing snow for the first time, but she was worried, too. She was looking for a place just to spend the night. And Micah said it took two years for his master to find her, so that means she was running and hiding for two years.”
“Iris.” Elera sighed and gave Iris’ hand a light squeeze. “I can’t imagine what your mother went through. Maybe she didn’t want you at first. I’ve known women who don’t feel an instant connection when they’re pregnant, but as soon as the baby is born, as soon as they see them and hold them for the first time, they fall in love. It isn’t a choice. It just happens. Regardless of how she came to have you, she loved you, and that’s okay.”
The kettle whistled. Elera rose to attend to it, and Iris sat still, repeating those words in her mind.
She loved you, and that’s okay.
Iris took a deep breath and let it out. The comforting smell of herbal tea filled the air. Elera returned with a cup of tea for herself and another for Iris.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Elera sat with a sigh. “You’re a wonderful girl, Iris, and you’ve been through far too much, but it’s okay for you to let it go and be happy. Enjoy those precious moments with your mother in your dreams. She loved you, and I love you, and Char loves you, and Rath loves you, too, in his own way. You’re part of our family now, and whatever you need, we’re here for you, so just ask, okay?”
A tear slipped down Iris’ cheeks. “Okay.”
They talked, hugged, and cried throughout that long night, drinking tea and, eventually, making cookies. When dawn broke and the moss on the ceiling brightened, Elera stood from the table, yawning.
“Well, this old woman needs to get some sleep.”
“You’re not old.”
Elera smiled and patted Iris’ head. “Thank you for that, but my body says otherwise. I think dress shopping will have to wait until this afternoon.”
“That’s fine. I should probably go to bed, too.”
Elera shook her head. “Stay here a little longer. I’m sure Char will be by to see you soon.” She winked. “Good night, Iris. Or rather, good morning, I guess.”
Iris giggled. “Good morning, Elera.”
Then, Iris sat at the table alone, looking around the kitchen. The green and gold scales surrounding the window shone in the brightening light of the ceiling moss. Elera had talked about Jarth quite a lot over the past few hours. Iris wished she could have met him.
She sighed and stood, heading to the stove. If she didn’t do something, she would fall asleep, and she and Elera had washed and put the dishes away a long time ago. All that remained of their night was a plate of cookies on the table. She might as well make breakfast before Char arrived.
Just thinking about him warmed her heart and made her smile. If nothing else, she needed to thank God for Char.
“Good morning, Iris.”
She jumped and spun around at Char’s voice in her ear. His teasing green eyes were right behind her. She couldn’t even get a word out before he kissed her.
“Char! You startled me!”
He grinned and pulled her close. “That was the point.”
She tried to scowl at him, but it didn’t quite work when she was blushing all the way to her ears. “What if I’d burned myself?”
His grin widened. “The stove isn’t even lit.”
“Well… it could have been.”
He kissed her again, and she couldn’t keep up the act. She wrapped her arms around his neck, returning kiss for kiss, and his hands slid around and down to her hips, up to her waist, around to her back and up her spine, moving as often as he changed the angle of his kisses. He seemed to be in a hurry and no hurry at all.
And she didn't mind.
They were mid-kiss when his hands wandered down her hips to her thighs, and then he scooped her up, lifting her onto the stove without breaking the kiss.
“Ow. This isn’t very comfortable.” She looked down and behind her as she shifted on the grates covering the burners.
Char’s fingers caught her chin and guided her to look at him. He brushed her hair back from her face. “You look tired.”
She nodded. “Elera and I were up all night talking. I’ll go back to bed after breakfast. Speaking of which—”
Then he scooped her up again, this time, bridal-style, and she threw her arms around his neck on instinct.
“Char! What are you doing?”
“Taking care of my girl. Breakfast can wait.”
It felt like her heart did no fewer than three somersaults.
He carried her back to his room and pressed her into the sheets with another kiss. Then he lay down beside her and kissed her again as he pulled her close, and she was cuddling up to him even while trying a weak protest.
“Don’t you have things to do?”
“Yeah, but it can wait.” He stroked her cheek with the back of his finger and smiled. “If you’re having trouble sleeping, my mother won’t mind if you climb into bed with her. But she won’t do this.”
Iris didn’t know how many more of his kisses she could take. He was restraining himself now, but even his tender, chaste kisses made her heart pound and her cheeks flush, and the way he was stroking her hair and her back…
A moan slipped out of her. She blushed deeper at his triumphant smirk. “I thought you wanted me to go to sleep.”
“Yeah, but no harm in having a little fun first, right?”
She buried her face in his chest . “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you. You make me so…”
He chuckled. “Care to finish that thought?”
She shook her head, refusing to look at him. Her cheeks were blazing hot.
His lips brushed against her ear. “Guess you’ll have to marry me to figure it out.”
Trouble. He was so much trouble—had been from the start.
But he kissed her temple and fell quiet, and as she lay there, warm and comfortable, she felt drowsiness tugging at her. And she felt happy.
And for the first time in a while, she didn’t feel guilty about it.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Uw2x73R9t
