(from Olivia's blog on ODISPARO.COM - June 29, 2025)
I have a scarlet letter. I’ve spent the past 11 years writing and rewriting the same story. Though the quality of the drafts and my writing overall have improved, I still haven’t released this book in a permanent way. It feels like I’m holding onto my child for dear life when my kid’s hair has already gone gray.
Eleven Long Years
I’m not proud of spending that long working on a single book. I’d even call it embarrassing. In my defense, it’s not an unfinished draft. There’s a full book with a complete plotline, and during these past 11 years I also wrote a sequel and started planning a third installment. I also created five other universes in that time (including a full volume of a graphic novel), with each one an iteration of my themes and connected to each other*. So it’s not like I’ve only been absorbed by this single title—I’ve created lots of scaffolding to go around it, each story unique and complex on their own. However, after 11 years, I’d say my progress has been rich creatively but nonexistent outside of my head. I can blame life issues, and yes it’s valid, but no excuse will manifest dreams into reality.
(*Links and info coming soon)
Promises and Regrets
My biggest regret in all this is not delivering to readers what the stories promise. I’ve shared my writing freely over those 11 years, posting on various serial fiction sites and encountering all sorts of people who connected with my fiction. It’s always a pleasant surprise as a more unusual horror creator, and those interactions continue to linger with me. I do carry a fear that I’ll be gone before I can finish all the story threads I created, and the reality is: that’s likely to happen unless I start completing things and moving forward. And the only way to mark that completion is by publishing the books so they exist in full form, even if that means self-publishing. Even if that means doing it all myself in the most indie way possible, all by my lonesome.
I started the process a couple years ago to make things real by starting an indie company to house all my creations, including my writing and art. I named the imprint for that little company Dark Dreamer (I use this name all the time, thanks to my character Talitha) that’ll house all my published creations in this collection. The goal is not only to create a legacy of my work, but also to have a permanent presence that’s easy to find.
I’ve hidden for a long time behind sporadic appearances and sudden disappearances, always excusing myself that it’s part of my creative cycle. And it is. But at some point, self-destruction becomes a vanity when it prevents me from moving ahead, or disappoints the people who dare to invest themselves in me and my creations. I say I love doing this all the time, and that I can’t imagine life not being a creator. But creators have to actually produce at some point, or else they’re just dreamers.
The Path Going Forward
This blog post marks my formal start in gathering 11 years of work and presenting them as my catalogue. I think all the time about the readers and spectators who perhaps would like to see my work return in a way they can experience reliably, and also the new audience out there who may have never heard of me, but might also want to check out what I make. The change is happening on this site most, and trickling down to my other presences on the web. Some platforms are staying, others are going, all is in flux, but at the end there will be a foundation to build on.
Since I’m still very indie (read:solo) and have only finite time to both create and refine, I’m shifting to a method where I can share all my in-progress work, even the messy beginnings and pages of brainstorming and research. That’ll be my new creative space, and I’m inviting everyone who finds my work intriguing to follow along and see the journey. I’ll be sharing how i write, how i struggle (like keeping a blog), what goes into making my fiction and art, and what development looks like to the bitter end.
I’ve always felt the readers and supporters who ‘get’ what I’m doing share an unspoken bond with me. My style’s often brutally honest and unapologetic, and the horror’s unsettling, disturbing, or terrifying. The humor’s a welcome distraction from pain, landing sometimes irreverent and sometimes dark. Human (or nonhuman) elements in the lives and relations of the characters pierce the heart and twist situations into impossible, unsolvable angles. Ah, the power of both love and hate.
I write to form an experience and a journey. It’ll take all of you to reach the end of the book in one piece. At least, that’s what I aim for.
Will my stories change you? Can they make you think? Possibly. The shift from simmering in private to being a more public creator will give you the opportunity to decide. Despite the darkness I write, I also want to entertain, meaning a lot of my refinement efforts go into smoothing out prose to make it easier to read, and wrestle with the delivery to balance the intensity with the quiet moments. It’s a labor of love to organize it all, and I have that permanent kind of love that I hope translates into what I release.
Endless Roads
This isn’t a State Of The Union address, but it is the state of Olivia Disparo, the modern horror writer and artist. If you encounter this introduction and/or have experienced my stories either now or in the past, I hope you join me on my journey and stick around to see the fruits from the great tree. I’m still walking through the garden and it seems like there’s no end in sight, but that might be the key: there is no end. It’s just one moment after the other, passing endlessly. Regardless of the direction we end up taking, we’ll make the best of this, and enjoy the flowers.
Thanks for stopping by. The blog entries will continue until morale improves.
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Love Always,10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TD72kILrg
Olivia Disparo
