在與陳冬月告別之後，賴夏陽陸續找了他的親生父母。
賴夏陽沒住在媽媽家已經好一陣子了，真正的理由從來沒講過。也許是太吵、太累、太多話說不出口。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbTzIrE4DG
但這天，他提前傳了訊息給她：
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8okdh7sVd
【晚上有空嗎？我想吃妳煮的麻油雞。】
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媽媽秒回：
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【怎麼突然想吃這個？你發燒？】
【可以。七點回來。】
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傍晚六點五十七分，他出現在熟悉的巷口，背著包，走進那間不大的公寓。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1GxcON06C
門一打開，就是熟悉的聲音：「你知道你從國中開始只要說想吃我煮的，一定是心情不好。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUhzKp6bn2
他沒回嘴，只換了拖鞋，坐進餐桌前。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuZpShbJzi
桌上湯還在滾，香氣四溢。媽媽盛了一碗給他，還附了滿滿一碗飯：「來，先吃。我還煎了你最愛的豆皮蛋。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvCbgiKJo0
「媽。」他沒動筷子，只是抬起頭看她，「我有件事，要跟妳講。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSvjZo1449
媽媽皺眉：「你交女朋友了？」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDMqN12TQO
他搖頭又點頭。
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「你要轉學？」
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再搖頭。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzPA7jzt2R
「……那是什麼事？」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kiR2QzjKQ
他低下頭，把那一疊醫院檢查報告從背包裡拿出來，輕輕推到她面前。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Q4AEV5iz5
「媽，我得癌症了。肺腺癌第四期，醫生說，剩下三個月左右。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86XSV90yhU
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那一刻，時間停住了。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYDuCVf8z7
媽媽的手懸在空中，沒接報告，眼神一瞬間從驚愕，變成失焦。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7wAH9mBsT
她張口，像想說什麼，最後卻只擠出一句：「你在開玩笑對不對。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NobepHhDO
他搖頭。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAyXtlDcsh
「這不是真的。」她立刻站起來，走到廚房，像是在逃避什麼，「你才十六歲，你怎麼可能——你以前有咳嗽嗎？有血嗎？醫生是不是看錯了——」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztALDimcEl
「是真的。」他的聲音很低，卻像石頭一樣落進她的耳朵。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwkwzkV6oH
她停在水槽前，手還捏著湯杓，背對著他不動了。
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—
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沉默很久很久。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesnF4JSYg9
賴夏陽終於說話：「我不是想讓妳擔心，我只是覺得——妳有權知道。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjepiaIq0s
媽媽的肩膀抖了一下。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpDpsEIFBF
「我不會馬上走，醫生說還有三個月。我會吃藥、我會乖一點。妳不要哭，好不好？」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdeen5R2j4
他站起身，走近她，卻在她背後停住。
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「我知道妳以前覺得我不夠用功、不夠成熟，什麼都吊兒郎當……但我真的有在努力活得像個讓妳不失望的兒子。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PCifc8O6K
他很想擁抱她，但又怕她會崩潰。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcfRWH8DYj
媽媽終於開口，聲音嘶啞卻克制：
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VM2dhn9g8
「你現在是在跟我告別嗎？」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXeLa2Fo9V
「不是。」他看著她的背影，輕輕說：「我只是想回家吃頓飯。」
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她終於轉過身來，眼眶紅了，但努力沒讓眼淚掉下來。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFMsjV1kLQ
她走過來，狠狠抱住他，像抱住什麼就不會被命運搶走似的。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE8qvOrYyr
「你給我撐過去，聽到沒有。」
「我會的。」
「你說過的話，不准反悔。」
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9FkEK6HVu
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhbfgnonpi
那頓飯他們後來沒有吃完。麻油雞冷掉了，蛋也煎焦了。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeLmQZHUlG
但那晚，是他這輩子第一次覺得媽媽的懷抱不是責備，是心疼。
飯沒吃完。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuUx1AUqo9
夏陽坐在沙發上，抱著膝蓋，像個長大後還學不會放鬆的孩子。媽媽坐在他對面，眼神一直看著他，卻沒再問什麼。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFLof0qyaj
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NUmNmT4c3
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過了很久，他才開口：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8rdbki9Kx
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaQVbuw6eJ
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「媽，我想去找爸爸。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEMp0b4b5F
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媽媽聞言一怔，眉頭微微皺起：「你要找他做什麼？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBKGLQsR5F
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70kJh5OTqX
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sCMX6gP7b
他低頭，聲音很淡：「只是想……親口跟他說。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5066Wg9b7
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbYwWz4t6t
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREH0oqqHDk
她沉默幾秒，然後問：「他知道你生病了嗎？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLAPganLTn
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UPhF1AQTr
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「不知道。妳也知道，我們平常……也沒聯絡。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH40eCmNGt8
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAfWoDwCeQ
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媽媽點點頭，沒說話。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxsezzcKJx
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1jXALA2JR
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客廳陷入短暫的靜默，空氣中只剩下時鐘秒針的聲音。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49qsJ8p1K6
賴夏陽沒想到媽媽會同意，正準備站起來走人，媽媽卻忽然開口：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSCOFdhATc
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejGkcQbhJS
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSj6dfbUyA
「我陪你一起去。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6159SngNb
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRvsqYJ2OV
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他抬起頭，有些訝異。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwxX8cIXpS
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwYuIHWlaj
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「妳要一起去？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBD5ebFOumy
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JTm1NwxoP
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWs3biI1xi
「不行嗎？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZvTuYdyBn
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「……只是覺得妳應該不想見他。」他輕聲說。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBvvOXyImc
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavCirkqwXj
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRZCx7k9yp
媽媽垂下眼眸，手指緊緊握著膝蓋，過了幾秒才回話：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmUWmqOo2a
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEVwjadTKC
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「不想見是以前的事了。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENQGj5qANO
她抬起頭，語氣平靜卻堅決：「現在我怕我不去，你一個人撐不住。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5U30MlvLD
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwrIDDRiwx
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqmVjD2urx
夏陽看著她，眼底有一閃而過的顫動。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxxowY9zt3
但他笑了笑，點點頭。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk1C4RbNfC
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「好。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiU8yDO7MZ
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—20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2ukmItCa2
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那天晚上，他沒回去自己的宿舍。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnOyJL83wN
媽媽把客房整理好，還拿出一床很舊的棉被，是他小時候常蓋的那條，邊角已經起毛球。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevEgWYAcIy
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ItXhfPL30
「我曬過了，還有點太陽味。」她放好被子，小聲地說。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdCbHYRVY1
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2WKI7eWPB
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmaBVERSz5
夏陽沒說什麼，只是輕輕地：「謝謝。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccoIx7OSIu
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQOWsDBTOi
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ541yS5FDrU
門要關上前，媽媽站住腳，回過頭：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDycvhJib72
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「夏陽……」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1wOtAB2NQ
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPJHNJbdg1
「嗯？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE94klQPjF
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJVAH4mNdO
「你要是累了，就讓我知道。我知道我以前太多話，現在我……只想陪著你，好不好？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsqHX03Ylw
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSUm0ahZTV
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSu6Hk1Vfpd
—20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDdsnmJwfd
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ey05SZ4Pa
房間裡的燈漸漸熄了。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDtSzvlaLf
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01UkRu0Ae9
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夜色籠罩整棟屋子。母子倆在不同的房間，卻第一次在這樣寧靜的夜裡，靠得這麼近。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiQ6Jb0P9e
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這一晚，沒有誰睡得很好，但兩人都沒有開燈。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEEKORp9qY
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhzh4MebYe
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因為有些心事，已經不需要再說出口。
黃昏的光靜靜灑落公園。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWu00gxkfal
賴夏陽坐在長椅上，雙手插在外套口袋裡，一臉平靜。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLuIo9NxlQ
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他媽媽站在不遠處，一直沒說話，只是安靜地陪著。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdtSuSvXKp
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrebCvwDro
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xCD50rNIN
不久，一道熟悉又有些陌生的腳步聲靠近了。是他的爸爸，穿著筆挺西裝，手裡還拿著剛下班的公事包。看到他們倆，他愣了一下，眉頭微微皺起。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsaySQbepx
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「怎麼妳也在？」他問。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7HCmukg0j
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTTruHXKOU
媽媽沒有回話，只淡淡說了一句：「我只是陪兒子。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtmAVtAeUl
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ffc8GI6LP
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三人之間的空氣有點凝重。夏陽拍拍旁邊的座位：「爸，坐一下。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbI0rBRsy6y
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8CBqi3LsI
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXvHtg8ELT
他爸爸猶豫了幾秒，還是坐下了。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0EzEB9GtK
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夏陽看著地面，語氣平靜到有些冷靜：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DlxZy7W7J
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「我有件事要說。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Y1Pn7KSUX
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWOZvoIfbU
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他從外套裡拿出那張已經有些皺的診斷報告，遞過去。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRn5MBGFhP2
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUFRExLSz8
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQPze0wekw
爸爸接過報告，看了一眼，臉色頓時僵住。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5WbnDnsn7
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbWKpT9rYv
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「癌症……？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0vlUaqDuH
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixVq4GKx6W
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「嗯，末期，三個月。」夏陽的聲音像是說著別人的事。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwXmg2FdF9
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYACCaq1zN
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「你什麼時候知道的？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyeoIuutYs
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2IkjEqfyk
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「前幾天。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6mdnBrnl5
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爸爸緊緊捏著那張報告，眼神彷彿不知該看哪裡。他想說什麼，但喉嚨像被堵住一樣，只擠出一句：「為什麼……為什麼不早點說？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsl1pmDMva
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5z5Evjgx9B
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夏陽沒有立刻回話，而是望向遠方那一片橘紅色的天光。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFu5w7V4JM
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「我不是不說……是我不知道該跟你說什麼。以前我們太少說話了，說多了像是冒犯，說少了又像陌生人。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtIR1kPJRG
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他媽媽這時才緩緩開口，語氣輕得像風一樣：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuu946eNWF
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「你以前太忙了，錯過了很多……我沒資格責怪你，因為我也一樣。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4z2LfkXLo
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爸爸望了她一眼，眼神裡有一絲說不出的歉意。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhztCmfBr6c
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夏陽笑了笑，目光落在自己腳尖：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBeHD2IQm9
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「爸，我今天找你來，不是要討什麼。不是要你愧疚、補償、負責……我只想說一聲：我真的曾經很想要你多看我一點。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqggHCzskZI
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他抬頭看著父親的眼睛，那雙曾經讓他感到遙遠的眼睛。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1a4J10O0M
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「哪怕只是一次，真的為我感到驕傲。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYloD1OHxno
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那句話像是劃開了一道裂縫。父親的眼神終於撐不住，紅了眼眶。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwk3IEokpBR
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他開口，聲音沙啞：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzND9DhvZ0
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「對不起……夏陽。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2Utb02KS1
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他媽媽站在旁邊，眼圈也紅了，轉過臉擦掉悄悄滑下來的淚。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUC4I6M8Fn
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父親看著兒子，說：「如果可以，我想陪你……後面這些日子，哪怕只是開車、陪你吃飯、哪怕只是看你寫字——都好。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHfw8PhmQ8
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夏陽搖搖頭，眼神溫柔卻堅定：20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucSrqXcDx9
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「爸、媽……謝謝你們今天肯來。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwBF1qq592
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他站起來，背對夕陽，影子被拉得很長。20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMI4PusXnH
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「但我要走了。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCTcVLaDZ2
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兩人愣了一下：「去哪？」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlra2Pzq1Q
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他笑著說：「去做一件事，在還來得及的時候。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJiQEAw2AL
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JkPTDXrEX
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「我不想讓她哭，也不想你們送我最後一程。我想……她記得的，是我在最開心的那幾天。」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWAMjOkEKK
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媽媽急忙問：「你要去哪？你……」20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmTrC0duAC
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「東北，下雪的地方。」
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爸爸點了點頭，沒有阻止。只是背對他，靜靜說了一句：
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「那就快去吧，趁你還走得動的時候。」
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20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKPtusqItQ
夜裡兩點，夏陽穿上外套，背著那只常背的包，輕手輕腳走出門。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOYPhTXee0
媽媽房間沒燈，但他知道她其實沒睡。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoKeX6ZC0l
他站在門邊停了很久，終究沒有打開那扇門。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ysEMmv4ya
桌上留著三封信，還有一份他自己去訂好的機票副本。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ028WI7Ublc
【媽】
謝謝妳今天陪我，也謝謝你的養育。
我不是想逃，我只是想用我剩下的力氣，再去看一次雪，去完成心裡那點任性的願望。
我不想讓妳看到我一天天虛弱下去，那太殘忍了。
我希望你能每天開開心心、健健康康。
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【爸】
你說得對，我最終還是變得有點像你。
但我知道你不是真的不愛我，你只是……不會說。
我也是。
所以這封信是我能給你的擁抱。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozgP1u72al
【小月亮】
你一直問我，如果世界末日來了，我會不會還選擇喜歡你。
現在我可以告訴你，我的世界已經在倒數了，但我的答案還是你。
謝謝你喜歡我。
我想讓你記得的，不是我死去的樣子，而是我們最後一起看星星的那天，還有你抱著我說，我是你的太陽。
可是小月亮，我的天光快熄了。
你要答應我，等太陽落下的時候，你還是會好好活著，照亮別人。
我們分手吧，還有我愛你。
—
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清晨六點，媽媽起床，發現他房間空空的，桌上的信躺在光裡。
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她沒有馬上打開，只是手指在信紙上來回撫摸。
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爸爸也收到簡訊提醒，有張圖，是機票的登機證。
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEuZxPh2jn
而陳冬月，在學校下課時，收到一封沒有寄件人名字的信。她一看筆跡，手立刻抖了。
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那天的太陽很冷，冬天剛開始，風大得像一個沒來由的預告。
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她轉頭奔跑出去，眼淚在風裡炸開。
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