Monday, August 4 - The Coalition
The last week was marked by uncertainty. We all followed the news in silence, holding our breath at every report about a possible coalition. David became more and more absorbed in his research, while continuing to act as if everything would be alright. I took refuge in my mantra and working with the horses.
On Monday, I walked down the stairs in front of the main house with Pola in tow. I had been persuaded to drive into town with me. In my opinion, she desperately needed to get off the farm, and there was nothing wrong with a relaxing stroll through the nearby small town.
I had just put one foot on the gravel and unlocked the car when I saw a horsebox driving down the avenue. At the wheel was a breeder who had his small stable just a few villages away. He looked serious. He had been bringing his horses to this farm for decades. When he saw us, he gave us only a brief greeting and eventually parked in front of the stable.
The mood had been generally strange since the election. Tense, bitterly positive, and as if everyone was looking for a rock to cling to.
Pola stretched and almost slid down the stairs as she tried to catch a glimpse of the van. I grabbed her shoulders just in time. "He used to say hello!" She clicked her tongue dismissively.
The hatch opened, and he led out a young gelding. His dark coat glistened in the sunlight. The horse played excitedly with its ears.
As if on cue, David and Hassan also came out of the stable.
"He looks serious," Pola said thoughtfully. "Do you think something's happened? Girls, check your smartphone to see if there's anything online."
I shook my head. "Otherwise, David and Hassan wouldn't be so calm. Let's go. My trainer is coming at three." But I couldn't tear my eyes away from the men either. There was really something going on! My gut feeling screamed it almost so loudly that everyone had to hear it. They were talking too intensely, and Hassan hadn't immediately started to roughly examine the horse like he usually does.
Pola pushed against my shoulder from behind. "I want to go, but I'm not moving! My goodness, you young people!"
The feeling lingered, bubbling deep in my gut, eating into my bones. If I thought things would get better on the way to town, I had cut myself deeply.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRPWJKYMTw
Quite the opposite. I turned on the radio, simply because I wasn't sure if I wanted to listen to music with Pola, and was about to turn it off again shortly after the driveway. As fields of rolling grain, lush meadows with black-and-white cows, and trees with crows lurking as they flew past us, the radio announcer announced as professionally as she could. "Today, the new right announced that the coalition negotiations are concluded."
Pola turned the radio up. Her fingers trembled, and she didn't tuck the strand of hair that had escaped from her bun behind her ear.
I clenched my jaw, gripped the steering wheel, and tried to breathe calmly. David wasn't here to pull me out of my excessive panic if the news was bad.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQXw6iBbBM
"This is Rebecca Neuer from Berlin."
"Thanks, Ola. History has just been made here in Berlin. For the first time since the 1920s, a demonstrably right-wing party is sitting in the federal government outside of the opposition." A warm, far too soothing voice had replaced the usual presenter. The hairs on my arms immediately stood on end. "A good hour ago, the New Right, the Christian Democratic Union (CD) alliance, and the Christian Democrats concluded their negotiations. Together, they will form the first blue-purple-black coalition government. It will be exciting to see how the CD alliance will contribute. Experts still doubt the party's ability to govern. The results of the contract negotiations will likely trickle down to us next Wednesday. At least, the leader of the New Right, Bernd Höfer, has announced that he will present a coalition agreement this month. With that, back to the studio and back to my colleague Ola Becker."
The street suddenly seemed eerily gray to me. Much longer than usual. More dreary. Less green.
Pola slowly reached out to turn down the radio. She took a deep breath. With her eyebrows furrowed, she shook her head. "These people are beyond saving. Right-wingers." She laughed. "Who wants them? Why? They're just destroying things!"
I wanted to laugh. I would have loved to make a joke, but my mouth felt dry and I had to concentrate on staying on track. "Everything will be fine!" 8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVrpFiBYMH
"Ah! To be that young again. So naive and clueless!" Thanks, Pola! That
was insensitive! I loved her—I really did! But in that moment, I could have killed her.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMr6JXI8Es
I blinked and suppressed the urge to tell her that I knew very well how disastrous it all was, but there was nothing we could do about it. I couldn't change it. I hadn't voted for any of them, but the majority had decided, and I, like all of them, had to live with that decision. What could I do about it?8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuO0SBCQ3x
"You have to turn. This way is faster." Pola pointed to the road into the village. From a distance, I could already see a blue flag in front of the farm on the far right, just before the edge of the village. Everything in me wanted to stop, tear down the flag, and just not be the nice girl for once. "He was always stupid," Pola commented on the sight. "All of his sons are, what do you call them? Losers?"8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PtsYGvvHb
"Are they the ones with the mopeds?"8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMLFRj2YBf
She nodded. "Yes, they're always too loud and hang around in the most unlikely places. They should be working, not spitting on foreigners. If they want their jobs, all they have to do is ask."
The mood in the city was hardly better. Here and there, you could see flags or stickers of the New Right or the Alliance for the Democratic Party (CD). I had never noticed how many people proudly supported these parties. I felt worse and worse the longer we walked through the city. While I had initially wanted to spend a lovely morning with Pola, simply because she had earned it and would never allow herself to do so, I actually just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.
The city center was as crowded as ever. A few older people looking at the shop windows. Young people going to a kiosk on their break, people on their way to work. Everything seemed so normal.
As we passed a kiosk where two elderly men in faded T-shirts, the print of which was barely legible, were leaning on one of the bar tables, we were eyed critically. Their gazes practically devoured the light fabric of my top. Uncomfortably, I hunched my shoulders and walked a little faster. Uncomfortable!8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaOHmfuxid
"No one would have walked around like that back then!" I heard one of the men say. "Then they shouldn't be surprised if they get raped by foreigners. They can't control themselves."8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGG1ZMNDqz
I felt sick! How could anyone come up with such a thin plank? They were probably thinking about Muslims, but all the Muslims I knew were far more respectful to me than these men were even remotely. Stupid barroom slogans! Trite, outdated, and simply the worst!8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa11fF82UlO
I rolled my jaw and wrapped my arms around my torso. There was nothing suggestive about this top! I wanted to turn around and tell them what I thought. If I'd been just a little bit braver, I probably would have done that, too.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzZswvZ2wa
Pola grabbed my arm. She pushed me forward firmly, continuing to shield me from the two slobbering sacks. "Unbelievable!" she murmured.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ559UfAwGA0
I nodded, staring stubbornly at the sidewalk. Unbelievable wasn't even the word for it!8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOjiS3Gwre
"Forget our plans!" she decreed. "We're going home, girls! I know you wanted us to spend a nice morning in the city, but I've lost the desire for coffee!" Her grip tightened.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciYai5aUGK
I took a deep breath. I sought her gaze. She looked at me gently and benevolently with her old gray eyes. "We're going! No buts!"8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng0yc7g610
Nevertheless, I opened my mouth. I didn't want to admit defeat like this. I was giving the right-wing power over me, those men, if we left now.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxKBGlByBp
Pola shook her head again, however. This time with more emphasis. "We're going! Then let's have a coffee at the café by the mill on the way back to the farm and pick up some cake for this afternoon."
Hesitantly, I pulled my car keys out of my pocket and swallowed. I stroked the soft, smooth fabric of my blouse. "Sounds good." Sounds like defeat, acceptance. I turned around again and looked at the men at the bar table. They had now turned to a mother in a hijab who was pushing her stroller with a loving smile. She looked happy. Quite the opposite of the men. Maybe that was her problem. Not the foreigners, but her own dissatisfaction with life. Disgusting!
I quickly averted my gaze and walked quickly, turning onto the path to the parking lot. Pola hurried after me.
We were silent on the drive. Unfortunately, the mill had closed, so we drove straight home. My blood was still boiling. I could still hear that voice in my ears. I was disgusted with myself for not being able to just shake it off.
The sight of the avenue gave me a familiar sense of calm. It suddenly seemed like a barrier between my perfect world and the shattered reality. There was something calming about it.
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