“What if it was the other way around?”
Still lying together late at night, Cassandra glanced over at Leanne and gazed questioningly into her green-blue eyes. “What if it was the other way around?”
“What if it were me who’d killed someone for whatever reason, and you knew it? Would you call the cops on me or no?”
Cassandra smiled, almost as if they were engaged in an amusing guessing game. “Depends on what you killed them for and why.”
Leanne studied her partner’s dark eyes.
“You know I killed by accident and then for fear of being exposed for a murder that was really an accident.”
“So?”
“So what if you suddenly knew I killed someone simply because I didn’t like the color of their shirt? Would you call the cops on me then?”
Leanne pondered the question within her mind.
“Be honest.”
“At this point, no, but I would fear for my own safety. That’s what I’m trying to assess here. People would no doubt say that if you could kill Brittany, in a state of panic or not, you could kill me, too.”
“Do you think I could?”
“I hope not, but I guess I never can really know something like that. Only you can know the answer to that, or maybe not even you know. Maybe you think you’d never harm me, but maybe circumstances could arise to change that belief.”
“So what are you trying to say, Leanne?”
“That if I knew you weren’t going to hurt me, I wouldn’t rat you out.”
“But you just said you don’t know if I would or not.”
“I don’t. All I can do is be the biggest fool there ever was and just hope to hell you never do.”
Life went on for Leanne and Cassandra. Leanne settled into her new job at the pet store and often wondered if Cassandra was testing her and even grooming her for a life of vigilantism right alongside her. Leanne didn’t know just how many people Cassandra might have killed, but the attractive nurse spoke less of Angel and Brittany and more of the idea of ridding the city of its “subhuman” scum, one junkie and one wife beater at a time.
“What’s inspiring you to consider taking such risks?” Leanne asked her one sunny Sunday.
“The shit I see at work.”
Leanne thought a moment and then said, “I like the idea, but I’m not so sure about the risks.”
“It would definitely be risky if you weren’t careful,” Cassandra agreed.
“Still think you’ll want to go to Italy?”
“I’m not sure anymore. Maybe it’s something that’s better off postponed at least for a while.”
“You wouldn’t be any safer over there. If anyone ever tied you to Angel and Brittney, they do have an extradition treaty with the US, you know, and at the risk of sounding selfish, I kind of like being with you.”
Cassandra smiled and said, “Yeah, I’ve gotten used to you, too. More so than I planned or wanted to.”
“As they say, life isn’t what we plan it to be.”
“No. It sure isn’t.
As more time passed, Cassandra never spoke of disposing of the city’s trash disguised as human beings, and so Leanne didn’t bring up the subject. Instead, she started an affair with Dawn.
The good girl. Miss Prim and Proper. The girl voted most likely to succeed, who had always done the right thing but who now had a low-paying, part-time job and wasn’t so perfectly correct anymore.
The pet store was small, and so it was often just her and her manager present in the store. Dawn was in her mid-thirties and was what Leanne would describe as being on the pleasant side of plain. She was slender with straight shoulder-length dark hair and dark eyes. She wore silver-rimmed glasses, but they didn’t detract from her looks.
It wasn’t like the store was bustling with customers every few minutes, so she and Dawn had a lot of time to chat. When it came out that they both preferred women, the two spoke more and more freely about their personal lives. Dawn spoke of cutting ties with a younger woman named McKenzie after she caught her cheating on her, and Leanne confessed to being dumped by Kelli for a man.
Leanne played down her relationship with Cassandra so she’d have a better chance of having the best of both worlds and adding variety to her life, which she’d never done before. Why invest two years into a relationship just to get dumped in the end anyway? Yet as much as she hit it off with Dawn and found her attractive – though not nearly as attractive as her deadly housemate – she only had hopes of a sexual relationship with Dawn and not a romantic one.
What bothered her most of all wasn’t just her inability to do the right thing and report Cassandra, but her growing fondness for the woman. The woman had guts. She did what she felt was right in her heart of hearts and not what society or any law said. There was something to be admired in one who lived independently of sorts. If Cassandra wanted to wear a particular outfit, she wore it. If she wanted to go to a particular place, she went there. If she wanted you dead, she would kill you.
She worried that the fondness wasn’t quite mutual. Cassandra definitely cared for her, but she feared she was just a convenience to her. Someone to keep her house and satisfy her in bed until she felt it was time to move on. Leanne hoped it was all in her mind simply because of what happened with Kelli and that she wasn’t really just a fill-in for the nurse.
She also worried that Dawn was getting a bit too attached. Nonetheless, she enjoyed her company and didn’t want to do anything that could jeopardize her job. Ok, so mixing business with pleasure wasn’t always a smart thing to do, but with the way the economy was at the moment, she didn’t want to have to go looking for another job so soon after starting a new one either.
It was when Dawn suggested they get together outside of work that Leanne became more hesitant. Getting together with Dawn could really complicate things. On the other hand, she was only human. She was attracted to Dawn and Dawn was attracted to her. Dawn was a simple person. She didn’t possess the complexities that Cassandra possessed. There was no risk in being with Dawn other than the risk of Cassandra finding out about it.
Keeping in touch with Alexis by phone and by email, Leanne slowly let her in on her affair, if you could even call it that, with Dawn. She didn’t, however, divulge Cassandra’s deep, dark secret. She still wasn’t sure why, though. Perhaps it was because she truly believed Cassandra wasn’t into thrill kills. Or maybe that’s what she really wanted to believe at the time. She never had a reputation for being naïve, but whether or not she was naïve in this case, she firmly believed Cassandra had killed Angel by accident and that she’d killed Brittany in a legal form of self-defense. Would Leanne herself kill to keep her own skin out of a possible lengthy prison sentence? You bet she would! She would hate to do it, but that defensive reflex would surely kick in whether she wanted it to or not. The instinct one has for self-preservation, be it to survive death, illness, injury or even a legal battle, is a mighty strong one.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Alexis asked one night as she lay on the couch with her cell phone.
“Why not? Might be fun. Isn’t variety the spice of life?”
“Yes, but it’s also cheating, Leanne.”
“That’s the thing, though. Would I really be cheating? Cassandra doesn’t seem as into me as I am into her.”
“How can you know for sure? Maybe she’s just shy.”
“You’ve met her a couple of times, Alex. Does she really seem all that shy to you?”
“No,” Alexis admitted, “but maybe she’s just not as outspoken and direct as you are. Like she’s not necessarily in denial of her feelings or trying to play them down or anything like that, but not as quick to address them either. Some people just don’t have a way with words, know what I’m saying?”
“Yeah, I get it.”
“Where is she now, working?”
“Yup.”
“So when would you get together with Dawn?”
“In the evening, when Cass was at work.”
“Do you think you’d feel guilty if you guys did anything?”
“The only way to know for sure is if I actually did it.”
After a moment of silence, Alexis said, “Well, just be careful. Cassandra strikes me as the type to react poorly if she finds out. Like she may be really, really pissed off.”
Funny you should say that, Leanne thought. Cassandra once had a friend named Brittany and she really, really pissed her off.
Shortly after she hung up the phone with Alexis, Cassandra returned home. Leanne studied the tired nurse’s face and wondered if she had any sense of what was going on.
Cassandra seemed a bit worn out and grumpy, but she always returned home that way. The only difference she really noticed was that Cassandra seemed a bit distant that night. It seemed that the more she tried to snuggle up to her, the more she pulled away. Yet if she had any idea that she was seeing Dawn, then why didn’t she say anything?
Finally convinced that Cassandra had no clue about what was going on, Leanne allowed herself to relax enough to fall asleep.
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