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Adventure
Thriller
Assassin's Blade
Writer Imascribble
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Assassin's Blade
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#3
Imascribble
Jul 27, 2017
1
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5 Mins Read
Comments ( 3 )

Aretice N. Treader - Honestly, I don't really know much about traditional (or Tolkien-esque?) elves. I was never super into stories like that, so I have a hard time imagining species like that. Oddly enough, I think of elves as tiny because of Santa's elves. So I guess what I'm saying in too many words is that I don't really know what a half-elf (as Kalen was called a somewhat awkward number of times) should look like.

I do hope to see more of Kalen, however. It doesn't seem like his relationship with Kieran is 100% the best, but I do think they have a rather good dynamic. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking because Kieran seems to trust Kalen to a certain extent (whether he wants to or not). I'm not entirely sure.

I'm guessing this and the last chapter were more for character building/exposition than anything else? They didn't seem particularly eventful — especially the flashback. To be honest, I guess I was a little disappointed to see that chapter two was so short and wouldn't mean anything to me for a while. I probably would have liked it more if chapters two and three were combined into one.

I don't mean that every chapter has to be as wild a ride as the first, but the dropoff in intensity between this chapter and chapter one was rather dramatic. Perhaps if Rodriego had appeared to raise the stakes for Kieran or something. Or if Kieran had some sort of goal within the scene (other than telling Kalen to get the stuff).

I remember reading a post about writing somewhere that basically says in every scene, each character (of relevance to the story) needs a short-term and a long-term goal. The short-term goal will be replaced by another short-term goal once it's reached, and they probably add up to the long-term goal (but not always). Of course, I know you won't give away the long-term goal in the second chapter (and with good reason), but I couldn't help but feel that the scene was slightly stagnant.

I'm not sure I'm making sense because it's rather late where I am. I'll probably consider adding to this comment to touch on more things I noticed in the chapters. And let me know if I need to clarify anything because I still have no idea if I made sense.
8 months agoreply

Imascribble - Thanks for your feedback, as always!

There's a lot of racism later with Kalen being elven-blooded, and Keiran constantly gives him a hard time about it, hence the awkward amounts of references to his lineage. My elves aren't totally tolkien-esque, as you'll find out later, only in some physical features. All that matters now is that Kalen has heritage there and it's an issue between them. They really don't have a healthy relationship :P

Yeah, to be honest with you, I hate this chapter. It was mostly used to introduce Kalen's character and set up the next action scene, but it will probably get cut the next full edit I do. On my other writing sites, chapter 2 and 3 were the same chapter, so I dont know why I decided to split them up here. The lack of action was my way of cooling off back when I used to pump out 10,000 words per day. I had an action scene that was hard for me to write, followed by a slower scene to allow me to catch my breath, so to speak, and then back to the action. I realize now that it doesn't work that way, so I'll get rid of it in a later draft.

Thank you for your feedback on these! You're making me want to write this story again and it's been years since I've looked at it :)
8 months agoreply

Aretice N. Treader - @Imascribble, I guess I read into their relationship wrong, haha. It usually takes me a while before I really understand characters, unfortunately.

I mean, wanting to scale back every now and then is good because the reader will just get tired if the tension and drama is always at 100%. So I don't think your intentions were wrong, but the execution was just a little rough. That's okay, though. That's what editing is for, haha.

I don't know if you plan on updating this story anymore (considering you mentioned you haven't looked at it in years haha), but if you ever do again, I'll be here to read it (albeit very slowly). 
8 months agoreply

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