Assassin's Blade

"Kieran! Are you even listening to me?"68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRau4PEWQAr
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The assassin looked at the young man sitting on his bed in shock, shaken from his reverie. "Oh, hello Half-Blood. Didn't hear you come in."68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2pi4Drm51
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"What are you talking about? You invited me here!" The young half-elf exclaimed in frustration.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDwphjg31i
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"I did?" the older assassin ran a hand through his mess of black hair, and examined the young man critically. He was dressed in simple dark clothes, his sleeves rolled up over his elbows. The boy was skinny, and he kept brushing aside his straw-coloured hair from his eyes. His angular features, a slightly jaundiced skin tone, and ears that curled up into a point were indicative of his Elven heritage - a heritage that the human assassin could not resist teasing him about.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTsTXhyU89
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"Yes, you did!" The half-elf sighed in exasperation. "If you weren't so occupied daydreaming with that dagger of yours, you would have noticed me. What if I were a guard? You could have been killed!"68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFbKYfnqCt
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Kieran sat up from his reclined position on the bed with a sigh and slipped his dagger back into its sheath at his hip, ignoring the ongoing lecture from the younger, inexperienced man. Running his hand through his hair, he slung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr07XpphGsi
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"Where are you going?" The half-elf moaned at him.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRbqK9Ii3R
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The assassin ruffled the young man's hair roughly, much to the half-elf's great displeasure. "Downstairs for a drink! Aren't you a nosy little brat?" He said with a joking grin.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroxD9vTxWw
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The younger man slapped Kieran's hand away. "It's my job to be nosy, and you know it," he said with obvious frustration, his crystal blue eyes glaring daggers at the impudent older man.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nw8lWxCCZ
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Kieran briefly hesitated under the intensity of his gaze, and turned and faced him squarely. Arms crossed over his chest, weight shifted onto his back foot, the assassin slouched against the door and looked the young man over with a raised eyebrow. The half-elf stood there for a minute, his foot tapping anxiously and his hand swiping hair from his forehead.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmI9ZRFTpB
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Before long, the tension proved too much for the younger man to handle. "Well?!" he said in a raised voice, throwing up his arms.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqZVykS5Wu
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Kieran raised a finger to his lips in a simple gesture, frustrating the poor man even further.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S5WY7xeSs
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"Why won't you say something?!" The half-elf practically screamed at him.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuOgDO8iHx
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"I remember why I called for you, Half-Blood," the assassin said in a smooth, low tone, "but your volume may attract unwanted attention."68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6XT2wdUBa
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The young man's eyes widened as if he had not realized that danger. "I... I'm sorry, Kieran," he said, controlling his voice carefully.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpH3vD1Cbgv
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The older man merely nodded and moved over to the small window in the room, lifting the curtain and scanning the street below. After a moment he stepped back and headed for the door. The half-elf watched him with a mix of anger and awe at the fluidity of his movements. Like a dancer, every step was calculated and every move was intentional. Even as he pushed his ear against the solid wood door, the younger man watched the look of pure concentration cross the assassin's face as he listened for even the slightest of sounds.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPZs5CgeVX
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Content that all was clear, Kieran turned back to face his young guest. He moved closer to the him and spoke in a voice barely more than a whisper.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQ4KJ6gX1S
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"The deed is done."68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qzbVddypu
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The younger man's eyes widened. "Wait, already?" he protested, trying his best to keep quiet, "but you were supposed to monitor for a week before-"68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33j3vpGLDC
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"I did what I was told to do," came the killer's reply, each word carefully measured out. "Eliminate the target. So I did."68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqsNacUr9V
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The half-elf took a small step back. "But we weren't ready for the rest of the operation!" He said, his voice cracking as he realized the repercussions of what his comrade had done. "The guards... Damn it, Kieran, the treaties! You should have taken me with you!"68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjilTuh7HQw
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The assassin chuckled and shook his head. "I left them for you. Besides, it's not like I planned to do it then. It just seemed like fun."68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUzvX4UDQy
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The half-elf's face locked in a stunned, fearful look, his mouth gaping open. "Rodriego's going to kill you."68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAYIo9UiB4
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"Let him try," Kieran mumbled as he flung himself on the bed and pulled out his dagger. "You had better go get them before you attract his attention, though." He held his dagger up to the candlelight to examine the blade. Scowling, he grabbed a dry cloth from his pocket and rubbed the blade down vigorously.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVmzOQRVyH
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"Why couldn't you just get them while you were there?" the half-elf growled, clenching his fists. Why did the assassin have to make everything so difficult?copyright protection64ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3NiHX1qRw

Kieran gave a cursory glance at the young man, noticing the threatening stance the young man now took. Lowering his dagger and sitting up slowly, he eyed the younger man down with a challenge evident in his grey eyes. "Kalen," he spoke, drawing each word out in an obvious threat. "my job was to kill, not to fetch."68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKC1fA69dW
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The two men remained glaring at each other for what seemed like an eternity.copyright protection64ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2v2FnLDEv

"Fine," Kalen said, averting his gaze and heading for the door, "I'll do it then."68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItxHbVQ6ds
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Kieran watched him leave, the door slamming shut behind him. He remained sitting up in his bed for a moment, committing their exchange to memory in case it was the last time he saw the rash young man. He knew Kalen was right, of course. Kieran should have either waited or stolen the treaties himself as he walked away from the mansion, and he knew it. It made sense, but something inside of him abhorred the idea of making things easy for the young thief.68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarnx0bnR7W
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Smiling to himself, the assassin examined his dagger again with a critical eye, searching for spots or imperfections along the blade. Content at last, he returned the dagger to the sheath at his right hip and checked his other weapons systematically, although not nearly as meticulously.copyright protection64ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98cEaR1VuG

Assured that everything was fine, the assassin headed downstairs for a drink.copyright protection64ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXL1e9isz0

Today was going to be a good day...68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzGcBVMH50
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ns54.92.182.0da2

Aretice N. Treader - Honestly, I don't really know much about traditional (or Tolkien-esque?) elves. I was never super into stories like that, so I have a hard time imagining species like that. Oddly enough, I think of elves as tiny because of Santa's elves. So I guess what I'm saying in too many words is that I don't really know what a half-elf (as Kalen was called a somewhat awkward number of times) should look like.

I do hope to see more of Kalen, however. It doesn't seem like his relationship with Kieran is 100% the best, but I do think they have a rather good dynamic. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking because Kieran seems to trust Kalen to a certain extent (whether he wants to or not). I'm not entirely sure.

I'm guessing this and the last chapter were more for character building/exposition than anything else? They didn't seem particularly eventful — especially the flashback. To be honest, I guess I was a little disappointed to see that chapter two was so short and wouldn't mean anything to me for a while. I probably would have liked it more if chapters two and three were combined into one.

I don't mean that every chapter has to be as wild a ride as the first, but the dropoff in intensity between this chapter and chapter one was rather dramatic. Perhaps if Rodriego had appeared to raise the stakes for Kieran or something. Or if Kieran had some sort of goal within the scene (other than telling Kalen to get the stuff).

I remember reading a post about writing somewhere that basically says in every scene, each character (of relevance to the story) needs a short-term and a long-term goal. The short-term goal will be replaced by another short-term goal once it's reached, and they probably add up to the long-term goal (but not always). Of course, I know you won't give away the long-term goal in the second chapter (and with good reason), but I couldn't help but feel that the scene was slightly stagnant.

I'm not sure I'm making sense because it's rather late where I am. I'll probably consider adding to this comment to touch on more things I noticed in the chapters. And let me know if I need to clarify anything because I still have no idea if I made sense.

6 months ago ⋅ reply

Imascribble - Thanks for your feedback, as always!

There's a lot of racism later with Kalen being elven-blooded, and Keiran constantly gives him a hard time about it, hence the awkward amounts of references to his lineage. My elves aren't totally tolkien-esque, as you'll find out later, only in some physical features. All that matters now is that Kalen has heritage there and it's an issue between them. They really don't have a healthy relationship :P

Yeah, to be honest with you, I hate this chapter. It was mostly used to introduce Kalen's character and set up the next action scene, but it will probably get cut the next full edit I do. On my other writing sites, chapter 2 and 3 were the same chapter, so I dont know why I decided to split them up here. The lack of action was my way of cooling off back when I used to pump out 10,000 words per day. I had an action scene that was hard for me to write, followed by a slower scene to allow me to catch my breath, so to speak, and then back to the action. I realize now that it doesn't work that way, so I'll get rid of it in a later draft.

Thank you for your feedback on these! You're making me want to write this story again and it's been years since I've looked at it :)

Aretice N. Treader - @Imascribble, I guess I read into their relationship wrong, haha. It usually takes me a while before I really understand characters, unfortunately.

I mean, wanting to scale back every now and then is good because the reader will just get tired if the tension and drama is always at 100%. So I don't think your intentions were wrong, but the execution was just a little rough. That's okay, though. That's what editing is for, haha.

I don't know if you plan on updating this story anymore (considering you mentioned you haven't looked at it in years haha), but if you ever do again, I'll be here to read it (albeit very slowly).

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