You wonder why people refer someone they like as a crush. Initially, you thought it was a cruel thing to call someone that one is attracted to.copyright protection254PENANAwGEdRxaCzH
Maybe, your friend started. Maybe it’s because they crush you heart into a mush, crush your lungs that it’s hard to breathe around them, crush your brain that it’s difficult for you to think logically anymore, he finished with dreamy eyes and crooked grin.copyright protection254PENANAOtKJcVfUVA
That’s drastic, you remember saying. That sounds terrible and cruel, you said again with incredulity, ignoring the sudden and slight breathlessness as you look at him.copyright protection254PENANAC8PwKwSODP
Love’s cruel like that, he replied. But you learn to accept its cruelty because love is also a wonderful thing to have and feel, he continued.copyright protection254PENANAQILoHNKWmZ
You wanted to ask more, to listen more (the genuineness and descriptiveness of your friend’s words makes you like hearing him talking, you reasoned with yourself afterwards), but the bell’s shrill ringing tore through the air.copyright protection254PENANAeclv9TRqY3
You two parted ways, but it’s okay. It's Wednesday, and Wednesday means club meetings.copyright protection254PENANAoFJVby7Zxg
The club consisting of you, him and his crush; amongst other people.copyright protection254PENANAIHSRh0icvS
You arrive on time (you always do) and much to your chagrin, his crush also has a tendency to be punctual. Three other people are also here, but somehow the presence of this very person who somehow has the heart of your friend in their palms irks you more.copyright protection254PENANAskOQjerz3C
They smile at you and says hi, which you reply with a weak half-hearted smile.copyright protection254PENANAI4or9U0Tu6
Why does it bother you?copyright protection254PENANAedjdngkBby
You don’t answer you own question, no. Instead you find yourself scanning them, recalling the traits that you’ve noted whenever you see this being in action.copyright protection254PENANAgdat1vR64Q
Friendly, excitable, and passionate. No wonder this person is able to capture his heart. But you know even they have flaws, but having a crush on someone more often than not means ignoring the crush’s flaws, and-copyright protection254PENANAubgaV688a5
You frown when you realise what you’re doing, and chastise yourself. Why does this ugly feeling surface now, and why is it making you like this?copyright protection254PENANAdl3mVKlCFE
As if on cue, your friend walks towards you with a grin so big and lovely that you momentarily forget how to breathe.copyright protection254PENANAvuUjeL8RpN
He always does that to you, doesn’t he?copyright protection254PENANAB3zfJMefT6
You don’t mind the slightest, though.copyright protection254PENANAvvaSSRYh5l
He sits next to you in the meeting.copyright protection254PENANAiftzHifQMI
You know it’s only because you sit behind his crush, and not because you would’ve been his first choice to sit next to. He has other friends in the club; people much closer to him than you are.copyright protection254PENANASYtpcljg1g
But he keeps leaning his head towards you to crack jokes or whisper his thoughts as the club’s chairman speaks, and sometimes he gets too close that the tips of his hair kisses your cheek.copyright protection254PENANAiYzcstjPJh
You find yourself falling into a dwam at hearing his voice.copyright protection254PENANA1yRrRPmJDW
Then you’re rudely interrupted back into the land of reality by the man himself. He smiles cheekily as you glare at him. When he tilts his head towards other people changing seats do you realise what’s happening. “We’ve got to research some stuff. 3 persons each team, wanna join?”copyright protection254PENANAUq5dT08t3c
You acquiesce as everyone settles into their teams, except one. You heave a deep sigh. “Yo!”copyright protection254PENANAXpmbTqd8MV
The person in front of you turns around with questioning brows and hesitant smile.copyright protection254PENANA2hDuvV6URm
Hopeless. Utterly, astoundingly hopeless.copyright protection254PENANA7QmzspZX3m
“Join our team.” You say. Not a request, not an invitation, not nothing.copyright protection254PENANAdejORNaRVz
In your peripheral vision, you see your friend staring at you bug-eyed, but you’re staring at the face that’s lighting up at your words. They pull up a chair and sits next to your side, and you can feel the smile that’s forming on his lips. He looks at you with giddy eyes, though you know it’s not for you.copyright protection254PENANAGwA6k3wWK7
After the meeting ends; but before parting ways, all three of you promise to meet at the local library this late afternoon.copyright protection254PENANAe3tU39ZF4t
You still feel his strands of hair against your skin, and a lingering sense of regret sits at the back of your mind.copyright protection254PENANAlzWMWMgISk
Of what, you're not sure.copyright protection254PENANA1yY6PCDqL6
Yet again, you and his crush shares one thing in common: punctuality (which you find to be commendable). You meet them on your way to the library, and you’ve been walking together since.copyright protection254PENANAHMqmEw8nQ2
There was a few minutes of utter silence between you two. It was far from uncomfortable, though. Perhaps they’re good at reading people, because at first they seem like they want to break the ice, but never does. You’re taciturn, so not much of a talker anyways. Better be in silence rather than having the air of discomfiture hanging around and suffocating you two.copyright protection254PENANAq3RlxTFMYc
He arrives with that big grin of his again. You notice that he falters slightly when he lays eyes upon his crush, but he braves on nonetheless.copyright protection254PENANAX4pQS7VMqi
Everyone make a beeline to the bookshelves after everything’s settled. Journals, articles and books of all kinds are stacked on top of each other. He’s more than enthusiastic to help out his crush; so for the most part, you left them be.copyright protection254PENANAbiOkXc6z7u
When you see your friend stuttering and stumbling over his words, his nervous tic of drawing circles on the back of his palm coming to life every time he speaks with his crush; you can’t help the jealousy that slowly brews in your heart. It is an ugly feeling to have, but it is an emotion nonetheless.copyright protection254PENANACfuG6kXB7J
He speaks to them with a softer voice than he does with you. Maybe it’s just because they’re in a library right now, but you’re here with him too. He speaks in his normal tone with you.copyright protection254PENANABx1PI9Xc4l
The ugly feeling grows.copyright protection254PENANA6tePTnRqXm
“Must be nice to have a crush.” You two walk home together (you talked him into it, of course. He could’ve easily taken a taxi, but you’re adept at persuasion). Bitterness was discernible in your tone, and he catches on.copyright protection254PENANAwtnzmsJhFS
“It depends.” He says simply. He knows what buttons to push when it comes to you (that happens when you befriend an observant guy), but never does so.copyright protection254PENANAk821noJq3s
“Why?”copyright protection254PENANAn7naBNxRq1
“Well... depends on who you’re crushing on, and how you deal with it. Because as you can see, I was a train wreck with mine.”copyright protection254PENANA9HtSRrEU4U
Mine, he says.copyright protection254PENANAxjxDIxrjRS
“That’s better than nothing. If I have one, I don’t know how I would’ve acted.” I try my best to assure him.copyright protection254PENANAOVo7Ib9VZx
“You don’t?” He asks, incredulous.copyright protection254PENANAW6wJWyASyb
I stare at him, searching his features before replying.copyright protection254PENANAz0BDMmVeJv
“No. Never have.”copyright protection254PENANAGjpsWNo6gx
The research sessions continue at the same time every day.copyright protection254PENANAaz1AbR0bBy
The three of you gets closer and closer, and this only serves to make you feel at odds against yourself.copyright protection254PENANAr6xupZCMJ7
You gradually warms up to his crush, for they are somehow magnetic, in a sense. No matter how much you try to resist, you eventually take a liking to them.copyright protection254PENANAz4YLvHs2x1
You and his crush are affable at best, but the thought of referring to them as your friend bothers you, so you decided to stick with calling them as 'his crush'. Only in your mind, of course.copyright protection254PENANAOOeDpO3oeM
That also means he's getting chummy with them, and the ugly feeling would scream for you to intervene- that he's gonna forget you soon enough if you let them become closer and closer.copyright protection254PENANADxBsYQGEu8
It takes all of your willpower to not do exactly that. Because you are aware of your weaknesses (possessiveness, jealousy, you name it; there's a high chance that you do indeed possess such traits) and the damage it can cause once you choose to act upon it, because your old friends were damaged by these very things that make up who you are.copyright protection254PENANAoP1Rt2r7q9
It is innate, which is why you distance yourself from everyone.copyright protection254PENANA6G7fWxuOAk
But life's cruel, as always. One day, out of the blue: he sat next to you during recess, and has never changed place ever since. He was tenacious, and you were reticent. Of course you yield, for his efforts touched at your heart and mind more than you were willing to let show.copyright protection254PENANAVYpZAdDUA3
The days of the research sessions are numbered, and because everyone will have no time to meet outside school, your friend decided to spend a day together where everyone goes out to play, and not work. All that's left to do for your research is proofreading, so you and his crush agreed to his plans.copyright protection254PENANAr75bu7ML59
As you gradually come closer to the day, your heart hammers in your chest. You're not sure why, but you're not able to sleep the night before the day.copyright protection254PENANANQbeddmQuu
After countless tries of drifting off into deep slumber does your body acknowledges the exhaustion that's coursing through your body.copyright protection254PENANApl08BaXV7W
You dream, but it's not a good one; for the thoughts of him leaving you haunts your dream.copyright protection254PENANAbue6JnmZt7
The sun proudly shines amongst the blue skies fleeced with clouds as the skies turn to a tint of yellowy orange.copyright protection254PENANAAshPRh5ipT
By the time you arrive at the promised meetup place (which is the library, for convenience's sake), your friend and his crush chatters away. Your friend waves at you as soon as he notices you walking towards them, and that trademark grinning signature of his presents itself.copyright protection254PENANAQL1cVAVLU1
He then tells their plans for the day: "A movie, food and then the funfair to wrap things off before we head back to school tomorrow and probably never see each other again." He finishes with a titter.copyright protection254PENANAtWzYxeYYNg
Even though you're well aware that he's joking, his last words has its lasting effects on you. To never see each other again would be the worst.copyright protection254PENANAm0RBHUPhns
"Don't say that." you say in a downhearted tone.copyright protection254PENANAc1UdhImz1L
He suddenly looks troubled, and his crush's reaction (two brows raised, mouth thinning with a look of amusement, which in itself is humorous) at his facial expressions lightens your mood a bit.copyright protection254PENANAtpZzYSY2CH
"Come on now! We haven't got all the time in the world." His crush exclaims before walking ahead, not even waiting for you two.copyright protection254PENANAOgaFcGw8nn
You raises your brows at your friend, to which he replies with a simper.copyright protection254PENANA4HXup9womY
He throws one arm around your shoulder. "Let's run past and boo them. How's that sound?"copyright protection254PENANAEYBwOreBAV
Your lips forms into a mischievous smirk as you look into his glimmering eyes. copyright protection254PENANADWvzBb40t9
You two run, hand in hand past his crush and turns to face them as you two blow raspberries at them, only to trip on each other's legs a moment later and fall with a thud and a cry.copyright protection254PENANAq7csrRpspR
It's not until you see his crush wiggling their brows at you as he worriedly checks for any injuries on you, do you finally realise the very thing that you've been refusing to acknowledge all this time.copyright protection254PENANAxsUfmVwYyT
You weren't envy of him having a crush, no.copyright protection254PENANAaFPwR4jtwl
You were envious of his crush.copyright protection254PENANABmeGN8uqFn
He sags in relief when he's certain that you're okay, and rises up. He offers a hand, to which you grab on without any hesitation.copyright protection254PENANAjnmcynRXa8
His crush smiles knowingly at you, but you resolutely refuses to look at them in the eyes.copyright protection254PENANA114KyoOPku
At theatre, you were expecting for all of you to sit next to each other; with you being the third wheel.copyright protection254PENANAM26Bi7lCPM
As luck will have it, though, you're forced to sit in different seats and rows. copyright protection254PENANAYc5iEe3CHa
This of course brings down everyone's mood, but you're able to convince them that it's not bad because now they can focus on the film and ramble and theorise about it later. They buy into your argument, and then your friend decides to buy some light snacks for the movie.copyright protection254PENANAn7NZTQSM7f
As you watch him walk away from the seat, his crush starts. "So... it's kinda obvious you like the guy."copyright protection254PENANA0s1Tf3lCBc
You feel like a deer caught in the headlights. You stare at them, bug-eyed.copyright protection254PENANAYMdDETltIq
They simper triumphantly. "I take that you do, then."copyright protection254PENANAwyfTPq9RnD
You gulp, feeling the saliva cascading down your throat. A nod. "But I can't."copyright protection254PENANAK0MrpTzCNa
"Why, because he likes me?"copyright protection254PENANA6X6KNmm8cD
Your head jerks towards them in bewilderment. "You knew?"copyright protection254PENANAywixSesmLk
"Of course! The man's as transparent as it gets. You, on the other hand... I've never truly weigh the possibility, not until I saw the way you look at him when you two were gamboling just now."copyright protection254PENANAgZOSp2c3Co
You ruminate momentarily. "But do you... reciprocate?" Your tone tentative, unsure; but most importantly: fearful. Your head spins, and you hold your breath. For what, you don't know.copyright protection254PENANAkuaWVvj3rA
They shrug, and then you're suddenly able to breathe again. You heave a sigh of relief, finally hearing your heart palpitating.copyright protection254PENANAlyitBd0iU0
"It's said that eyes are the window to the soul. His was not unlike yours just now, but it was different." They mull over something for a moment. "Though, his gaze gradually changes as we spend more time together. It's too innocent to say that it's romantic love that's shimmering in those eyes."copyright protection254PENANAMhnefyEvYw
You look at your friend who has finally gotten all of his orders. "Do all of us a favour and tell him how you feel." They continue as your friend pays and heads back towards the two of you.copyright protection254PENANAtLlVEvopBS
"What're you guys talking about?" He asks as he sits between you and his crush, putting the snacks on any remaining space on the seat.copyright protection254PENANAbXrI9W9ZSf
"About your butt." copyright protection254PENANAjGcdJa2kSw
The insouciance in which his crush says it nearly kills your friend from choking, and you from embarrassment.copyright protection254PENANAE3BmMFBD7Q
This is going to be a long day.copyright protection254PENANAfR4KdyZQgb
Food's wonderful. Whoever wins a game of rock–paper–scissors gets to decide where to eat. Your friend wins, and he brings you two to a restaurant with Southeast Asian dishes as the menu.copyright protection254PENANAiPWYM3rcWs
The chatter comes more easily now, especially now that you know that your friend won't be leaving anytime soon. Not to mention now that you're not in a library, but that's besides the point.copyright protection254PENANAnLZiXyb7sS
You ponder whether you should continue referring to your friend's crush as 'his crush', still. Eh, nothing to lose anyways. Might as well stick to it.copyright protection254PENANA1WWLctAhaX
Your friend accidentally orders a dish that's spicier than what he can handles, and titters and chortles turns into sympathetic frowns.copyright protection254PENANAlLc1LTxO5R
Other than that misfortune of his, though, all three of you have had a blast.copyright protection254PENANAG6s8vzhcrB
Next destination: funfair.copyright protection254PENANADASgikXWzS
It's not hard to locate, with all the spotlights dancing across the night sky to guide you to its locale. copyright protection254PENANAxzTaFVso9o
To your shock, it's not crowded as you would've expect from a Sunday night. Perhaps everyone's just tired and decided not to go out this night? Who knows, you're not going to complain. This lessens the queue and wait time, anyway.copyright protection254PENANArX7bb0vt5P
All three of you play the rides together- from the coasters to the carousel. Except for the Ferris wheel, of course. The one in this funfair is utter shite anyways, so you won't be losing out on anything much.copyright protection254PENANAFHnN3svQrg
As everyone head towards the games to end the night on a lighter tone (really depends on the games you'll be playing, really), your friend's crush quickly grabs your arm and pulls you to a more discreet place.copyright protection254PENANAcLkRVACpfn
You furrow your brows at them, and they dismiss it with a wave and a hiss. "He'll be okay! The dude's shirt stands out, so we can find him. He's likely to stay in one place if we're gone, anyway."copyright protection254PENANAYBKYi188tK
You blink several times, a bit taken aback by how they could deduce such things from mere observations alone.copyright protection254PENANAJg2Ter8MVS
"Look." They grab your shoulder, fiery eyes staring into yours. "If you don't confess now, I swear to the damn gods above that I'll be the one to profess my feelings for him."copyright protection254PENANArmBtWjhJUk
Your gaze turns into a glare, and they sigh in relief. "Good. Go tell him. I'll watch from afar, so make up some excuse or something." They pat your shoulder before going off... somewhere. It's dark here, though, so you're not even sure where they're gone to.copyright protection254PENANAsISNT2hDsc
You walk away from the darkness, the funfair lights greeting you as soon as you reenters its compound once again. You look around, and sure as hell, your friend stands out like a sore thumb.copyright protection254PENANAwEbTdA2IDQ
You walk up to him, forming some kind of plan that'll result in you being pressured to confess. Because you know you'll never admit it to the man himself. You'll stutter, stumble and embarrass yourself. Your pride hinders your ability to be honest in general, but a person of pride keeps one's words.copyright protection254PENANAb25U6nXNTS
So damn it, you'll tell him even if it means by compulsion.copyright protection254PENANASPmkXEeUpr
His expressions brightens at the sight of you, though it falters when he notices the absence of someone else. copyright protection254PENANAQ1FgGHX9Ri
"They wanna try to win the other games at those side." You point towards the other end of the funfair, where more stalls for games resides.copyright protection254PENANAgfzMQQ8dqL
"Look, uh- bro. Buddy, pal." You try, though you wince at the failure of your attempt. "Let's make the games more fun. If I win, you tell me something. If you win, I tell you something."copyright protection254PENANA2MZKUXI8GT
His brows raises at this proposal. "You can tell anything you want?"copyright protection254PENANA5VWwthtCsM
You smile, a hint of nervousness creeping into it. "Anything you want."copyright protection254PENANAFjEPkIxIzm
"The other person can't comment whatsoever after the loser tells them whatever they're gonna say, though." You added belatedly as you two walks toward the ring tosser game.copyright protection254PENANAUxlip5cXzK
A sly smirk creeps onto his face. "Okay."copyright protection254PENANAEhRmlhyTto
You eye him in your peripheral vision with a healthy dose of curiosity mixed with confusion, but you let it go.copyright protection254PENANAQcSjxNoR3Z
You two each pay the man who handles the game, and the game begins.copyright protection254PENANAPpfQpF18PL
Both of you are stacking up against each other quite well, and now he knows you as well as you know him.copyright protection254PENANARElDw18zd7
Of his families, his past, his problems and random facts he reads from the Internet that he somehow manages to recall out of nowhere.copyright protection254PENANA5iHqCt56SR
He learns of your passions, your flaws and your hope for the future.copyright protection254PENANAsiqOy0TPq4
Somehow, you feel like both of you are avoiding from asking a delicate question. You're not quite sure if the suspicion is mutual, but you've been beating around the bush long enough now that it's starting to frustrate you. copyright protection254PENANAsO2hzZgXBz
So when you find yourself winning the High Striker against him, as he readies himself to tell you another thing about himself- you decide to take control of the situation and say what you've been dying to say: I think I like you.copyright protection254PENANAJUGmThzyHr
He stares at you- he stares long enough that you worry whether you've broken his thoughts or something. Maybe he's figuring out how to escape this without making it awkward? You won't blame him at all.copyright protection254PENANAB10Hn9MjTb
A grin slowly spreads, as he locks eyes with yours. I like you too, he says between smiling teeth. I've always like you, he says again.copyright protection254PENANAyUM4Y0gygi
You try to suppress the big grin that's threatening to form on your lips, but it decides to break loose anyway. I think I love you.copyright protection254PENANAc17d1QPXHA
I love you too, he replies with such sincerity that the damn dam in your eyes feels like combusting into pieces and the tears trying to break out.copyright protection254PENANAvkzBXELBCc
You basically tackle him into a hug, and he kisses your cheek. The funfair's lights kisses both of your beings, rejoicing alongside you two.copyright protection254PENANAaxDVP7epua
"Well, well." His (ex)crush stands beside your sprawled bodies on the dirt, looking down at you two with amusement and care. "Guess the secret's out, huh?"copyright protection254PENANAfuCICUrMLv
You suddenly realises something, and you quickly sits up. "Wait, so are they your crush or not?"copyright protection254PENANA623MQLphWM
He follows suit, then gives you a sheepish smile. "More like a friend-crush, really. Both of you are cool in my eyes, but all I want to do with them is hang out and just be best buddies." He takes your hands in his. "With you though, you crush my heart into a mush, crush my lungs that it’s hard to breathe around you, crush my brain that it’s difficult for me to think logically anymore."copyright protection254PENANAiWjX5UlLVS
He echoes the same words he used to explain the definition of crush to you a while back. You're glad that it's currently night time and the funfair's lights aren't blindingly bright, for you can feel your skin flushing.copyright protection254PENANAFsy07yyQd1
"Yeah, that nervousness of his is normal. He gets intimidated by people he likes, but he gradually acts as usual once he gets comfortable. You didn't notice him doing the same to you back then?" You now-friend (who was his friend-crush) looks at you questioningly.copyright protection254PENANAzFiNFDJ1Wi
Now it's your turn for a sheepish smile, followed by a titter. "I was too busy being miserable and being lonely to really notice."copyright protection254PENANA2NSiQTI9Bw
He wraps his arms around your midriff as you continue to sit on the ground. "Wanna go home now? I'm sure everyone's exhausted."copyright protection254PENANAwju6RUxJYX
You turn your head towards him and pecks him on the cheek before smirking. "Nah, let's ride the terrible Ferris wheel before we go."copyright protection254PENANAtwQoZx9bcJ
The other two looks at you with bewilderment, but for some reason, they follow along with your atrocious idea anyways.copyright protection254PENANA34CAJ19Phe
"That ride was dreadful." you deadpan, and your friend rolls their eyes.copyright protection254PENANARkkYk4DRv8
Your (boy)friend chuckles, then proceeds to kiss your temple.copyright protection254PENANAtjXqw1TgDz
Perhaps the ride isn't as dreadful as you make it out to be.copyright protection254PENANAaJnSjGDiaQ
You throw an arm around both of your friend and boyfriend's shoulders.copyright protection254PENANATo2E0NTHoI
I love you.copyright protection254PENANAd5nBwtJrTN
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