Love isn’t easy. To be honest right now Lotte swore that it sucked. And that made her kinda angry. What about all those romances that society feeds you? Those cheesy movies, trashy books and all the other stuff that she had been believing. Sitting on her bed at some crazy hour of the early morning Lotte sat up. Fairytales were lies. There was no such thing as true love. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWS6qhRdEW
The house was silent. Lotte removed her legs from her duvet. “It’s beyond time to move on Lotte”. She berated herself. “You never even dated the guy, or anywhere close to that”. So her and Han had never labeled it. I mean it had never even had time to lift off, our romance, thought Lotte to the darkness. Tears pricked at her eyes. Sure they had met every lunchtime for unofficial dates. Bantering over a highly competitive game of Star Wars risk. With an affectionately labeled white piece of paper in his scrawled handwriting. Lotte and Han’s Game. Don’t touch on pain of death (Lotte is pretty scary) And yeah they hang out together while with their friends, had inside jokes and pretended they weren’t attracted to each other. But they weren’t fooling anyone.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYIiqqiTDd
Or at least Lotte wasn’t she thought with an embarrassed smile. Crushes weren’t her forte. Instead of flirting and awkward conversation she might have been a tad more aggressive. Okay maybe calling him a jerk and hitting him over the head with her Lord of the Rings book was a little harsh. Okay Lotte had the worst ‘I have a crush’ reaction, but at the time Han had taken it in his stride. Stating that “although I seem to be surrounded by hostile nations, I will push through to peacetime”. Lotte remembered glaring at him in some irrationally angry mood. Why the hell did he have to be funny like that? She remembers finding it very hard to hate the guy.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtdgXnG8rn
Every week he brought in a new castle design, carefully laid out. He would hand it to Lotte in pride. His cute face beaming as his long arms waved about describing the advantages of two moats. And every time she would point out flaws that he would try and rebut until their arguments became unrealistic. He would coat the cliffs in hard metal unavailable in the time period and Lotte would employ some obscure nerdy hero to infiltrate the castle…if poisoning the water failed. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsa8mZ9Fua
As Lotte sat there in the dark years later those memories were actually pretty clear. They brought a smile to her face and a deep longing for simpler times. “Remember that I am moving on.” Lotte reprimanded herself. Her room stayed silent.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJgUEyhOEC
They both had done their share of awkwardness. She had hit him too many times to count. If that hadn’t scared him away the resulting brain damage must have confused him into staying. There was that one time she could remember though when Han had done something awkward. For day he began to tell Lotte stories of something that he had found in the library. Something that related to her and was funny. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAuIwvCAAA
“You have to see it!” He claimed.
So eventually dragging her friend Grace along by the arm Lotte set off to the school library.Then a cringe worthy moment for Han.Thinking back on it he probably hadn’t thought his plan that far through. But don’t make a girl curious and then have nothing to show her. Cause Lotte, Han and Grace were all embarrassed when he tried to explain how he didn’t actually have anything here for her. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HQPhl7lqE
“I just wanted to see you in the library again”. The poor boy. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnEj36lxsH
The promise of next years plans loomed ahead. Both Lotte and Han were going to take History together, spend time and really get to know each other. And then boom. Han said he was moving to Australia. In an upset teenage haze Lotte remembers says “Good riddance”. Not her finest moment. Now all alone his kind of hurt face sprang to mind. Lotte screwed up her face at what possibly pushed the guy away.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz5TUzB0e0
He came to her birthday party, wrote a sweet card and gave her a big hug. Everyone at school wished him a sad goodbye. Lotte remembered how much her heart hurt that year. Only sixteen years old and she was sure that this moment, this pain was going to last forever. Before this she had only had one crush. A boy named Harry. They were nine and eventually they grew up. But this time with Han, it felt real for her. And years later late at night Lotte admitted that maybe she really hadn’t stopped being that sixteen year old watching as Han walked away on a cold street. Her parents and friends inside. The wave that he gave her as he looked back. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kpsSppKb3
Then in what seemed like a instant Han was gone.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFm9byD8Vr
Summer wasn’t so bad. Lotte didn’t message her school friends much and family holidays meant quality time. Lotte didn’t even realize that Han was gone, gone, until school again. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IZsmw9vIZ
In a whirl-wind of friends and schoolwork Lotte remembers missing him like crazy. But being too shy she never contacted him. Well that was until later that year. She messaged him. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3XXthA5oy
Once was all it look before they were staying up to all hours debating star forts and writing novels. He explained Kalashnikov’s and she threatened him. Sometimes in those conversations she wished so hard for him to come back. But unlike in the movies, he stayed in Australia. Her dreams were futile. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrnrfbJnZ4
He came back for a visit when Lotte swore she was over him. However upon seeing him stirred everything up again. The year hadn’t changed her a bit, Lotte still had the biggest crush ever. But one day was short and left her feeling more empty and sad than before. Were crushes supposed to feel like this?422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxsQRRhmJi
As the next year or so went by their communication was on and off. Sometimes they talked for hours at night about life and pointless things. Other times they didn’t speak for months. Han got a girlfriend. Lotte pretended not to care. In front of her friends he was that cute crush she used to have. But really she secretly wished that this girl wasn’t the one. Lotte shook her head at her old self. Han began to presume he had told her stuff, treating her like a confidant. And other times he was vague like he didn’t trust her at all. The posts about a girlfriend stopped. Being too shy Lotte never brought it up. Being too interested in his love life could give her away. Eventually Han stopped replying. At all. Every time over recently Lotte remembered she would message him, he would go offline. So in half attempt to wake him up she casually messaged ‘goodbye’ after another failed attempt at communication. He responded immediately. It was like he couldn’t apologize more. But that was the last she ever heard. He never replied again. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyfZxH7uhi
One night as she was up late watching a girl and a boy fall in love Lotte thought of him. This is what had her sitting alone in the dark remembering a boy. And she had to admit that for the last probably four years she had loved him. And sometimes she liked to think of all the possibilities that they could have had. But now, cold and tired Lotte thought about everything. Her computer hummed. It was time to move on. To delete his messages so she wasn’t lame and went back to reread them. To Stop check once a month to see if he was online. And to not message him back. Lotte needed to admit that long distance friendship didn’t work and that she deserved better from a friend than this. Because in reality friendship was as far as they had gone. And the rest was only possibilities that never came to be. That was all. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CPuUNcz69
And so ended Lotte’s second crush, her first love and four years of friendship. Late one night of no particular importance. And Han, well he would never know the girl that he lost. Lotte smiled to herself, there were plenty of possibilities. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58ybkWfD6p
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