He stands on the bank of the river, pockets full of stones, heart full of nothing.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPKbTvqjY2 維尼
The moon looms as the only patron to this sad show. He gazes up at it, thanking it for its white and phosphorescent presence. 8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQbdFKYglu 維尼
How did he get to this point?8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGIEbiyJRh 維尼
“It always starts with ignorance.”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaY9iOiofT 維尼
Sitting at the cluttered table, more magazines than food, he sighed. 8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡEniraivoJi 維尼
“There’s nothing here for me,” he said, hands folded on the table.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgBhGwGWLW 維尼
His mother cleaned each dish with a dirty gray rag. “Tomorrow you’re going to find something worth living for,” she said with her back to him. “Once you find that out, it’ll buy you a few months of happiness, then you’ll be back here.”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡvURiXfRsUC 維尼
Studying at his hands, he ignored her. There’s nothing here for me, he repeated to himself. 8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6256mVfDQ 維尼
His toes dip into the river. The water seeps through the holes in his boots, making his toes numb upon contact. Not even crickets grace him with their monotonous song. Just as he’s always thought, this place holds nothing for him.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4TeTH8x91 維尼
Once the world offered something in the form of a girl, God’s most deceptive creature. They wren’t more than kids at the time. 8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBzOh2pyJS 維尼
Early in life nothing in this world pleased him longer than an ice cream cone or a program on TV. Even then his mother understood him better than he understood himself. He focused on the fleeting, on the momentary, and this girl was no exception.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU0BmiGdrV 維尼
“I love you, you know that?” she whispered in his ear.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNXOypGteg 維尼
He smoothed the wrinkles on her sleeve, filling each space between her fingers with his own.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLTwoR8ReB 維尼
“What is love?” he asked, kissing her. “Is it that?” He ran two finger through her black hair. “Is it this?”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAuM6ZHpNJ 維尼
She closed her eyes, growing tired. “Love can either be everything or nothing.” Opening her eyes, she said, “It’s all up to you.”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0a6KiP0x5p 維尼
He didn’t love her in time. She was gone by the time he made up his mind. When he went to her with his answer, she was with another boy. Her silver eyes met his, devoid of emotion, completely without love.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9QxDCsTyF 維尼
A cold breeze nudges him into the water, but he doesn’t take more than one step. An owl flies overhead and swoops into a tree. Another spectator.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUv1Pg7Z41 維尼
His mother was the only one that could occupy his heart, and it was only ever halfway full at best.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoydxroLsR 維尼
She didn’t leave him. She was consistent, even when he craved chaos. It was at her death that he came to the river every night ready to die.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYbcr4QeJR 維尼
“Just wait,” his mother told him in their tiny kitchen. “Be patient. Something will come. You’re looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places.”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCzbTdrGp2 維尼
He couldn’t even find satisfaction in her, the woman who raised him. He asked, “What am I doing wrong?”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTC0KE4cpH 維尼
She sat across from him, her hands smelling of dish soap and dirty water. “You’re trying too hard.” She took his hand. He looked into her wrinkled face. “Searching is trying too hard.”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38mNUBzPmD 維尼
“But what if something never comes?”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9tS8VyF9g 維尼
Something––anything––still has not come. That’s why he keeps coming to the river.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29VD9DWRAY 維尼
Two rocks weigh him down. He picks one up and rolls it in his hand. Somewhere a toad croaks.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡks6vSgze6W 維尼
“This world cannot satisfy you,” his mother said, squeezing his hand.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNvcXy6qkk 維尼
His father snuck out after ten years of barely being around. His mother cried for two days and that was it. She never mentioned him again until her last day alive.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSijFqqaLv 維尼
Some kind of cancer was killing her slowly and painfully. In her last month she was half the woman she used to be. He never left her side in those last days, even though he couldn’t stand the sight of her like this. Her embalmed corpse looked healthier after those long and tortuous months were over.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf4ZIwy3CG 維尼
He asked, “What am I going to do without you?”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gW5nHoiTU 維尼
Looking up at the stars, he asks again, “What can I do without you?”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGWh7iTtkZ 維尼
On her deathbed she smiled, though he interpreted the thinning of her lips and reveal of her yellow teeth as pain.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPvmhmmQ5k 維尼
“I didn’t know what I was going to do when your dad left,” she said. “I thought we were going to starve. But I woke up the next morning and made us breakfast, then lunch, then dinner. I couldn’t rely on anyone anymore.”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPmpPQmLho 維尼
She couldn't even rely on her son to pay her medical bills. He bowed his head.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEeYBRuyHT 維尼
With an icy finger she lifted his chin. “God took care of us,” she said before a wrack of coughs took her. After a drink of water, she continued, “And God is going to take care of you.”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrleqS6wtK 維尼
It doesn’t feel like God’s done much of anything in his life. Standing ankle-deep in water, his stomach growls and his head throbs. There’s a stack of bills at home and an empty checkbook on his desk. It’s been that way for months.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5r5AfvIDK 維尼
He hasn’t forgotten his mother’s words, whether or not he believes in them.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4lDyPOBoP 維尼
Fifteen years after his father left, he came back into his life. It was at a grocery store on Christmas Eve (his least favorite time of year). Waiting to check out, a man at the register in front of him complained about being overcharged. Persuaded by the season of giving, he paid the difference for the man.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbNfUIamUj 維尼
He was missing his front teeth. When he smiled it looked like a small window into his soul. Then he said, “Mark?”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOs2iAdGvA 維尼
He gave his father a couch that night and woke up to his TV missing. Just like that, his father was out of his life again, just when his heart began filling back up.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3Fn6Imki7 維尼
The water laps up to his knees. He can’t feel his legs. The water makes his pants heavier. HIs lungs hurt from the cold as he gets neck-deep.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt2dwtAbs1 維尼
Tonight is the time––right now is the time to die.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFS4LMwQ5z 維尼
“God,” he says, “if you’re listening, I tried…and I failed.”8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FsBNt4hOH 維尼
The water collects over his head as he inhales his last breath, walking deeper into the river. The rocks in his pockets pull him down. He lets go of the rock in his hand and lets the weight carry in down.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8a6me4ech 維尼
Rewind to him standing on the bank. Move back to him stuffing his pockets with rocks. Look back to him walking to the river.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnudMKyWda 維尼
The water swells unlike his heart. It rushes just like blood rushes to that red organ, but the blood passes through.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhzaObELSl 維尼
Underwater, getting lower and lower to the bottom, closer to his death, he decides to keep trying.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tC2jp5BW1 維尼
Rocks spill from his pockets as he turns them out. Bubbles float up from his gasping mouth. As soon as his feet touch the bottom he pushes upward, air rushing into his lungs as if for the first time in his life.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBjeBdwZhW 維尼
As long as he’s trying, he’s not failing. Swimming to the sandy bank, the chilly breeze helps him there. God helps him there. Though it’s freezing and convulses, his heart still beats. He’s still alive.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZwR24V7y0 維尼
He’s still alive.8964 copyright protection360ＰＥＮＡＮＡznJKyTlIxF 維尼
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