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Mythology
Friendship
Kiana Ahmadi: The Hooded Hero
Writer Seo
Writer
  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
PG
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276 Reads
2 Likes
1 Bookmarks
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Kiana Ahmadi: The Hooded Hero
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A - A - A
Intro 1 3 4 5 6 7 8
#2
Chapter One: I Become a Shish Kabob
By Seo
Seo
Jan 3, 2019
0
4
21
11 Mins Read
Comments ( 4 )

copyedit - So, this went from zero to sixty real fast after that last time break. Up until that point there was no indication at all that Kiana has powers and that this is a fantasy story, and that leap into fantasy action territory is extremely jarring. Nice art though. 
1 week agoreply

Seo - I agree with you, and you aren't the first to mention this. The story didn't have a prologue to begin with, and I wrote it to allude to her powers. Do you have any ideas of what would make the transition a little smoother? I would love your insight.
1 week agoreply

copyedit - @Seo, Okay, I read the prologue again and noticed the last bit does allude to her powers, but the prologue itself focuses on Kiana's experience wearing her hijab to school, which threw me off. If you want the prologue to be more effective try shifting the focus to her powers. Try skimming your document for places where you can insert little tidbits relating to her powers. For instance, when she's fighting the girl she might unwittingly shift the earth, or you could mention that the reason she's so antsy on the plane is because she's way way out of her element. Little details and hints would help a lot. 
1 week agoreply

Seo - @copyedit, That's so helpful, thank you!
1 week agoreply

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