Night 1. Day 1.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡafwUA2WpQp 維尼
I wonder if it bugs her, the smell of my cigarettes. She always eyes me with those skeptical amber eyes, but I can never tell her subtleties. Is that a head tilt of curiosity, or a head tilt of disapproval? I can’t tell. She has so many small cues I have yet to learn.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xqYuf67DL 維尼
Night 3. Day 13.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡUi37Z9xZGw 維尼
Like the way I find her playing with the empty pack of cigarettes when I walk out of the shower. Without saying a word I watch her from the hallway as she traced her fingers across each letter, tracing the logo, like she’s trying to memorize it’s touch and feel. Again, is it curiosity, or disapproval? I want to know what is going through that little head of hers. I took a step forward, the floorboard squeaks, she quickly puts the pack down and pulls the covers over herself. By the time I make the few steps into the room, she’s hidden far under the covers. Had I not known, I would have thought her to be fast asleep. Not quite sure what to do, I walk over to the large window opening up to city skyline. Sighing, I can see her anticipating eyes tracing the outline of my back through the reflection of the window. Saying nothing, I leave the unanswered questions behind. Once again, unvoiced.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYy4pPcT0K 維尼
Night 6. Day 228.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDEuDXXsQC 維尼
There are times I think my smoking repulses her and times I know it does. Like when I go in for a kiss, she always mentions the bitterness of my lips. She tells me it leaves an unsatisfying taste on her tongue, and then, often, she pulls away from my embrace all together. I am left behind to smirk at her sauntering silhouette as she sashays off to meet up with her friends at the bar. Funny, if she mentioned how little I showed up in town half as much as she mentions my smoke tart breath, I’d think she misses me. But no such luck. Can’t be helped, I hardly have time to meet up with her, if not for the night gigs she comes to to show her support, I wouldn’t see her at all. Smoke and luck aside, I never fail to take her back with me. Be it planned, or unplanned, she will always sneak away with me.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUyYeRmm2J 維尼
Night 13. Day 2788964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv8kNS10Wp 維尼
It’s times like these that makes me remember the aftermath. I am no idiot. I see her stark solemn shadowed back. I happen to have forgotten the towel, I left the shower running and opened the door to the room without her noticing. But I notice. I notice the way she is holding my shirt up toward her face, tears freshly streaking down her cheeks. Gripping my pristine button up like someone, anyone, is going to rip it out of her hands at any time, tearing her fingers away from them. I am not sure how long I stood there for, but when she finally looks up and her reflection catches mine in the window, I can only let out a sigh. Her tears never stops and the mist from the shower is wafting into the room. Walking over to the bedside table, I grab my cigarettes, lighter, and headed out to the balcony, fully aware of her tear drenched eyes as they trace my every move. She continues to watch me through the glass door.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx21g3XsTb 維尼
Night 17. Day 3158964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBIcgrdlLi 維尼
The night continues on forever. I smoke. She makes use of the unoccupied hot shower to camouflage her tears, no doubt. I am guessing it’s neither disapproval or curiosity. Just a longing, a sent and action she can remember me by. Subtleties. . . It sure would explain the empty cigarette pack in her purse she held onto, from who knows how long back.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6IJWKBI48 維尼
Night 21, Day 3488964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8wDdKMz6I 維尼
Maybe I’m not being fair. Maybe I’m being selfish. So many nights have pass in these hotel rooms like this night. I never fail to swoop her away with me, but I also never fail to leave her behind day and day again. It’s become blatantly clear that neither one of us addressed what this is, because there is nothing to address. What is it we are doing here? What are we? Those are questions she avoids asking me, but I can feel the air being syphoned out of me when she clamps down on those perfectly plump lips each time I reach the door.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDhW8jFZok 維尼
Night 24, Day 3658964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dm79AIfqq 維尼
I try leaving her alone after that. It is clear my presence is no longer welcomed in her life. I see the sorrowful stare she gives me at the bar now. Not sure whom to leave with, me, or her perfect childhood friend who has been nothing but adoring to her. I made the choice easier, I walked away.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡsexUxl8aZp 維尼
Year 28964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4T4GyEtZ3J 維尼
Or so I thought.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FgsrXMXnh 維尼
Year 2 Day 28964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNa1FMM22u 維尼
But one more visit over at her apartment changes that. 8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡgO0Rjtwnli 維尼
Year 2 Day 158964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CapyIEexg 維尼
She is rooming with a mutual friend of mine, my lead vocalist's girlfriend to be precise. He had left his lyrics in her room. He left everything in that room, his life even. So while my mutual friend scours her room for his lyrics, I let myself into the room of those amber eyes. Looking around I notice it to be as clean as it has always been before. Possibly even emptier now that she no longer had my poster hanging on her walls. Guess it would be hard to continue being such a dedicated fan to a man who stole away her soul and sanity.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0djz21xT1M 維尼
Year 2 Day 158964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwj4CaNX08 維尼
I turn to leave when it caught my eyes. A small twelve pack, Djarum BLACK Cherry. I step over to her bedside table to pick it up. Light, and empty.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvxcFuKWXo 維尼
Year 2 Day 168964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIbUH4kAlT 維尼
“Oh that thing” I turn to see the mutual friend walk in, “I don’t even know why she has that. She doesn’t even smoke”.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSwFhgGo6m 維尼
Year 2 Day 178964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuuO3pM2WZ 維尼
“Why does she have it then?” My lips form the question to voice the curiosity I didn’t even know I had.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyGvlL1S4a 維尼
Year 2 Day 188964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxKIdLi01c 維尼
She shrugs. “I don’t know. She just always stares at it at night, I don’t even know if she sleeps at night. She stares it so much”. She hands me the lyrics “here”.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVOFkRDd5B 維尼
Year 2 Day 198964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBJKDDSXTx 維尼
I grab the lyrics hesitantly, still staring down at the empty black pack.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡud7gHO8RrH 維尼
Year 2 Day 208964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EdHMZ0A7C 維尼
“Don’t you smoke those black cherries?” she asks indifferently8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡua6X5ngbCv 維尼
Year 2 Day 258964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4f6Uf9kHx 維尼
It was my turn to shrug to mirror her fained indifference. “Sure”.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡucMDb7yJIr 維尼
Year 2 Day 268964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAn2tsl6VE 維尼
Placing down the pack I find my way to the front door to head out of the apartment.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡL41MHbtaHv 維尼
Year 2 Day 288964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡkchvBL7UiH 維尼
“Hey, we’re having a small get together to celebrate tonight. If you’re interested swing by and join us. she finally scored her dream job”.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡia0bEetBUL 維尼
Year 2 Day 298964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBXi9e1Okt 維尼
I turn to nod in acknowledgement and to watch the door shut. . . reluctantly.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFLiqsxL1c 維尼
Year 2 Day 308964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gd6UhofE7 維尼
Maybe she is being unfair. Maybe she is being selfish…Either way I never got a chance to explore the meanings behind those glazed over amber eyes. I wonder if she's truly still living, or if she is just still going through the motions, because that is what’s decided for her. Why hasn't she voiced her obscurities?8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwqRUQOpGh 維尼
Year 3 Day 2658964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTVhDyNfvj 維尼
I drove up to the bottom of the stairs on the usual path she would have to cross from her childhood friends to her own apartment. I wait, leaning against the outside of my car. When her figure finally appears at the top of the stairs, accompanied by another, I am smoking my usual cigarette.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwdLM1TSkR 維尼
Year 3 Day 2758964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXucOwtVuP 維尼
Having caught my image in the corner of her eyes she stops abruptly in her track. She is facing me, but he is not. Having noticed her stop, her childhood friend starts to turn to follow her line of sight, only to be stopped as she pulls him into a kiss.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡn09s7HzWWk 維尼
Year 3 Day 2858964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡhv1HczuNHz 維尼
She’s more skillful in her craft than I remember. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was ever manipulated by her like that. I stop and chuckle, realizing we have long pass that. This relationship far surpasses manipulations and toyed emotions. Neither of us are ever so innocent.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡBa3nh6LcoU 維尼
Year 3 Day 2958964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MH5t1ktMs 維尼
I smoke and watch in silent indifference as she pulls him away, directing his gaze away from me. Our eyes never even directly met. I mean she has never once looked into my eyes for even a second. If the eyes are the windows to our soul then there’s no connection there. . .So I wonder why our lives are so interlocked?8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCGkdBMy3C 維尼
Year 3 Day 3058964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOmDvekcy3 維尼
Her figure disappears and reappears in a matter of a few long stretching moments. But once again, she stands before me, before my cigarette even reaches its end. She stood in silence as I finish the last few inhales. 8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Rh3BiFUvU 維尼
Year 3 Day 3158964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YKex1xz20 維尼
Having let out the last exhale of smoke, she watches as I drop the cigarette bud and crush it under my polished boots. She never looks up at me as I open the passenger door. She just stares straight ahead and I watched her slide in wordlessly. Not a single greeting or explanation. Just the same as we left it before.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNrTqrGplo 維尼
Year 3 Day 3258964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡANDnQh7QGQ 維尼
The drive is more than dead silent. It is eerie.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjk2EHyqaJ 維尼
Night 25 Year 3 Day 3358964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡdk4cRgPLSm 維尼
The night is as passionate and intense as though the previous nights all just happened yesterday. Nothing changed. Not the way she arches under my fingertips. Not the way her moans escape her exasperated lips. Not even the way her skin clings to mine. Nor the way her body fits perfectly right up against mine.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡGs0lP7Sf4p 維尼
Night 26 Year 3 Day 3458964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrkwjAkhMS 維尼
However, it is different from those long nights. She no longer had those tears streaking down her face. Instead I open the shower door to find her wearing my shirt, leaning against the balcony ledge. . . smoking my cigarettes. A sad smile creeps upon her face when she watches me emerge from the misting shower.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBc2BEwZOC 維尼
Night 27 Year 3 Day 3558964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6SXk7sNJq 維尼
She holds her hand up. The stone glistens brightly on her ring finger. Seems she found the triple set flawless diamond ring, with a brilliant flawless 2 carat diamond set in the center. Uncertain whose ring she is wearing, her amber eyes glistens under the city skyline.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡZb1Q9Smim9 維尼
Night 28 Year 3 Day 3658964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs0Jlz145C 維尼
Maybe we are being unfair. Maybe we are being selfish...She never asks. Neither do I. I just let her wear it.8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUDR1ZLj0u 維尼
Night 29 Year 3 Day 3668964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA3aqxx9V1 維尼
Or Maybe it is the Leap year. She moves into the new, permanent, place. No more hotel rooms and reflecting windows. I am still constantly away on tour. But now, instead of an empty cigarette pack, she has her diamond ring, and I have my cherry cigarettes for the days I can’t stare into those amber eyes. 8964 copyright protection617ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL4nmQmfVK 維尼
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