You got to be honest with yourself: you’ve seen better days, girl. Insomnia was in the bed all night, leaving you with dark bags the makeup couldn’t fully cover. No matter how many times you run your hand through your hair, everyone can tell it’s a self-cut, an attempt to control the bedhead.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEjmUmp5cU
‘Who cares?’ You think with a grunt, putting the old, faded orange scissors back into the drawer beneath the sink. The hair cut, while a notably asymmetrical, didn’t look that bad. Hell, it could almost look like you actually do have your head screwed on straight!copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡACPNjWQhM4
And that’s what you want, of course. No one looks at or even thinks about the average, boring, sane kid. Except for your friends. The only good thing with school, really. Now, if only you didn’t live in the part of town where only one friend was close by and there was no bus route! Sucks to be you, huh?copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKFeJZcbBO
But the thought of them knowing how much it bothers you is a real punch to the pride guts, ain’t it? After all, they all come to you for their problems, so it’s only logical that you never even think about talking with them about your own!copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡQht9Env3sI
‘I don’t want to let them down.’ You stubbornly claim as you leave the car. Yes, because you dread the thought of even one of them saying ‘It’s better off this way’ and disappearing from your life entirely. You walk into the school building, avoiding eye contact with anyone who might be staring at you.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3lNQFKHWw
~copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqhqE1pRd1
“I don’t know, it’s just…” Tally chews her fry, trying to find the words. “I don’t think I could deal with moving to a new school, especially in the middle of the semester…” She sighs, other hand fiddling with her auburn bangs. Jeez, this whole moving situation is really beating her up.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3i9dXwJ0Z
“I know you aren’t the best at making friends, Tally.” You put on a smile for her. “But you’re a really neat person, alright? I know you’ll make it.” Better than you, that’s for sure.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡrY2MLSrvzo
“I guess…” Her lips twitch to a small grin. “Well, thanks for listening. I don’t think I’ll find a better Mother Hen than you.” You roll your eyes while she throws out the empty box and exits the bathroom. You can’t say that this was the best place to have a girl talk, but it beats passing notes and getting caught by the teachers.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lPkMtlckz
Unlike you, however, she can at least afford to skip class, not that you care… Maybe this downward spiral you’ve yet to admit to yourself all started when your so-called ‘Greatest Boyfriend Ever’ emailed his friends those sexy pictures of you, who emailed them to everyone else. Then blamed you. Then broke up with you. Even some of the teachers still look at you like a walking sperm dumpster today, almost a whole school year later.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0Cw9PtGyu
Never mind that you twisted your foot because you can’t even properly jump off a building and die like a good, angsty teenager.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0sINeAfKa
“Yeah, that was stupid of me, but I moved on.” You said that aloud, idiot. Luckily, no one else is here.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡENvt7iWtuh
You don’t think that you could ever forgive yourself for doing it, though. Face it, the only thing keeping you from trying it again – including having the stones to succeed – is your damn pride.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HiFesvH94
‘I know I’m not okay, right now.’copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡcO4EwST77D
Gee, maybe if you tried harder to move on, instead of keeping all these thoughts here on the inside, you wouldn’t go wearing yourself out by the afternoon, huh?copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMrOfz6c2A
~copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5iNLxfgeo
“hey, slut. Did you cut your hair when you fell from Heaven?” Is Josh trying to insult you, or flirt?copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrdq5KiZSq
“No.” You grin. “But I got some dirt under my nails when I crawled up from Hell.”copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡDac4ZsD6FG
Go ahead, keep up that smile, and pretend the thoughts that gush from your eyes before bed only stays in the night’s shade. Those random ideas about ingesting the mystery drugs Man and Dad keep in that special bathroom cabinet are just that! Random! Everyone gets them, right? Totally! Like how you’re totally fine!copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9MZWxwcOL
You. Delusional. Idiot.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9cPAiAShs
Sure, you say you’re being honest with yourself – THINK you’re being honest with yourself. But you don’t even know yourself! How can you be fine when you can’t even admit all of that!?copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUDwZDYCJD
Smile, laugh, make the jokes! Right now, you cross your arms, a cute attempt to keep out any of your classmates from fishing out this hated neglect behind your cemented grin.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqN5pKCWWq
~copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyAUoacY3u
“Well, I’m going now.” Tally says, releasing a deep exhale. “Thanks for your support. You really are a great friend.”copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnp4TpHS1q
“Hey, it’s nothing. I’m glad I could help. Remember, you’re a really cool person, so I know you’ll do great at that other school, okay?”copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlRjqg32c0
You both shook hands for the last time. She squeezed into the backseat of the car, which sped away.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUy4PWf2Vj
Now you have no one you could possibly trust to talk to.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmGWrzm9ro
“It’s gonna be fine.”copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXJrg9HjbU
Take a good hard look!copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFPSJEPZHL
Face it! This isn’t even about those stupid sexy pictures, or half the school still mentally labeling you as a Slut. You come across as SO mature, with your head screwed nicely on these man-shoulders, and a supposedly better sense of self-awareness, don’t you!? Too bad you’re just tearing yourself apart on the inside like this! Like a stiff trying to pass a torn up book as specially old and ancient!copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡie7YbyyxHZ
~copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡViXEJdNqxZ
“Hey, it’s me! How is everything?” Tally’s voice sings from your phone.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRFbKoQAox
“I’m okay.” You say, twirling the scissors in the bathroom. Because a little more off the right side is going to make you feel better today!copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGMsEX1cvJ
“You sure? I didn’t say anything before, but I was worried about you.” Not fine, please hel-copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡcq195KnTbU
“I’m okay!” You ignore the chunks of brown hair in the sink.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxLxIwWz6k
“You sure you’re still not hu-“copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6r1TUFQVSm
“Really, I’m okay. Yeah, people still look at me weird, but whatever. I’m okay, trust me.” You hang up.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5MHfSsCLE
Then punch the fucking mirror! Because you finally realize that cutting your hair until you’re bald, smiling until your cheeks hurt, and burying all this negative shit is NOT WORKING!copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDbibUO8tV
You sink to the floor in the Fidel Position, shaking as the tears finally fell.copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAmtug9kc2
Please… Just say it… Stop neglecting all of you… Please…copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡGR8tznl1Z7
“I’m not okay.”copyright protection154ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwLRPWMD4f
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