Denial.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdq2kE2khqY
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQLkh2VB36
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vmaR1aXbN
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0luHNfP0ym
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22iWvylLde
"I'm fine," I stressed.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvz4YSn1Mr
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYuB38wWpL
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfOmYlU3oo
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhSMQa0gbH
***488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2DyShvSyR
Anger.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcoul7w6du
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rxErqwT5R
Things are always easy when you're a kid.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncryHvQsM4
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04vdDhZAFG
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAVNWFORa7
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCfgpPb6I1
"Clara?"488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs35F9lD3Wh
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVl460P9Lv
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDrWHg1XAE
"When can I go home?" I asked.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaMkTbRIjM
He sighed. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62dXe4o9jy
"Well?"488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgbrol5IwK
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXFMBg95di
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUWPzwEN9o
"Talking helps."488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKCCfUVYLR
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5lYaR8p0X
"It doesn't work that way."488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDtJhxlwqS
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2MvwHXvb8
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqDSGuwTIk
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IKKldLngS
***488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTyxPms38s
Depression.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdk6Bq0BbQ
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ2uEp4Q9j
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbbgmvIzjb
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4nGp1FQQU
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Nmob7HIqU
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUb1DJgyDz
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWYldf6458
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfB1IX6ax58
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdI2NrUdzb8
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FV4lPSSzv
***488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAE5NMp00Xg
Bargaining.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RZJ2BCmns
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjDdp1glLg
They say it's the five stages of grief.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7bZFQGtu4
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5Ns8KZV1j
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7C01lwlZc
But now, you don't. I don't.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W71tl1Hl1
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOznxghNw3
***488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnuQSEq8xj
Acceptance.488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9xcGLwlQA
There's nothing you can do to change it. 488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5XzfKjvzz
***488Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsb1GPTY5JE
