Denial.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJYQWyoJuz
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QGiEgqLRi
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOzKeXZ4QW
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniVtyq81yn
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHU63WL1vw
"I'm fine," I stressed.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2Ls7ZqET3
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mT32R7D7b
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomI6eX1Lyi
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwA23DiBnKq
***429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXK8f1siIpj
Anger.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR1QCBfmXz
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdocfBH5ic
Things are always easy when you're a kid.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cnd3GxdjQ
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkQdVMR1V4
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpbY4NxrGs
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3Sj2BgqHU
"Clara?"429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDGpYPvwIq
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAbM02xbwM
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmb8BShaUU
"When can I go home?" I asked.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eqeaf28Y4
He sighed. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡistgq8Ew16
"Well?"429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LOC2Xowtu
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXVkvXeyFI
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmWyDQoiGb
"Talking helps."429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIk6pNMSjy
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaRFR2j76e
"It doesn't work that way."429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprVLAdocaj
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlS2DSBOaU
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK45WI69Qt7
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy97AyVEoUE
***429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnU5D8jhmWg
Depression.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHYtXNrpTx
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWKQCzJjwT
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tVF0Er0I1
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJ7zQzg9jY
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6f0rZufYkX
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX4S0xzoTA
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe54SZxPN1a
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUe4oFzgQg
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg34z0xbUtZ
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxO4HGO1qGd
***429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjL4AlSnK8i
Bargaining.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuiJboTyDk
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzDHs7w2uL
They say it's the five stages of grief.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmVqAnzmBk
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDC8jOmxJyy
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8SoYnRp5P
But now, you don't. I don't.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgRUsYtZRD
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqHgGW6T61
***429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8HMxCcXFp
Acceptance.429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPv1CM52OG
There's nothing you can do to change it. 429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkj2E5S1SPT
***429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cUFlWE85V
