T/W- Grief and depression
It's been a while since I last sat down to post new content to this book. Since just over a month ago, I received one of the worst possible news regarding an old school friend of mine. It was truly a bolt out of the blue since at the time, I was laughing and joking on the phone to my boyfriend (key worker and not residing with me and my family.)508Please respect copyright.PENANAFij955Wll3
My phone happened to ding with a message from a girl I knew via mutual friends. She had left our high school a few years before I did since in the UK you leave high school at 18 but she left at 16. It had the following news to which my smile immediately vanished for the rest of the day. A friend had died from suspected COVID-19. I was truly in shock. She was devastated and offered to call me or text some other friends to speak to me. But I said no. I told my boyfriend and we quickly ended the call.
I really didn't know what to do with myself after hearing the news. I called both my parents into the family living room and revealed the news. They were horrified and my Mum held me close. It was a stark reminder that anyone can catch and spread COVID-19 and not know about it. My friend had struggled with other health issues for the last few years and her family were all deemed to be high risk. Just the thought of not seeing her anymore was horrible.
There wasn't even a proper burial for her either. Only five people (all family members) were the only ones allowed to be present. No friends or old school teachers or University staff (since my friend attended the same Uni as me when I used to be an undergrad) were allowed to be there due to social distancing. I wasn't allowed to post anything publicly about her passing until her family gave us the go-ahead. Then, all the tributes started to pour out on Facebook.
She was such a close and special person I was lucky to meet and get to know. After my best friend passed away from cancer in 2010, I happened to be sitting alone on a stairwell and there she was, walking over towards where I was and asking if I was alright. That was the start of a lovely friendship. Since we both experienced some form of grief at a young age, we could both really relate to one another. Sadly, she didn't live close enough to stay over and have sleepovers. However, we both spent quite a lot of lunch breaks together and worked hard in the school's chapel, since we really turned to faith after my friend's passing.
As a result of my Facebook post, lots of people I hadn't heard from in years started messaging me sympathy messages and asking if I needed anyone to talk to. There was this one girl I had not been close with that reached out and at the time, I was incredibly grateful. Together, a whole bunch of us including this girl are planning a memorial picnic of some sort after the whole COVID-19 pandemic is over. We all know in our hearts that it won't be for a long time. However, we certainly don't want the memories of a close friend to fall off the face of the Earth.
Friendship, strength and unity are so important at times like this. My whole family who didn't know my friend well all came out and said they would pray for her, keeping her deep in their thoughts. Again, I was pleased that even though I don't see my family often, they do have kind hearts and are very supportive of what I do. I know reader that you won't know my friend well either, however, this is a reminder that life can be a bitch. Horrible events will happen and as a result, I'm cherishing my friendships a lot more than I used to.
I did get close again with another school classmate who I hadn't spoken to in years. We were both best friends throughout our school years together but lost touch for a while (since my parents weren't keen on me using social media) When I did reach out though, it was a positive conversation. We swapped happy memories of our time there and our current life goals. It's strange what one action or event can do to us. Whenever news of another passing comes through, my heart always fills with dread. I really want this pandemic to be conquered. I hold out some hope that it will be, crossed fingers and toes.
My writing did suffer for a week or so after my friend's passing, but I'm back now. Poetry I've found to be great at helping to come to terms with my emotions and depression spells. My friend knew how much I loved to write and when we used to bump into each other in university buildings, she would always ask how my stories were coming along. I think she wrote something at our old school too. However, my memory is still a little sketchy about that. Nevertheless, she had a lovely smile, was a great listener and loved to fundraise for good causes including a charity that supports others like my cousin waiting for kidney transplants. I will never forget her.
One day when it's safe to do so, I will go to her resting place and spend some time thanking her for everything she ever did and I know will continue to do in heaven. I have a strong feeling she is watching me write this now and is encouraging the words to flow out onto this laptop and this book. Remember the good times, they'll boost your spirits.
I miss you friend.
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