如果讀者喜歡此故事,希望你能正評+留言,或到penana點「喜歡」,謝謝你的支持!135Please respect copyright.PENANAgUFLeDWuOX
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https://www.penana.com/story/59387/勵志-命運的顏色-一個書寫障礙患者的故事135Please respect copyright.PENANAqhGY6DOqzf
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147章 - 不應該有的空閒135Please respect copyright.PENANA4uxAwPPnHe
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兩年多過去,我一直沒有全職工作,沒有跟半個朋友來往,過著封閉式生活。135Please respect copyright.PENANAztNLBN4hAs
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今天運動完了,我回到家裡,一如以往空無一人、昏暗的大廳,洗好澡,打算推開房門的時候,聽到身後另一道房門拉開了。135Please respect copyright.PENANAhbaQQXIZhM
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「程,回來了嗎?」老爸說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAokJpiBQFmP
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老爸數年前動過手術,幸運地,他的康復進度良好。數年過去了,傷口雖然還會隱隱作痛,老爸按時吃藥,依照醫生的指示,身體已沒大礙。135Please respect copyright.PENANAAzUCR9fz8q
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從前老爸是夜班司機,大病之後沒有上夜班了。不言敗的他,總是希望重投職場,以較低薪水重操故業,當兼職日班私人司機,每星期上班三天,其他時間在家裡休息。據老爸說,他的體力能應付工作需要,老媽當然想老爸以身體作為首要考慮,但是考慮到終點是希望老爸走出疾病的陰霾,所以放任醫學上失去工作能力的老爸繼續工作。135Please respect copyright.PENANALyU5Lw0zyV
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一個秋日的午後,今天老爸不用上班。135Please respect copyright.PENANATAF6JqQODc
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「嗯。」我說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAgye7wXMDAI
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難道這個衣裝要出去嗎?135Please respect copyright.PENANAjbvGQ8nMky
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「吃了飯沒有,要做飯給你吃嗎?」老爸說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAzhENev2UAt
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「不…不用了,已經吃了。」我說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAbsFuLpeo5E
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「有空聊一下嗎?」老爸扶著牆壁,坐到沙發說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAirW072acNS
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「…」135Please respect copyright.PENANAzMAqwpioaj
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突然要聊天,總覺得不會是甚麼好事。135Please respect copyright.PENANAii4TqBTDyq
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我倒了杯熱茶給老爸,坐到了老爸身旁,心裡準備好迎接老爸的訓斥。135Please respect copyright.PENANAI6xhUrLi73
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我稍稍察看老爸的臉,他是一張仁慈的臉。135Please respect copyright.PENANAAoTpnzIUpA
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「今天沒有補習嗎?」老爸說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAxiLvrPeOY7
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「有啊,晚上有一個學生。」135Please respect copyright.PENANA1iMAq9hOoU
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「不用等你吃飯了?」135Please respect copyright.PENANAbYhZ0xqPG4
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「我吃了飯再出去。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAyaguSIRtNr
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「收入…還好嗎?」135Please respect copyright.PENANALToT0tn95G
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兩年了,沒有全職工作的事實,家人當然知道,以前我跟他們說︰「我的開支會自理」,老爸老媽竟然沒有反對,光哥…自中學以後就不再管我的事了,所以沒人阻止我的決定。我一直依靠補習那份不高不低的收入過活,其他時間不斷做戶外運動和在房間做訓練,希望終有一天能打開那個「開關」,離開發展協調障礙這個問題。但時至今天,問題依然持續。135Please respect copyright.PENANAXkJtu3QBPs
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「嗯。」我馬虎回答。135Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZsMtxXm6A
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「不夠花的話我給你一點?」老爸說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAQrh1KVxbBH
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因為光哥的工程公司經營理想,他不時給一大把鈔票作為家用,感覺是送錢給父母的孝子,老爸老媽見到我的情況,不時問我錢夠不夠花,總是被我拒絕。135Please respect copyright.PENANAFbLIMConXg
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「不用了,我還可以,老爸你把錢儲起來吧。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAA5yok0CCRu
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路是自己挑的,到死,都要把路走完,為自己的決定負責。135Please respect copyright.PENANAT0IuXLhgl2
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「想關心一下你的情況,可以嗎?」135Please respect copyright.PENANAccXmUgf1wU
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你的身份是父親,沒有甚麼可以不可以啊,否定我的決定也是有道理的。135Please respect copyright.PENANAgUERHv8YuK
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「程你…真的沒打算找全職工作嗎?」135Please respect copyright.PENANA8e3UEzSatE
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「…」我盯著屋內的一角,思考怎樣回答。135Please respect copyright.PENANAzmzn5iqq7X
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「雖然錢方面你現在不成問題,但是長久下去,人的擔子愈來愈大,我們幫不了多少啊。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAcW2knju4Q4
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作為補習老師,時薪升幅不算理想,最理想方法是多找幾個學生,這樣就犧牲時間,跟我的主要目標相違背。135Please respect copyright.PENANAwUG0HD9Pdt
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「你爸我,知道你不是沒有工作的心,你每天都有去上班,幹自己喜歡的事,沒有問我們要過半毛錢,這些我們是知道的,但是你的情況,我們開始擔心了。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAVAPjtnxBAI
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要是老爸來硬的,我一定頂嘴,但是他用柔和的方式說這些話,我反駁不了,準確點說是「不忍心反駁」...135Please respect copyright.PENANA2fQ6610fCw
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「喜歡教學生,為甚麼不當全職補習老師?我朋友的女兒就是補習老師,這樣工作會穩定一點吧?」135Please respect copyright.PENANABtjdCZ59HI
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我不是沒有想過當全職補習老師...全職就沒有時間了。我選擇維持這個狀態是希望找到更多時間,為身上的機能病找到答案,我深信自己能辦到,所以從來沒有放棄過,也沒有放棄過自己...135Please respect copyright.PENANAgs9B680QhR
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這兩年裡,我不斷嘗試以前聽過的疑似答案,早就試過但沒甚麼治效、物理治療師的治療指示,還有白先生說的運動治療法,每天抽很多時間反覆做過無數次測試、鍛鍊,甚至中學確診之前被我否定了的方向也重新跑了一遍,有開倒車的感覺,但事實是︰所有都不像是答案,手部活動能力沒有突破性的改善...天啊...135Please respect copyright.PENANANkTB88PD5q
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可能,我對自己是個「不正常的人」這個自我定位耿耿於懷,不想被別人標籤,也不想接受這個事實,所以才花費無數時間想要治好這個病。135Please respect copyright.PENANADU2edynrbW
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念念不忘,結果白花了兩年。135Please respect copyright.PENANAW8GnpV19lx
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值得為一個旁人看來只是小問題的病花掉青春黃金期的兩年嗎?135Please respect copyright.PENANAI2MxE148CH
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我想沒有經歷過這類病症的人,是不會明白我的痛苦。這個想法,從中學開始我已經抱持著。135Please respect copyright.PENANAMJu4hiHhrc
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即使是經歷過這種苦的白先生,也不太明白我的痛苦。他憑自己的其他優秀條件,成功找到其他類別的工作,他還「幸運地」解決了抄寫的問題,成就非凡。135Please respect copyright.PENANAknKBfAMt7P
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一將功成,萬骨枯。有多少同病相連的畢業生被這個病折騰得死來活去,迷失在時間的洪流之中?難道失敗者會站出來分享失敗的經驗嗎?從來只有成功者有資格搞分享會,讓所有人看成功者美輪美奐的一面。於我而言,我覺得失敗者也值得搞自己的分享會,前車之轍,可以借鑒,但是世界價值觀否定了我的想法,我一直找不到經驗分享,不論是生活周遭,還是越洋到世界彼端的網絡世界。135Please respect copyright.PENANAnnCmKetjIr
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「…」我好像有甚麼難言之隱似的,純粹低下頭。135Please respect copyright.PENANAzF5YlHiXqX
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「有甚麼事想要做嗎?」老爸說。135Please respect copyright.PENANASbZSTpeBKA
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我微微點頭。135Please respect copyright.PENANAgJRAOMy7Lr
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「是不是那個...甚麼病?」老爸問。135Please respect copyright.PENANAq5zkQ8YEYA
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原來老爸還記得我有這個問題。135Please respect copyright.PENANAqJY8sucJcu
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我又微微點頭。135Please respect copyright.PENANADyfa60Btin
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「你爸我,還有你媽,唸書真的不多,不知道你發生了甚麼事,但是人的時間是有限的,你看我和你媽,臉上皺紋跟頭髮一樣多,不要留下後悔啊。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAlgrdwXKbdN
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不要留下後悔…135Please respect copyright.PENANAaLfv7YbrGp
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其實我現在做的事就是為了不留下後悔,但好像在製造另一個後悔…我開始搞不清了。135Please respect copyright.PENANApv3qg4TS5m
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「聊別的吧。光快要結婚了,他有跟你聊過甚麼嗎?」老爸轉話題。135Please respect copyright.PENANA6kIe2LX6D7
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「沒有。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAgtIHifybW1
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這幾年我不斷向光哥搭話,他總是一句起,兩句止的回答,他怎會主動跟我說甚麼。135Please respect copyright.PENANAK2Ue7NTtQR
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「甚麼?竟然沒有?兩星期後就是光的婚禮了。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAqhOEmCt9eO
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「甚麼時候安排的?我完全不知道啊。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAOMcI79pFDZ
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我只知道光哥跟一個叫歐陽家琪的女孩交往了幾年,她不時在我們家吃飯,感情穩定,就只是這樣。我真不知道婚期。135Please respect copyright.PENANA2x7kiZDnEn
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「光打算儀式簡單一點,把錢省下來。早上註冊簽文件,下午到雙方的家敬茶,晚上在茶樓擺幾圍,儀式就當完成了。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAWoXlXGikNv
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「沒有禮服之類的嗎?」135Please respect copyright.PENANACjITAgwy6U
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「沒有,光主張一切從簡,他打算穿運動裝而已。」老爸難掩萬分恩惠心情地說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAWy6UnSiBcJ
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穿運動裝結婚…135Please respect copyright.PENANAmUz19x9JWa
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「即是說我們不用刻意打扮?」135Please respect copyright.PENANAFuSCzc8OYO
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「我想是吧,我跟你媽打算穿得像逛街一樣而已,不然比主角更好看又有點奇怪。」老爸笑著說。135Please respect copyright.PENANAH92GgmskdM
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「那天我有甚麼可以幫忙嗎?」135Please respect copyright.PENANAAHbL6H2qoN
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「嗯…暫時沒有。你那天早點起床,給一天光吧?補習可以調動一下時間嗎?」135Please respect copyright.PENANAj3KlU7GUwY
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「好的。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAZx7msdoXa1
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「還有,光說你不用買甚麼給他了,不用花這個錢。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAEVOCFDWUIB
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「…」135Please respect copyright.PENANA7ajED2ITFC
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買結婚禮物的話,獨力選一份禮物,少說也要二千多塊,精美一點或者挑戒指可能要三千,可能光哥考慮到我的經濟狀況吧。135Please respect copyright.PENANAKgAa5t7qIb
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「杜家終於有媳婦了,光真的混得不錯。」老爸的臉洋溢著幸福,老懷安慰般。135Please respect copyright.PENANA3wku83KOXc
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光哥中學成績太爛,沒有繼續唸書,早早踏入社會,卻因為找到自己前路去向,早早啟程出發、在社會混,混得理想;反觀自己…也是混社會,卻是「胡混」的「混」,事業還沒有起步。135Please respect copyright.PENANAj1JtGYjeLe
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「其實你爸我…雖然今天只有自己一個人吃飯,但是相當高興,因為你們都有自己的事業︰你媽要工作,你也要工作,光除了工作還要陪女朋友,能有這個家庭,我非常高興。現在我最擔心的是你啊,程。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAMPlDyIo2s9
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「…」135Please respect copyright.PENANASxAubXICkS
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「可以的話,我真想你帶一個人上來吃飯,能倒茶給我喝就最好了。」135Please respect copyright.PENANApvg4fmLMBv
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我就知道這個話題今天一定躲不了…你要喝茶是嗎?我倒給你,你要多少杯?135Please respect copyright.PENANAMAqBWZzHOM
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「程啊。」老爸抓起我的手。「要學會為自己打算啊,人會老的。」135Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2la2EzGvb
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…135Please respect copyright.PENANAnrQa0ab0BO
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「嗯…嗯。」我只哼出一聲,表情苦澀,心裡被揪住似的。「呼…」135Please respect copyright.PENANAxDfKeCRRy5
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速度…到今天還沒有結果…135Please respect copyright.PENANAEx216fR00G
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「肚子真的不餓嗎?」135Please respect copyright.PENANA877YWwUvid
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「嗯。」我哼聲。135Please respect copyright.PENANAcXY5sQdXpp
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「好吧,聊了很久,那麼不阻你了。」老爸說畢,蹣跚地回到房間休息了。135Please respect copyright.PENANAa1HzyXhhbz
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為何一個病人,即使被評為「永久失去工作能力」,拼死擠出半點力量,成就出不可能;而身為健全人士的我,卻甚麼也做不到…135Please respect copyright.PENANA8h40AoyOmL
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「為甚麼?」135Please respect copyright.PENANAOKH2mSe4bl
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為甚麼…135Please respect copyright.PENANA7EVjbPfK3Q
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我不想再停留在這個階段啊,那麼接下來的路,要怎樣走?135Please respect copyright.PENANAsSBfcKRtkp
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