也許這是無法避免的,林森然要是沒有自刎,他就無法徹底放下趙伏羲,從而愛上莊瑾言。這篇文像是預言一般,我終究會做出和林森然一樣的事,就在當時的我也沒有想過的三年後。也不對,其實我每天想得要瘋了,只是終於做了,但不是因為感情,身邊也沒有莊瑾言。8Please respect copyright.PENANAVL8NpwxAII
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在稍微改變的心境下所以有了後續。8Please respect copyright.PENANA6M9TgQsbIO
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很多時候,我們可能一生都無法了解自己。8Please respect copyright.PENANAR49X5pD4MK
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好在我們可以更了解自己。8Please respect copyright.PENANAPY4RSp0re8
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林森然看著自己右手上的刀疤,他是左撇子,所以傷在右手上。8Please respect copyright.PENANA9686RDQg4i
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林森然是瘋的,因為他沒有顧忌,所以在瘋狂下能夠保持冷靜。8Please respect copyright.PENANACWX5esGuNV
8Please respect copyright.PENANAEIL68D3Krp
猶記當時,林森然在逼瘋自己的臨界點,只是下定決心結束這一切,也許這個決定無法解決問題,但是可以讓問題消失。8Please respect copyright.PENANAKRxAApN6bY
8Please respect copyright.PENANA5u0pz8hYZj
道理誰都懂,但是明白道理並不會讓自己更好過,所以即使知道自殘或自殺是不對的,但還是有人會去做,何況林森然雖然有憂鬱症,但是他並不會自殘,因為沒有必要,他也不需要透過自殘來讓自己冷靜,因為他一直都很冷靜。8Please respect copyright.PENANA5cvHgl8Pwe
8Please respect copyright.PENANAjw38CvTOuP
於是他整理好自己的屋子,銷毀自己"存在"的證明,他銷毀的並不是睡過的床或是用過的水杯,不是聯絡過的朋友或是養的貓,他銷毀的是存在自己的照片、寫下的日記、網上連載的漫畫、畫在紙上的圖。8Please respect copyright.PENANAay1LWz2Z5i
8Please respect copyright.PENANAhVWOcJUEpD
他甚至沒有留下遺書,只是在銷毀自己的意志以後,拿了鋒利的刀在自己手上劃開一道深深的口子。他不想造成混亂,所以他還拿了桶子接著他流淌的血液,拿紙巾擦拭了噴濺的血滴,而且他知道在幾個小時後就會有人發現他的屍體,乾乾淨淨。8Please respect copyright.PENANA0XZOtjqwAT
8Please respect copyright.PENANAb7uLGqjzoR
只是這種事畢竟是第一次幹,在發現傷口凝固以後,刮開凝固的血,對著血管再次劃開,他一直都很冷靜,並不是衝動下做出的選擇,只是在一刀刀下,他也沒有想要聯繫的人,只是對於即將發現自己的莊瑾言,他倒是有些慌了。8Please respect copyright.PENANAzytAaD0h5K
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如果他沒死成會怎麼樣?8Please respect copyright.PENANA8swkYS92SZ
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他將要面對愛他的人的情緒,無論是好是壞,要做就不要失敗。8Please respect copyright.PENANAxv99ATb2Yq
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但是他不能夠繼續下去嗎?從來沒有人教他放棄。8Please respect copyright.PENANA7iFxVYaDc6
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於是在決定停止這一切後,林森然感到巨大的悲傷,因為他還要繼續活下去。8Please respect copyright.PENANADujqj4Bqqz
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但是害怕面對莊瑾言,於是他逃了。8Please respect copyright.PENANAZgQt9RE2dI
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「你是幾點的時候做的?」8Please respect copyright.PENANAfuuoRCkfFc
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「超過六個小時很有可能感染。」8Please respect copyright.PENANAl60UaPBwGv
8Please respect copyright.PENANAA7DsmRdHBq
醫生在縫合傷口的時候說著。8Please respect copyright.PENANACjtfcMIGR6
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消毒水壓著傷口來回摩擦,麻藥一針針打在傷口周邊,因為要進行縫合,由於傷口深開口比較大,縫合傷口能癒合的比較快一些。8Please respect copyright.PENANAMQAbSwDAWE
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只是這些動作比刀割還痛,但是咎由自取。8Please respect copyright.PENANA2F4SidxZ28
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醫院的後續林森然都相當配合,在精神科醫師諮商後林森然並沒有回家,而是一個人來到酒吧。8Please respect copyright.PENANA8rjpKdz24P
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再後來莊瑾言找到了他。8Please respect copyright.PENANA9ZeZDn9v42
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莊瑾言的態度有些改變,比如對林森然的控制慾更深了,有些行為更加放縱,有些行為更加約束,全部都是因為林森然的不穩定性。8Please respect copyright.PENANAIc8bGwdkAI
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他知道林森然能避開所有人悄無聲息的結束自己,能有一次就能有第二次,而且只會做得更絕。8Please respect copyright.PENANATYWRmpbLgW
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所以他必須有所保留,他在過度的溺愛下保持著一定程度的冷漠。8Please respect copyright.PENANAayRXTQ1LP4
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對比之下,林森然對莊瑾言倒是毫無保留地接納了,一部分是因為感謝,謝謝願意留在他身邊的莊瑾言,一部份是因為愧疚,愧疚逃避了人生以後,能夠徹底放下趙伏羲,好好回應莊瑾言的感情。8Please respect copyright.PENANAzaCtOgKjOF
8Please respect copyright.PENANA6KriVUrBcx
「大蛇,是我沒有魅力了嗎?」林森然坐在床上,拉著莊瑾言的衣角。8Please respect copyright.PENANA501hAYSbPx
8Please respect copyright.PENANA48lwJ29L2V
「不是。」莊瑾言沒有回過身看他,但是他知道林森然正裝模作樣地故作委屈,像貓一樣在他身邊撒嬌。8Please respect copyright.PENANA8mIwpXAQmi
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「那你怎麼不再來?」林森然的聲音也很委屈,還搖了搖抓著他衣角的手。8Please respect copyright.PENANAgW8MtnLQLz
8Please respect copyright.PENANAslT4PN1bdN
不是不來,莊瑾言這個人本來就好色,性慾也很強,他想得要瘋了,想要弄得他亂七八糟,想要做各種莫名其妙的事,但終究也沒有在他身上實施。8Please respect copyright.PENANAfVYoGnssHX
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只是太難得了,從林森然做錯事那天起,乖巧又主動,在房事上積極的人調換了。8Please respect copyright.PENANAmlC9cYdSXB
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想要灌滿他。8Please respect copyright.PENANAU6vC1CqPsZ
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莊瑾言回過頭看著林森然,腦海裡就出現這個想法。8Please respect copyright.PENANAlsqrUyDRsy
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「你不是......以前都會做些甚麼把我弄醒嗎?」林森然真的很喜歡眠奸,只要他睡夠了就可以隨便弄,如果睡不夠是會生氣的,但是莊瑾言現在不做了。8Please respect copyright.PENANAkIHCnxjg1n
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「那麼,如果你更新完漫畫,我就繼續。」莊瑾言說。8Please respect copyright.PENANADM3riJsz9e
8Please respect copyright.PENANAWRdN85rbcH
林森然瞪大了眼睛,他從來沒想過,有一天,他會為了要人家睡他交換條件,簡直荒唐!8Please respect copyright.PENANA1FI3Hb5mo6
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「好吧......」但是他同意了。8Please respect copyright.PENANAjw3IlTFufA
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呼......8Please respect copyright.PENANAEHrYCpogYe
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莊瑾言暗自鬆了一口氣,因為林森然的改變不只如此,林森然比過往更加縱容自己,這不是壞事,壞的是他也更加不在意生活的意義。8Please respect copyright.PENANAVGlelnqn0a
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飯會吃,工作會做,僅此而已。8Please respect copyright.PENANAzYNMUN6egL
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他失去對生活的熱情,不再去做自己的興趣,說吃飯,也只是吃了而已,生活乏善可陳。8Please respect copyright.PENANAaVNDu4yobj
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「只一次。」莊瑾言說。8Please respect copyright.PENANAiT2uaFab3U
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「蛤?」8Please respect copyright.PENANAFUgAKp6tGu
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「你更新一篇,我就跟你......一次。」大概是覺得字眼粗俗,聽起來像是在玩弄人,莊瑾言沒有說出來,反正可以理解就好。8Please respect copyright.PENANAZZtfRMgW1p
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聽起來像在交易的對話讓林森然人都傻了,他都放下節操主動了,怎麼還有這種破事?8Please respect copyright.PENANAUwbpBXJKb7
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就在林森然即將爆發的時候,莊瑾言又說了。8Please respect copyright.PENANAOqPbrVqflv
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「看你想去哪裡,去山上或海邊,或是出國去畫稿,我都陪你。」8Please respect copyright.PENANAfAakKHW2eh
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「山上那麼多蚊子,海邊太黏膩了,風吹得渾身都是沙......而且外語又不通......」在莊瑾言溫柔的目光下,林森然抱怨連連,但只是抱怨,並沒有拒絕。8Please respect copyright.PENANANzleo403wo
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「就當是陪我。」莊瑾言說著,他想,他會慢慢讓林森然重拾對生活的興趣。8Please respect copyright.PENANAQL87F5z2UI
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莊瑾言跟林森然的故事正搞有五萬字,並沒有寫完,"誰來買單"只是正搞裡面,兩個人正視彼此感情的重點篇章,也許有機會,故事會有公開的一天。8Please respect copyright.PENANALqvHQTyJEc