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第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bfiQixwGI
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuy2Bte8T9E
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還沒有學會「接受」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11GtV9R5gt
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接受現實498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsDaugk4FY
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因為認為是屈服498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLVCDDuf9Y
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感覺好像自己在投降498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7UeR86l7A
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放棄一切498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZ2Eu2kjEe
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOMEdFwfIU
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43lwMLpB4V
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認為是這樣子的狂妄498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsnIDsOhGl
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無他498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0bX3xQQ05
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說是愚痴也不過份498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc1DaM2TJG
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只是她不相信498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l35YgKylv
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懷疑498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pF0Tm7Jyy
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她⋯⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YZQH8KXkb
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「⋯⋯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HNOxiq4hV
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDsUYaPN6I
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單單是想像也有夠不安498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKBKAbSz3a
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoU0rjSXe5n
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但若論為什麼會對其驚訝498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81RDa6lhfS
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唯一句498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXUAOtdtTz
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當局者迷，旁觀者清498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zr1kcQgKP
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU62zNNdXTC
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsqSCjIoSP
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——————498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwm3PmwHSS
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GgitLkMRr
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且不死，無法殺死498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFWdaf7F8O
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——————498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMuoQAscV5
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人家已經很盡力了498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IgEKWOGvv
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5M2xU3gTY
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憤怒498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRunIOllT2
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtdMkfD4Mg
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因為我沒有用498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ108LT2DBBj
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahSWk04idC
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「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbiAMSzGYq
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「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCM6AjYEzQa
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進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkszwttkAH
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUlhrVmywY
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgwptA6G99
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDogXKEsdo
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi15v2BMh6e
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3QJdYVb2w
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4WIgGyICh
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9E85WJ5KK9
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcJjvzVAxa
太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OoXJEUu4y
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已經失眠了多久？498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFkddFPsUw
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALJoVsJ6F2
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsxr2C3jqj
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Wi9jfXZE9
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbZgCfeTG6
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ284R0jDhxv
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRR8DImdHB
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBd7ciZ9GrA
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0rbpQnVFM
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIM2SSD6PU
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nStP5KXsy
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKfaGiiqWj
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——呀？
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嗯？498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYzaIsiwue
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又是這樣
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難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0C7iIC4yL
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498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0SNqL6QtK
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelKillZycP
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnzq7Yx52D
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiKpPjx60m
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhOiM0fTXd
我也想活下去
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs08FxpVCOL
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqqRJCTrIv
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ949Pm6wMbh
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HUM8mjghs
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqNRpY9FUJ
一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eUn8WBjY3
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44NcS5AFlr
或是說，我不希望⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24DmulpUn9
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEcELsQmZa
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfXPNHobnm
⋯⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadEnubtCko
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkreE45fYzo
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0M3Gu76Dwi
對不起498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fe2nikC4G
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLousQFFZeW
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGq88Xc08l
我也希望自己⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBWODgOGD3
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwtn3gMI9S
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUG4MFgGBx
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvfXZws5yA
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJPZWpatSa
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5XZTCsvez
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOHZsaRtW8
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRbXQMe5Ec
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGo1pgU1Ag7
角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizF388xtNZ
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3g96enQUh
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhquhZc9vMz
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsepIL74apF
「⋯⋯嗯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiME5ivQiQ
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZMzZkimKg
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApA5ahhFFI
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhJAZjpM4s
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobP5StDf2B
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJycaPspubP
「⋯⋯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonjw8r72Ld
「真的」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuWXJ4C8aI
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1MRWAqrNm
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSVwxjPp1B
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR88kOXd6R0
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVYuL9H2iu
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuEvEZZepD
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC10CRocG7b
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYPqu26hxX
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0N6KXBMyAC
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5u09fQM1a
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5jEWlga2b
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk9N3EyKQX
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJITCuo6Xnj
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnynHidAa2i
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN7cTroP9q
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJI8X1Of4m
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41ZPVanY63
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsZuqyfcI9
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbXnlwdHR7
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuSAbnN9RV
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBxkIdNGP2
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPk2Y9dRKnU
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg6qegAIny
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwsVwkXuQR
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV9AQLOUu9
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPbhUngYtY
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqknNPMG4k
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC8aWMEBee
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUKChM4TA2
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrCPgUq7vK
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhD6jh9iTh
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaIY6BIiJs
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG3diIRvw7
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZ2yVzPER7
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCipZxOjza
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6id2wqfBf
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJteXzRtHx4
最後一記，最強烈
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bwabL7XQv
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxa1cC6Qqhi
「⋯哈啊⋯」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFVXpazqG0
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDEjuVFVDT
鬆口，直至其手到胸口498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfxTCKfKZ1
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6aChw22op
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3jSJ4Uw6c
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
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498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeInpX9pQT
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
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498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwyv9tKzgq
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
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498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXZDJayIdg
「⋯啊？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hu31jpOXa
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Mo4kVMENB
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6O1B0BfDdR
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDfDNEsQJQ
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96eXGz9EyM
「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4BFzykkZ6
「等、等等」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPyWiUApBk
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhF6hxCy2ZW
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcBuKDb6JW
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPEs0XyS94
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlF2pvsgnM4
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9gmrvx54M
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7oCJH08QB
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTeR6N93lg
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIITh4dTFtz
完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeck6DjmFPB
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcl3QCPZzRu
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYM2Ek8HEHd
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1okLJjbIzt
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9z5ZRr4K0T
好痛
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCqgcTVKiX
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKUFF8l1mh
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs01jIZqrs
但會有人在意嗎？
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0NZGm46Wr
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrrmCWO2U5
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUMjAhvQqr
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Zi50rwJSB
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe02fkjMqa7
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hvL61q5F4
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkATV04GDmT
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fNTVrgiYM
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllRpxlCChV
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAt8bxoFH4
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmRAsn4YPW
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2McjvhLRh4
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EpJahbmhb
永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhyGsudI18
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4k42AbCC2
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdP9SiAjHLH
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EFVjg8CzF
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5lQITwDFL
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ICdLt53vB
每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzI5Wbxc12
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1PYc65Zqn
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mbWQS6hSt
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepprFm0BPD
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQzL2zVnek
比較下，條件不由自己定
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFZq0ICx4V
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEfUr57VKO
我沒有選擇權498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CzfL6KP4D
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEwLRapqTD
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EWSZSGcOJ
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHZ7yNlsek
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcumF4tM0J
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gEqLKBz2R
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1wlYrB8O2
明白嗎？498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mh8mEUyoX
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnszstqRtq
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJlCGM3zE5
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn6vD0naO7
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDAnA77NXR
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxT69B0YA6
若世界更溫柔的話——
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyaG3DVH2e
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DpGXExHsm
不可能498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXWTtYPfy2
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAC1W0j8eg
故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvPeZm9wPR
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIALGaur3b
什麼也沒有498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ob2FG76wd
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcC2AUskyy
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOV6Srap4c
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX71VjGqFm6
在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPbyyAsmr0
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7AzxDT0CT
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6uHqf6QwD
當然498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUElPaznEFk
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCstCcnKCB
絕對
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnZEiN4gJ8
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqi34k37r3R
不想498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTexEooUnC
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnv3iIkT8eG
但始終，真的太辛苦了498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcg5OaVi3h
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrtkAPg3wS
⋯⋯498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKr3dEvx1d
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDrVIZawAp
思考真的太辛苦了498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8yuWMkq37
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaf4MKWUV8
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzU4kB8MdDj
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK13MWduDD
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTjkfbuxYL
「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3BUJx6r9L
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTksN8VWBnA
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz5TbmJXeD
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8mPjnTSvY
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIB9mtqZfYe
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73pwNHHpRq
「⋯⋯對不起」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXI82D8FKn
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQXJazPk57
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWug21dTXJC
「嗯⋯」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxIlCy63Cl
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbi3V5syMx9
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6836toRS9
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWIjaAAvxb
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5F5v7IpB2
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2bcfIZWTJ
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBXTVXIFYF
「忠誠致赤雨之日」498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E1QUcFGI7
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkamO0MB3Nw
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5mT8cuvCu
女孩說道
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cATd1pm48
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpULnHreWQ
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkFQyFRoWm
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhjrLG2h71
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUBsGZoxTR
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIo7T76Wy4
是女孩的指示498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMTMfpeBhv
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiTt7gna41
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79lT79eaWe
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI7VVK08Hz
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJP18GQNJH
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkgxlh7DNt
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvalT9UFDq0
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7h0We5km7
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVwAR6uO2G
直至最後能看見的——498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YcAYJFOIa
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOZ3sFNgyp
也不存在
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhzrXFoE8w
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT5iutgVea
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq51nN67oxk
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kqBigo6QY
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHuFbx7mQ6
但無法辨認498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuHGRrBxtr
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT8PrB5MPd
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXO02BYLuS
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSM6iL8zzj
黑暗將自己包圍498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZP4lsnmui
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhVJGOO6sG
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJKertayZ7
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcGjVwbcu0
不知多久了498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1E2yIm9TDm
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vGAnNO9KJ
在那時開始498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrmubb84fB
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlpdX3flZn
那裏498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4kIqjDGw7
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0Zfke5G1K
但有些事情〇〇
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCBrVNRkTs
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUyxxfeRqC
〇〇〇498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHY6Y0mNMLo
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVI6jPoHBc
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy6j7M73wu
〇〇〇〇〇〇498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfhmU0dDoI
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb67kwAdPz
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqxuwIN8eR
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBtd2UEvOJ
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOisg6mK5DU
現在不是你的回合498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVx394R176
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnl8NAqZsik
498Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dSDBC3kZN
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