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第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK8Abl8kG4
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ysXQwybwE
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還沒有學會「接受」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7lkbsa7Gu
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接受現實438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RMpQSQYju
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因為認為是屈服438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfO4cB1Fxe
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感覺好像自己在投降438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZ5Ml5ONPa
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放棄一切438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuednuv0fA
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKCiIdcjQq
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeR0oYjDYsW
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認為是這樣子的狂妄438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPBP3VjumR
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無他438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07Gs8bcBUT
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說是愚痴也不過份438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8bi6blqjF
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只是她不相信438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOs5QHKUpXp
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懷疑438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4A13g6Sr1R
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她⋯⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMjT6cdWgb
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「⋯⋯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBaT4ftmGv
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxVMvGBsc3
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpi6jer5BsD
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單單是想像也有夠不安438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkaxtKL51I
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRUIjNkbp7
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5IUymzeRO
但若論為什麼會對其驚訝438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0Oh9km5gI
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唯一句438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpPonnxkUt
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當局者迷，旁觀者清438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTKlvniObt
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpItcMVkZY
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJzegoPZBu
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeH9ssfBTG
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且不死，無法殺死438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaITSFOSnui
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——————438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVGf5P2pFi
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人家已經很盡力了438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiuVAIox0G
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVHAKwRkRO
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憤怒438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1eigqVXSF
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5Rz6HF5nQ
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因為我沒有用438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkUevKDNRP
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2NEsxcnpU
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULGOea5e3d
「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8p82W92C8
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBpst1SBmG
「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrQgqWGM18
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8p5F6PNy00
進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrplpYqQYa
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wDrTRabaU
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtR2EcZf0M2
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKFfMq17AT
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKWK2Xf3PB
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZrS9Uf7VV
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡku2UJLxVGv
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSKHybkLCG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc8USPJtvM
太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTvYyUFnab
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已經失眠了多久？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDsvbcXZHW
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBSsznD0kN
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiY9rOQ5AP
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJycL8NDrc
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1QJjpueSK
由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwbvSbHJAi
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HyTTqotM5
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaswXdD0ixr
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtr9XqCD9B
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcotg79Qe9S
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMOmSfpARI
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAEVJ719l4
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6MoGY9zTK
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——呀？
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嗯？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzISbSZDX70
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又是這樣
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438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXWulVZ4XL
難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6bhZrnW2L
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fkM7Awj9C
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPNnWHlsWF
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nN72KCQ4g
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2U9LGk0ysU
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1uIYYMMz9
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEpxMpcIVJ
我也想活下去
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPzyBIdpvM
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1zx696n8w
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGzISGvGVR
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl6Kq4Vi3h
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatg7uOUiZt
一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasJrlTj1X3
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoxuDa24wr
或是說，我不希望⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPVj5sk5Gn
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWG3niuhOG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHNuUHQk1q
⋯⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvMx3gdjPT
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZy5c4pxieX
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82oN42q12O
對不起438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvqPa5U12t
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpqr1wvAD9
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYE21D2aJo
我也希望自己⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXKTbrL2zG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCBeahDd33
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9u4JBNKbkf
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZAmL499pi
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCNLv2Z8uK
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCdEjw85QK
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Hevt7VTjV
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgkhbG1Jnu
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzURQhLMPWK
角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ084WYQQS7S
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Iq5RW6ARh
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaZs21EGDO
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6tRsAsddA
「⋯⋯嗯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNR5LflsRE
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0Kpe0zc1n
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCtY5T3FuW
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHxMu3KMlU
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR021bPaI3
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdtscEMfyO
「⋯⋯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHcrHxRV1I
「真的」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrirR29owU
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdEB5i1ZQw
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7sUV1F7dk
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUjTpuFIwS
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhBa9RENwS
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80tVV8vQfN
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayJMIfzu2x
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdj5jKxs7FV
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKOQPaE0uT
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvMTS94J8Z
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGSOJCREYQ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFA5CaAvBC
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCTKGb2mCy
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSyWrKgp4c
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5v21vhd59Y
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dgMVJw2dw
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpLYAZHJZJ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFRjztWWF5
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPBOojipGt
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7rNT6hsNB
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbMxqeXV65
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1ZHN9MT7h
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4UfBJTudC
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNPRNd8rNV
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKiyJzJmh9
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpkXWHhjzs
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wfHCmIFxx
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sM1izogQg
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmVysLzJOq
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EGLvo0hW4
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLdfoevC7p
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcic9w0BthL
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaOkemlZ6f
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhauOCs8a3
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KgnRotEsM
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcoaTJrdD3
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKd9nIa1VF
最後一記，最強烈
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhXm8H4DET
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmluVgtC5g
「⋯哈啊⋯」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaDauwqijW
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVNHPcIT3b
鬆口，直至其手到胸口438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCTCDH5JTu
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxHH4Mg1zM
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyQyyQTYP7
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1atmpXNQ9e
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oaU3AeIv7
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1nWWZoM8x
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1e2odmk2D
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6OHwSBI4R
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5Yzr5XaHS
「⋯啊？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbLHknPquZ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREPgwEYXur
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrg5yrTfzs
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDxIHG5RD9
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdfA2IQPej
「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhR4BlmJdPA
「等、等等」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1NmqJxreC
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfex4szpSdJ
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA0Zj2o5WC
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV3wRhqg2i
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFH4WA4AuRQ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmA1UpOvLE
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyZ6EUsB55
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3Q6u5iMyW
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDK665zI5a
完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAAnaR1eVE
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Xr0Wp8qwB
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl05dKByJBf
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrCFSbe12D
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlvhloTKzu
好痛
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hQsuLSIJt
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfROS0c5RsS
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmNNT9D7Ow
但會有人在意嗎？
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ1Q3rNNMg
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjEIutHg7L
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzFWzhdSux
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eU4vXRIFk
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3jxJvhqnb
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VHfYaCzI5
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJTSWxtZyY
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZABBRpFVF
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7k01C3pvk
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwnmknr8wC
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswZfKjfryL
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38AyoxBDzX
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULiLXEM3mw
永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrccUj1Mia
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkH0tHvVDrC
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeb0yy0GH3
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRWX2HlgcO
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAoLVTIKff
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4N7iANEb76
每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6PzaxcVrH
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjQlQHPf7M
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AGUv2yxtK
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwz9JXvKxW
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwibv0MiGmS
比較下，條件不由自己定
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3umHqFupQ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L1CFwDJAw
我沒有選擇權438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wQuoWSuUo
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71s7xlkMAH
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmH4n5r7qP
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGblgvbfpET
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQcq97CP0M
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjy0olWFx4
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJC1Jwt8el
明白嗎？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBQ9uGILdG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpE22qU2nD
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfx6xVrk7G
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2vdSz5lWv
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRmzoiCuNB
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HKpR7wY9g
若世界更溫柔的話——
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKh1UFaonl
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfM3RG1sKts
不可能438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLDS5da3f2
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHDZVerZO9
故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm87phBaNM0
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TRxE6vha5
什麼也沒有438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Cfn8W0Xed
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ6E3cDBk5
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdLSazjWUm
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwuxkZOTpN
在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3Kc5yXDg0
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfWg1vSS78
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllTdY1TH7d
當然438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVdkJuXUhM
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qniUJ5C9L
絕對
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPNQH8L6Y1
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhxr2bE6bd
不想438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsNj2Jf7JH
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYiHkPK97Z
但始終，真的太辛苦了438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZHHicIW3D
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4khernzlS
⋯⋯438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhWCWSVDlA
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NNyGPYopt
思考真的太辛苦了438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRig8zzCNO
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTg79j47AZ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtXIr0ixa6
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiBeuiGg3n
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oH4WtT0IU
「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XUu7D9pQH
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHJDFeP4lb
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oaw4YZdF2
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQYhyjeqNA
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZbsky0Rri
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlG5QZGnUr7
「⋯⋯對不起」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsIWN4jR8r
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63Cpn0bxhM
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbin6at72r9
「嗯⋯」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4qxteeqll
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoFIh1Ohxz
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXh25bMny1
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9fSBB9JAp
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHEZJyquKz
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCpcK9FQbG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbCTb7hmRB
「忠誠致赤雨之日」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXj4hHoE6t
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymSSjQFE39
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOoGHPEHxt
女孩說道
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3KrpqbObP
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9IptYwiwj
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0No5jJB9IQ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3QFOptxnn
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofrJ3mn8zy
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnAxH6wYAE
是女孩的指示438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSO1DnRniZm
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVOUq4rzzH
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkz4nPyvYHB
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAd0PeLXTIW
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpf3aAKLu3R
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzWMpBXPxG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrt0GgZDYes
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhwidhdw77
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFTIzASWuz
直至最後能看見的——438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJbFQyKaW4
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwsCanYXVM
也不存在
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Q7o63CAMG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Iu48aNALb
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qw4Acw2I2
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNh2gYDNlUx
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXFSSW1ssp
但無法辨認438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4Wwbg4fSr
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTRU9FXJxS
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GbPBKEggE
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbbNNQjnQx
黑暗將自己包圍438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYbYO9QgSq
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76d28N7aNz
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSnPnVTyFc
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjpEv2n8ku
不知多久了438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumyW8FB5dc
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvqXSbhAXk
在那時開始438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZy2XfPS3gU
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JBD2K71xJ
那裏438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0gvhUoVxj
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFKaf2Zxpx
但有些事情〇〇
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkwKDYqLRc
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDBbh8QMqm
〇〇〇438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNslPoyc2v
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtQVJlAsMz
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnRwldH2Ve
〇〇〇〇〇〇438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UsRtNV0ga
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxc9wwDLiN
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4O4FGMYgg
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspuhNld5Ky
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuacF9d8wI
現在不是你的回合438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulM8KcOUTk
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAXUKR5Vvs
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMmPsPwTzw
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