Saturday 12:34pm
As I’m numbly flipping through my notes for science my phone lights up and begins to buzz uncontrollably. Curious, i pick it up and see 5 new text notifications from my friend, Sarah.
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Sassy Sarah
- Hey Skyyy! How are you doing? Wanna hang this weekend?
- ???
- Hello?
- Sky?
- Pick up!
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I sigh and close my eyes, pushing back the tears that were welling in them, threatening to reveal themselves. I stare at the phone so blankly i would guess it would be hard to tell Im even conciouse. Time starts to slow as I takes one last deep breath to calm my head and stop the tears, as they violently fight against me.
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Sky Scraper
- Hey Sarahhhh I’m doing great! I’d love to hang out soon just tell me the time and place!
- Haha
- How have you been?
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Another deep breath as the text bubbles form and disappear. They do this 4 more times before a text pops up.
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Sassy Sarah
- Actually I’ve been feeling a little down this week. After my mom was officially moved to the cancer wing in the hospital my dads been a wreck and it’s just really hard i just idk what to do
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I stare at the phone already knowing my part in this. Be the best friend you can. I tell myself. Be supportive. If you care about her, help her.
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Sky Scraper is typing...
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After i hit send i imidiatly regret it.
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Sky Scraper
- I’m so sorry ouviously I don’t know what your going through but I’m always here for you <3
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My heart begins to pound and my head starts to spin. Sarah trusted me with this information. She chose me to tell, but I let her down, I let them all down. I don’t know how to be a good friend, I just ruined everything. How could anyone like me, I’m a failure. The tears. The tears are back, and this time they come so fast I have no time to stop them before they come rolling off my cheeks and flooding the ground. I try so hard to muffle my cries as they echo through the night. My window is open a crack and I feel a breeze blow harshly on my cheeks whipping them for crying, punishing them for letting there guard down.
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Sassy Sarah is typing...
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When I see it I cry. I put my hands to my face and sob, barely leaving time to take my stupid, shaky, anxious breaths.
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Sassy Sarah
- Aw thanks
- Your the best
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There it is. She said thanks and stopped the conversation, she regrets ever opening up to me, she hates me, she’s gonna leave me for someone else now, she doesn’t trust me anymore. As more tears roll in my head swells with questions, doubts and mainly, regret. She had asked to hang out and didn’t bring it up again after I said that. She stopped the conversation. I can’t believe myself. My head fogs up and my phone slips around in my sweaty hands. What is wrong with me? She said “thanks”, that’s a nice thing! I shouldn’t be acting this way, this was a mistake, I’m a mistake.
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I let one more heavy sob out before putting the bright screen up to my blurry eyes and typing.
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Sky Scraper
- No problem!
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As I hit send one last time I let it all out, crying harder than I had all night. “This wouldn’t be a repeat of last night” I told myself, but here I was, sobbing, crying, letting it all out. Again. I bang my hand on my head, angry for failing, angry for messing up. I hate myself I cry hate. I feel the blood rush to my head and an overwhelming sense of dizziness washes over me, engulfing me in its presence. I stare at myself in the mirror, struggling for air, my face is bright red with tears streaming down it like a waterfall that doesn’t ever stop. As I bring my sweaty, wet hands to my face I feel my phone slip to the ground and land with a thud, I can barely hear over my loud wailing cries, echoing through the night.
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