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Three Years Later…
Keegan
It’s been three years since Blue was taken away from me. Three agonizingly long years. But it’s almost over now.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEY3eaaPRF
It could have been a lot longer. Blue was originally sentenced to eight years in prison. Eight years. Just thinking about that now makes my stomach drop.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7Cn9k7GVU
I cried out when the sentence was read in the courtroom. Like a fool, I screamed at the panel that convicted him. I screamed at the judge. I couldn’t control myself. The sentence seemed so unfair, so pointless.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWAwIRRF5f
Naturally, I was thrown out by the bailiff. So I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Blue before he was taken away.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUxX0vSPIg
Devastated, I went home to my room at the ranch. I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way for the next week.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjfhUTH5PW
I didn’t bathe; I barely ate. I just wanted to sleep all the time, to dream that Blue was right next to me, tangled up with me.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOi2zaC362u
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I was mad at the Army, mad at the world, mad at God.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZjHPIThV8
Most of all, I was so goddamn angry at myself. If I hadn’t written everything down in my journal, none of this would’ve happened.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrim3Z97YDv
I didn’t see any way to go on. Not without Blue. Not for eight years, without Blue.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcujUcYdZcS
When I finally emerged from my self-pitying coccoon and started acting somewhat sane, Virginia gave me the letter from Blue.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSrIq0dito
He’d intended for me to have it right away. But Holmlund was worried how it would affect me. So he gave the letter to my grandmother and asked her to give it to me when she thought the time was right.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxwMWsCoHr
I was pissed that she held it for so long. More than pissed. I was fucking furious at both her and Holmlund. How dare they make that decision?172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFrjUrbxjX
I screamed at my grandmother. I told her she had no right to withhold the letter from me. I stormed out of the house and into the barn, saddled Okie and took off at a gallop with the letter still unopened in my jeans pocket.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQdb090pP4
I didn’t read it until I reached the cabin. I went up to the loft, to the bed where I’d spent so many nights with Blue, ripped open the letter, and read it through, slowly, three times.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeubXQoWpJa
Then I cried for what felt like forever.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWVOSjIoJx
But after that, I got angry at Blue. I mean, I understood what he was trying to do. He was thinking of me, of what he thought was best for me.
But did he really think I would just walk away and forget I ever knew him? Did he really think I could do that?172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhj6IXathx
By the time I headed back toward the house, it was dusk. I took it slow, giving Okie his lead, moving at a gentle pace through the dark. I cried a little more, thinking about my romantic ride through the darkness with Blue several months ago. It seemed like another lifetime, when we did that.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMOrzi236h
But I also started thinking about something Holmlund told me earlier when he called to check on me and Virginia literally had to force the phone into my hand.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXboIK2bDa
“Keegan,” Holmlund said, “do you remember I told you the day the verdict was read that it wasn’t the end, that I still had some tricks up my sleeve?172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dJlA3iklr
I didn’t answer: I just stood there silently, sulking like a baby. But I was listening.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfW2taUins
Holmlund went on, telling me about the Army Clemency and Parole Board.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjqXmD1l2V
“After nine months, Blue can request clemency from the board. That means his sentence could be set aside completely or at least reduced, if we can convince the board that he deserves it.”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFw6O0lCX0v
And that lit a little flame of hope inside me. Clemency. If anybody deserves clemency, it is Blue Daniels.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYqjTtNO98
First though, we had to get through the initial nine months.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJwJrPhwl7
It took two months before I was allowed to visit Blue at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. That’s because at first, he wouldn’t sign the permission form to have me cleared to come to the prison.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhSCILpDwK
He wouldn’t even make the collect call to the ranch that he was allowed once a week. He called his mother, but not me.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBbWSiAUHy
He was applying tough love, I guess. He wanted me to do what he’d asked me to do in the letter. He wanted me to walk away.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJ6Iv7ILYZ
But I was not going anywhere. And I was going to make Blue talk to me.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUByvzXgJJ
So I drove to Tulsa, to his mom’s house. A sympathetic Maria had told me when he was supposed to call her, and when he did, she answered and then handed the phone to me, walking away to give us some privacy.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCUF7KhKLN
I just stood there for a minute, holding the phone, debating what to say.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMK4HS8fKE8
“Hello?” I heard Blue say. “Mama?”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRF1PUIbR6
Then I exploded. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9O8xiO8RR
Silence on the other end. And then, finally, his voice, weak and uncertain. “Keegan?”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdGjNfT4tY
“Answer my question!” I snapped. “What is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing, cutting me out like this? Do you know what it’s doing to me, Blue? Do you?”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVE1UNnNM2f
He didn’t answer, so I barreled on.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOozQtMT37o
“How dare you send me a letter like that and then just expect me to walk away. Like I could even do that. What the hell were you thinking, huh? And, then, then, you pull this crap of not letting me come see you, not calling me?”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ099lqr60K7
He was still not responding, and I was working myself into a frenzy.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKN12VslWt
“You’re just a . . . a stubborn jackass! I’m not going anywhere, do you understand me? You are stuck with me. If I have to drive up to that prison and stand outside all day, every day, ‘til you sign that form, I’ll do it. You are not getting rid of me that easy. So don’t even think I’m walking away from you!”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnNnn7DAev
Still, there was silence. I began to wonder if he’d hung up. But listening closer, I could hear his shallow breathing. The kind of breaths you take when you’re crying.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInwVwddURy
“For God’s sake, Blue, say something!”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ48vSXY8bj
There was another long pause. “Eight years is too long, Keegan,” he finally said, sighing, his voice small and miserable. “It’s just too long. I can’t let you wait around for me, don’t you get that? I can’t do it.”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAFheIFViS
“You have no choice. Do you get that, Blue? You. Have. No. Choice.”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEyiD4PrPX
My body couldn’t decide at that moment whether to start screaming again or break down crying.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgazWEpvVf
“I’m waiting.” Now I'm half shouting and half crying. “And you are not shutting me out!"172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUzthZDIX7
I let my words hang there a moment. Then I went on a tad more calmly.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6AplXwxta
"Besides, it won’t be eight years. Don’t you remember the clemency board Holmlund talked about? We already have a plan on that. So don’t think you’re getting rid of me. I told you, I will come up to that prison and stand outside of it every fucking day until you let me in. And I mean it!”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rv0CNliPf
He did eventually sign the form, and Maria and I started taking turns driving up to see Blue. And he started calling me at the ranch as often as he could.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUb2XTYZ8I
It wasn’t nearly enough. But it was better than nothing.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1yxBE0wov
And that’s where Blue's music started to help. It was out there, being consumed, being shared, moving hearts and minds. Frasier Bryson was doing everything in his power to tell Blue's story, to advocate for him.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerbR2WLGg9
At the same time, Virginia was pulling political strings, calling in favors.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw72VJXwyv9
All of us—me, Holmlund, Virginia, Maria, Bryson —threw ourselves into the effort to get clemency for Blue.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhapTXJ2G1Q
His conviction generated headlines around the world, and we did everything possible to keep his name and face and cause in the public eye for those nine long months before he could apply.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vQ5VvBAx7
And public opinion started to change. You could feel it.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXX2S2YsxB
I mean, there were still plenty of haters out there. I tried to avoid seeing the venom online. We still had to be careful with our own security.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tqSfVUeiN
But by the time Holmlund filed an appeal with the clemency board, public sympathy for Blue seemed at an all-time high.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqoSX8oQ52
And when the board met, Cunny’s mom miraculously showed up to speak on Blue’s behalf, saying she believed clemency was what her son would want.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDUQUMFbwC
Blue broke down and sobbed as she spoke. So did I.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOobtWNfEy0
Even with all that, though, it took almost a year. The board dithered and delayed its decision. Holmlund said there must have been some strong opposition to granting Blue clemency.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGyoyLKMYn
But finally—finally—we got word he would be released just after his three-year incarceration date.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDsAXrEufQ
And now, I’m on the highway, almost to the Leavenworth exit. I’m going to pick him up, bring him home to the ranch.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgubFxtWN5A
Maria was kind enough to let me come by myself, to give us a little time alone together. She’s waiting at the ranch for him, along with Bryson.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBw0awwXfgq
They’re a couple now. I guess when they met, they made an instant connection. Kind of like me and Blue.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNg3B4TGKI
They were scared to tell Blue about it at first. They didn’t know how he’d react. But he’s been okay with it. In fact, I think he’s thrilled.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWprE5GK2ON
“Who would have thought?” he laughed in our last phone call. “Bryson and my mom.”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3qHeIKhRb
I’m beyond excited to get Blue out of prison. My body and my soul have ached for him every day, every second, that’s he been away. I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about what he’s gone through at Leavenworth.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfds9W1lro9
I can’t wait for him to touch me, hold me, make love to me. I want him to be rough and tender and crazed with passion and wild with adoration, all at the same time.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduHq6wgVy9
But I’m also nervous about our reunion. About how it will be between us. Three years is a long time, and inevitably, we’ve both changed.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG7SHYd4qI
Blue’s sadder, more introspective. I can see it in his eyes when I visit, hear it in his words.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAOHJHWd9e
He’s been a model prisoner, teaching music classes to inmates, writing more songs. He’s a better, stronger person now, I think.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0rtdVmoWQ
I’ve changed, too. At least I hope I have. The last three years have helped me grow up.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXADEpmDy2
I’ve spent a lot of my time with my grandmother, helping care for her. That nagging cough that’s dogged her was diagnosed as lung cancer not long after Blue’s conviction.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVwvaapxgg
Just when it felt like we were getting closer, building the kind of relationship we should have had all along, I may be about to lose her.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmgQAySmWT
I don’t know how much longer she has. The doctors say probably not more than a year. But they don’t understand what a tough old bird Virginia Cooke is. She may surprise us all.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBHXNW5ME0
She’s still prickly, still regularly gets under my skin. But I understand her a lot better now.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCan8SwJznN
I’m about to finish my degree at OU. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to Ikana, assuming they’d have let me come back. It just wouldn’t be the same.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbDmr9Y8rS
And I’ve applied for law school. Not because my grandmother wanted it, but because, after what we’ve experienced, I’m a lot more interested in becoming a lawyer than I ever thought I’d be.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo9ZoJ3l8s
I might still go into journalism. But I like the idea of having a law degree as well.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqL6SL0UUYm
In a surprising turn of events, my brother is now a student at Ikana. Buick is apparently breaking hearts all over campus.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnO1DuAgMB
But that’s another story.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBN7fS5jak
I see the Leavenworth sign up ahead and turn on my signal.172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxJjPXv8li
“I’m almost there, Blue,” I say. “I’m almost there.”172Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmXOKCYeyW
~~~
Only two chapters left in this story! The final version of Tangled Up in Blue will soon be available in ebook and paperback. Sign up for my newsletter, and you'll be the first to know when it's ready!
Interested in Keegan’s sexy brother Buick? He's got a searing story of his own that will start soon here on Penana! Be sure to follow me so you don't miss You Belong to Me. 😊
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