午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzciAqMUJO
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvXULBoFmf
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouO0XjjgAE
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBryMUuWMH
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eyD46kzuw
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡof1ERKhZlJ
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75zCqn5DRa
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnkXKWjzRl
為何記住？我解釋不了。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFuwuhTryo
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiToZFVqsqW
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlX1eBPGDSp
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCDeVACemm
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopl6CgUuU9
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYs6ruENKUK
其中一個是他。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8vh2AAJXl
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhwrFjtLHm
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYyHEKPgZ2
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMuYvzOgwX
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOLlZaR3gX
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNw9ZSAHxa
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJvopgDbUV
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOYZs9o7ed
「你遺下銀包。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZaEy5H4K6
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82q9VWNQBI
「謝謝。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65Dmba0AMn
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvpT3M8Vnn
「不用客氣……」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg984o1Ca4l
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlANT10Ua21
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5xdDhj0GD
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9cAbFpSIJ
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHfWs5UrVP
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPI01MAVZN
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqZT956XvC
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEsAqVwBFF
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8arFXcetW9
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKM08pV48d
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyE78sZZavd
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cPFxiAT84
「我是文班許家偉。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nGAu5iRq9
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgz7L8pjmsk
「我是理班李浩榮。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxYiz0QGsy
其實我早已知道許家偉。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3oGuJh7bx
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7Ox30RElz
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlb0N6Z8brv
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXe4JqkY38
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbroKlhbhdp
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRIW1Tgv1W
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMUNYDGevx
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzXN1cVV1b
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtT3Zj7ma0
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzO2z103s3
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljJCuK3Ixn
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9M7ChQgGm
不服氣。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdA9ZBSlHPW
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBw3nY4lOwH
繼續觀察他。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRbJbL65yE
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9bocTeF6I
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpObfDuezL
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGluSnTEUF
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SGybNI9Ba
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j7XD7dESw
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWkZpg3acz
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIVoRl7E76
我急步追趕許家偉。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbLsaiid3A
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UyTMHC5Z8
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahWzp1fcoK
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXMmPvufMj
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3F512Iiwwi
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGwzI4qnyj
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZqZmrPySa
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJTNEfgjpl
「你遺下了銀包。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQItemOtO7
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5QuMLEJCN
「謝謝。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4ZVYj0B1N
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQBlMov3DW
「不用客氣……」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BwZxkmM7B
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uh6gPHwlr
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBagLQ0R4lm
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEbwktVZ8T
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWS0rjQfpQ9
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iaG5wfDPK
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WkH4hczGv
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn53Yi3LYOJ
我望入他雙眼。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmG8HJrMCk
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb9bTpf1yB
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGo9p0oELyZ
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgsRcS4aV9
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxB6zxwbF4S
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8tFuXJWOT
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7ZdvNKXg7
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpj7mt45cLk
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRIUDtFWdj
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQbcPsX9xA
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4hAQHnhp8
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX45fuONx9E
「我是文班許家偉。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kAL3Nc4Hl
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukziNTAjsK
「我是理班李浩榮。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrD0O4mOK2
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKp6Wame0r
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0rIVlRAmz
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgkyYgbCBO
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhCssVejiU
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcih9siuc7W
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasmGcM8IMX
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyugLU1m8fi
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lEOnSBw4o
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8sTyO2rmA
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMTc6XCIeK
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vmndUsGxe
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjilh0C5cQ
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG22ky7AKou
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70xwqHJ0rD
但我沒有阻止他。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQhxyFmtJR
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEfdKCNig3
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7Qyte9rWc
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jBuSdxjMS
我慫恿他繼續說下去。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZtJWIs5cA
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnQBBZ5yV0
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBpSN9m1Aw
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklzdZTwSIM
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DFTNQkd66
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERoqY1fpUk
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkvB1gewi5
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjP5gby59f
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78pcAkuFnC
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWistV89PAA
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z0g9YxQL4
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwSIsJL4CM
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9IKH0rpcF
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74TvDQvkCO
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8I1VYKMbNm
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG11CccCVwV
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEMb5Fo7Vy
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHn0AzY8Frj
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcgt83lBF1
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3NBwajlum
但我掛念他。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2B5Fg9yZnY
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaCum1whzd
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ867iH48i5y
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFx9wke3OTN
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kEZ6Q7mOA
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6YP5tCyQS
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuYia0Jc4g
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4OIDLWSAr
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52kl3WxczV
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4zNdcIMig
不要說。不要聽。不要見。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZUCaEPu8J
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6WvrT9byy
希望時間會沖淡一切。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5byRGh3wT
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKIe8VJBA0
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nLvGH4vXW
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1sl2oyvN4
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5WDm1BlKl
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwS7naBUQwV
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWwmBTx1Cs
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68fQ9JOOIc
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHIJrUnYv5
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa23vZz9tjA
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYt3jHUzQc
「我也不明白。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWN4TKv3owt
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4GiE49WbM
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKihXic7ZE
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzpco3UOiU
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimw65rWyFE
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡco2ZCM5KXE
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4v6sbtWU9
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nff1QOgs3
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldkZHJhl5N
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHr1XFGPWs7
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcstrXLCJe7
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdBGGb5GAa
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviu1vYoLtj
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxmIUs8yN0
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnYA6RvyWz
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvFJkQsDSh
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIben3DtqU6
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqp7K8SJyMN
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgFyDdh60c
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaW79O9aO1
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZhCJwOOpJ
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVDw0fbu06
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7QqpcTtgZ
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我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81xWUx1S4w
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrltRSGo7DO
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為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTHVqbuWMa
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmHliIJoaO
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHPgSzGw1z
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgGDTVm7Mh
為何要走到這一步？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNgUapvOMq
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvlc4clWyW
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAFCBh8Dqc
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RwlnSzfGg
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfRtUfgEO2
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAE2d3ms8z
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBn6qIDlcP
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nzCz57jVy
「別倔強。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjUNZUFiu9
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1dldvNLSr
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9Mnh98hBm
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxPEGEXAUD
「我想你放棄。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIN2X8iBox
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「原因？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXcdLJPUKo
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiIMYOIRrS
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOv8tk3psJZ
「我知道。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1cPq3kYyx
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeORJWIrr9
「何解還要繼續下去？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBoRATSCZf
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4oImwIXSu
「感情易放難收。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEi1d7JvLz
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTy1r6QmLVi
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusRAsWoZcY
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0CiL4bpF2
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUmt73EgMy
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架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJupXtrkx5
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJOhF5Hqzs
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOHuPwxYDj
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yyiePbJxs
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YovZrq44G
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSy7cvk3NA
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdi6URVV3Y
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcFdxpaHWY
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcUNKQnHqh
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7AL805uzg
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCv8aiu4faA
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXL9Lh50Ph4
小醉。半醉。大醉。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOvGcTumZA
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawFHkYZuCL
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWVPVYY4Wx
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPSNjqqQap
「直接講我愛他。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxmj412SLM
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTxFoaOOhg
「如果他拒絕？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboEkwF3WT2
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlWe4wcoxp
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkFZ3LJFZo
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrmrVjTqaQ
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQperDxHu3L
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpQwSeJg6e
「我當然是高興！」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLbkuB5Bhs
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxw5ep0Tby
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1hT9r9D11
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66Bbcr4JWv
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZgZqd5c2I
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbLzglukoe
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2d4lCfP9T
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡampuHozcLC
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUtKrvmFac
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKKSZp8xZc
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV72n25W4G
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNDLd1LeIn
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduRnkMv4UO
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXp5Dm6CZI
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1b6B0mT8vT
「你仍然單身？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Bo0JLCd6l
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRvd8e7W3d
「是的。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhz54JzIsCL
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvqtSfMMVN
「要我當媒嗎？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYyhbQiwE7
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLqxpvghdl
「不了。難為情。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCK3bVHdKBA
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KR1Eul56f
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiyW8566aG
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S0UorlMwk
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2d2X52Fliu
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP32sLMdQsU
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPElNCDEoBn
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuakPb4Qid
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqJrpvqqiI
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回家吧。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GZ4bLPk90
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pfdAXjqJD
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtPNQXeqdq
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkBc8r8XlF
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSwxC1wVtO
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwiOVlbW6A
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEJJ1HRSSh
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPxuC8Szw1
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大概是一見鍾情吧。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewuHnePaFr
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ669VghSTQz
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjUSNFdsSi
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6847hVDsl
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5hto6lo1E
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmBPVGL3Cz
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0itKesPey
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGs4SFhPiwx
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTmV76EOih
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQamFMzS9ml
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlOZ4J0Ahc
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百感交集……285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJVKdzOLpQ
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JTRmX1wAj
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSCGcAs7WG
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Oa2F8xoEK
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQLpb50lO9
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8eCB98j42
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpBKrav1ls
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRTtzWAjPv
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcMMNHGC65
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdQB7rdHt0
「認得。你是文班的。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4C8w3GBgp
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWhO41gLlA
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3Az4yhiRU
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閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16CdayYhrD
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aMrKdBjEz
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpGKkWWMrJ
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DkPHzZ1W1
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsve1mifmNB
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuLsCJCYVG
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaGlMbL2mj
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJ4F2Te0Iq
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aBiBRkwnr
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFVZIz3R91
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZII9H6PO0b
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8dJde2IGn
我哭笑不得。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrxZVtVuqN
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1QWCLHegf
無意跟他繼續對話。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jTjoFDYlq
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvcILn5hmB
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt58rJO6m2
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHPFrIguxv
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7GHusOH54
