午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00yhkaTkFB
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEuCXpjCZN
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYE3GXosVKE
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadxYTYTtPy
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnESCG65Sdu
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPNkkWadqG
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbkibiV1c3
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eRPba7tLI
為何記住？我解釋不了。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJUm1qwooo
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3jCS2jb4t
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXk654jy0v
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrV7HaKkIh
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs1d3kf2Ey
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgItgaxeeW
其中一個是他。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WMENRZOeq
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2Flv7FKz4
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDy8fvA2b5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jFaCkEQal
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0v0mXI1Fb
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeMHZthKET
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQd10YgvRz
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJQwzAisZ8
「你遺下銀包。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGWTkbeE4C
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrwMqXniuq
「謝謝。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWe0LIVDFy5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImJuxvsmgc
「不用客氣……」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdF5Hfk5Vuf
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZvqd8eryD
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudfUvfSrx0
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlj9ZgXLADH
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrh1nyn3vjI
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQgExuwojT
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHhZsbENeG
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElhgnQnBHL
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BDLAEf3kd
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ejln1oQCU
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5gaUZRfEn
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡup4tsGBwvI
「我是文班許家偉。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nFt635g2M
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmelSl8VsJ
「我是理班李浩榮。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4HmKvolIS
其實我早已知道許家偉。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JztQKMv4b
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6N2TCfqIGg
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUjWHRwaUn
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cwXoQX6fP
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VU4212ddW
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXLY2g0jdW
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5b1bTZ0FlG
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8h2OrzRWX
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfQL0L7K4y
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgP9EF8V47
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzCoz5aTWx
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZXIHAcs4u
不服氣。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTbBtaFRIk
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tNmLhdmN4
繼續觀察他。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzRXE4pMiR
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsFBNmonug
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kTNoBjg7u
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDOCcAqNMA
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYedezGQ8C
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBQ1vnwbLz
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdS1MsJORxX
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9Samq9LqS
我急步追趕許家偉。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBKggDcC3k
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qHDwzkZQN
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKguINvgah
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqYC7UghY7
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvA8qDr6nb
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj0Q78Vvcy
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvL3h20sCRh
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn8bahpPHL
「你遺下了銀包。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGkpLUiBDt
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeD8N8D0Hh
「謝謝。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQewWyffIoX
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJtwN0ASkC
「不用客氣……」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd50AYddA7G
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85X85n8kTs
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UncDlbPHH
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfITIilQzzW
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0dJi9tgjP
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNox5OwbS6L
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPow5aUJSKY
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoC2LM48sv
我望入他雙眼。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgkSq6zDnN
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxo8ap7EY4
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViMViACqwa
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFH3sbW5rK
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkojdNMG7y
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydbW5MesB1
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknrOkQgQlo
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhFliWfSRT
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPisXlXDTe
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkWfvgyPGt
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKukc5IJUG
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBrIcTmQe7
「我是文班許家偉。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUmV981aMs
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwVSDbVZ9z
「我是理班李浩榮。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFP0IHsKUlt
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hIRMYeMti
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UTojqyLl1
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSBJ8QxnTW
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdh34VYewe2
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoQj5kQ2L0
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz81LeQFc8e
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbC16VQAkEB
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNr7TYyldtW
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2dnmQyiii
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2JtBuy73X
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcF2QzdEh6
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBYwrZ5Zek
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41vdS5XwuR
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhE9LVjlEo
但我沒有阻止他。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2o7p4t0QC
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvWp0x5Iqf
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5rSeea5ie
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPf8KoPtPN
我慫恿他繼續說下去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFdchfy2bj
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRo6RDYIxK
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJJ1UDQpaG
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3a03SE9c6
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQOV3KpVUZ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnZj5JwCVM
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNdvYDruUK
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5ifVchjh6
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpZKK7Ei71
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxqTIohFvR
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNzIYoL7ra
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXU1zfSX1Z
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpDgDCwv2J
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKcsXWZsy0
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvLW2n6nAG
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchShsJiIsE
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjVKZTaKqP
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHNSzRAgus
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9JKKbO4lu
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA340j0IiMr
但我掛念他。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1ngbVuw8h
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjyktCXrwQ
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJmo6Ap5gf
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVckpElFCuX
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUngKzksUCY
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKj9NALfSKm
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQA8xBmtrJ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZIheQKVwN
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcBwg8wGBB
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGONyOta8fe
不要說。不要聽。不要見。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelsT2byom6
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAqOepI2u3
希望時間會沖淡一切。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LJoBuPIY1
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO6CqxA8eZ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlIce5pjf0
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmMAWIxBf7
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3AV5B7xBM
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRlmtFTrhY
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo54Cu8hii
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1sBpoBKRR
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyphefdMUKV
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Iq7kVA0MC
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3QXnJXVHa
「我也不明白。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTMYCZZOa2
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0f9rLkgECD
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdvMRoIAHy
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtSkbpfKpp
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WhVxnP4ns
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8F9X1KFTV
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV5N8THzbq
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhKd51yMch
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPqvDSYekn
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqfWTZ1Lp9
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKjYkqztVO
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJAym9ZRNo
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxkSSu7Jdp
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuc0psVuhm
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUrn2Ia61d
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDdRtudhop
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2dNQhgO3G
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeYlqqkpzD
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYie3LbAxXk
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMbmaNuTSB
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvxzVdf4TL
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mUuRn6U0y
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kPZ133oas
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRP1YapS2n
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDw4llE3Vf
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3ZhEqdWJI
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjqUW8RMUN
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WVt7kY0R3
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNbV9gmCpr
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UFT248FP2
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1LOIJBw5e
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmACRYKjdV
為何要走到這一步？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfKpYeYnx0
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FPTPHwNC1
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMgdo800yb
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrTOHtxf91
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡielg0WwZah
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcYnSfAuMz
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfT5CHV2vE
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgw80x8T25y
「別倔強。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uY62e5BRf
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMMjWpsPRS
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0l2SCuhCD5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeovpiJS3s
「我想你放棄。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WftkGDXSe
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUKBLbvDgL
「原因？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNL3ACEY5QR
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8jrDhcGe0
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIubEo1tEa
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqw2K6VYyB
「我知道。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJ3yZjpfFY
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIFs1Jngvo
「何解還要繼續下去？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpT3Yrb2zEn
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gpu61zh3q
「感情易放難收。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNSYb7b9CF
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVNz2KK3XR
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwEVj1SpwU
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRG2PMY0N4
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQDUT5ZrRx
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FXxXh9b4k
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQIdRi3kxK
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDC9MFPB1ss
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq5uEZ0vhI
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmwYVqmgZc
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrQwbQL0hz
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplFC5yb5RD
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiObO7FQ5F
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4fmA7zfTl
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Cw5V9hKX5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0rgU1SfxD
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PfiHdmixo
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFVX8f3hik
小醉。半醉。大醉。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT12G5mbSWT
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZwKrjkMxs
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzj9w3v3P4
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg7lbgJAnB
「直接講我愛他。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XLiMPuWOk
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtniZlSg5V1
「如果他拒絕？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOoGrLOoqh
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPbCu5lU8P
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxIRlaaQzv
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjFpZap44u
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUT8dQjcz1
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacEQ6q7N6S
「我當然是高興！」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaDSsR67kJ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzW7UPILtzQ
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0L3wKpOAYF
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2K3mHUojh
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DH5TIa54B
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5Y56weEeb
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EmJbcFZMV
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNJgOIvgyE
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNBGGlJ5x4
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTV2pLNQAp6
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbn5EgLgoz
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9h1TelYwS
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalkR4Mu6dH
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgE1BnQwYB
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNijMRRDE1Y
「你仍然單身？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7xDARz4BN
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4V5DIYdrk
「是的。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HlltdVEIN
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2Pb9vhaPB
「要我當媒嗎？」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dExz1ue2q
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJGPwVibg5
「不了。難為情。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhizDlQIKC6
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePbsxR9QV5
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgleJaOIxGa
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwIfcNteFK
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBITJcgWK9
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMdMi1oMDB
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGwkg2Igt0
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOquNUbq9YA
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGWb8xTQ37
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwDbAPD3ZK
回家吧。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡET2VNTkGxJ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTpFx3Ns2m
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydEp7QGF7T
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASkilx6jD6
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLV914nRmY
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUBOFZt57D
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsrkOn9bz5
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYSIgu7D30
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Xcsh3sOTs
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pMTm4EOuF
大概是一見鍾情吧。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkLo31LMeZ
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFJZIUb9rl
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXwXzVgJji
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmtryUeepc
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTczEkuM2xT
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvhSevUcio
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZ1LwhlIlT
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQoaCmNA7s
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEz1uDu5RzT
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZt8akxr15G
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfU9Ygyw2Cu
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3dCP0Nh2L
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRjfv0SZJS
百感交集……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHN9rfjaXe9
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCOqVcQ64U
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLD6X4Z4asx
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1czRKLQHqj
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwk2s6W9qte
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VndwfFTZ7
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZycZbdt7mg
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxK2R2Eg6dg
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnYL7kZ4sv
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHt9kgplWs
「認得。你是文班的。」268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFwtav265M
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigrSdEVMEy
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8h4zRLx4hE
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QYJLo7fHW
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCbNgQVhOL
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5hcyURw1f
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTLNr6ioRt
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVypFOpOgN
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYijy3uP5u
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImmpzlbQUg
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXenOoXm1dj
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPMZLbdS2F
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YvoARcZru
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2Ze6Ch3X2
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpiGFzy47G
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RlcGpLJvk
我哭笑不得。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nEypYAUA2
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX472N4XhPa
無意跟他繼續對話。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrnlzfC7ep
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6FHY4jcgM
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ285arC58Y
268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4AmGxo1yb
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。268Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOWky5M4QG
