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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXgxA8SfsB
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduAO1367Rv
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJe0rAuZOt
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81UMmd7smF
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOqL75cqN6
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLXncMWa9d
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXNCDTBxsY
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRQdRmiFir
為何記住？我解釋不了。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewQwJv47F0
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBDhkSyXHM
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7bq4KzUFU
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wF58cCb8j
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGG56a9dlY
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbg00dkBZEo
其中一個是他。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCwKBKobiI
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1SbJStnNG
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnQKuSu0Eq
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0QOlBwpKa
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBvWF1mfXe
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XeXpKyryI
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCNwkz6MWZ
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJDMO92Z2C
「你遺下銀包。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnec8VtYBi
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoCATY1a2d
「謝謝。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAj5y9wPrE
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKK70moq8Ee
「不用客氣……」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8p97f8GMM
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQDfldDSQj
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAskyu1pFV8
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YSN0GJTaG
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5ZsNu2GZZ
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugnexGCAEa
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wfMFWcxYa
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXPITueKhA
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3pXXSoCqI
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHKnLjVGb7
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhumnWH1Jpt
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDXIN3Hlyq
「我是文班許家偉。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4apzhBYfp6
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbodl6mnCQl
「我是理班李浩榮。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuHdpzibCe
其實我早已知道許家偉。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgezxx7R9fY
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaLf8BMGVa
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiLqmJQKMD
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEqyh2Up8F
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSrwJNIuZv
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhQObtT0QM
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9C1zQJl4FT
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosFqkM6XU2
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeOvZoZqGP
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEDiMS2FMT
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQ1ZblfwIz
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYOQbjRfrD
不服氣。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxq31OMShF
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk70clpqEiA
繼續觀察他。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GOO5l4oXr
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDl9Gmh7ss
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEw1xBhTce
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyn6sullcTz
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynqmldIAi3
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLv32gjy97
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnQIjIMQjl
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcwHmwINUt
我急步追趕許家偉。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKK0XiOj2n
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxT868seWHO
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hKPOsFMLe
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlncpYJgT0B
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaSPQFyyL6
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaXsz2d20A
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtBZMt1SoF
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxOqQ49EQ4
「你遺下了銀包。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkPiOekg8Q
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rb7xdAT5L
「謝謝。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0n64Zptq1H
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCbhYxbWYe
「不用客氣……」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgqULZytcy
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLrd8YA11Y
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvDczKFIkb
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcfEFyzk4D
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7FiyWuGEG
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mtLX131f6
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRj0udVTXw
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡak63UORPc1
我望入他雙眼。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsM7kmYukxR
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDv4HxhyaJ
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aUoEmZzqT
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡric2DuQVmE
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIl1C1DbHb
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GwTgeGHhd
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ719NbhkqPU
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6EkwzCFFY
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK6CUN4lib
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfy2PkTmhD
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfiiOAG473
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ek1uz7ITj
「我是文班許家偉。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTiKiGmhjW
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYmzhs7ImF
「我是理班李浩榮。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqc7z9jENbN
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68xSk1CWKV
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgQm3o4KFQ
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDRIuegAQk
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmr4maWhR0n
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8a0caHWbt
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyLSUvdK9h
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CMSLQlGP3
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJ0oil6M51
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjTKEJe06p
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDnJ4Yhawv
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFqaD1FqyV
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuijA1yCRKQ
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIReGrKLki
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDs7bS3Yj0
但我沒有阻止他。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bCHbXO5w2
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgLXtWrPJk
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSa9Dh1PoY
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySUPlggpM6
我慫恿他繼續說下去。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5SMHdbMSA
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFS9dWf17LJ
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiTuuPxf83
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Y1r7MTfZM
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2T8MV1ARNK
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstJpgWYN0z
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJST858E7N
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fRZEDtMKV
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3Zm1RbY0K
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMVTI6eQhK
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Gzxt2fO4S
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7kXRbvge2
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaL0c6u1tJ
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UUTkTNQAs
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8nlBmjeDZ
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdL1lVKM2Z
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdcRwIjjjU
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SKy5dtLH8
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xnIg2g7hl
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpt6JjFq93
但我掛念他。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoW2kpUWRu
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB62exHj54
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h51B114jL
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKzBpfu7Hj
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRrcM4V3Aq
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA59ChjTtMe
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wgzXQpdO6
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOyESNu1OW
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7JjLlVUu9
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9y9XNsxJH
不要說。不要聽。不要見。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqA9fra8oGg
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIycFyKyQ4
希望時間會沖淡一切。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa08o12tbnj
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegA8LIVKmG
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8iTG6wZGB
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0P2OzmXyf
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUSxIl0DMR
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIhQaBDjN6
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhN5nnawwP
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxImI4OwoDM
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QxV22rCQx
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HJvv1gRXY
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk3QrhuvKr
「我也不明白。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmm535AMUv
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEiQ8bmPyW
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6IolX4hSn
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqjAghXRjh
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60reRUo80A
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83tywGUfLV
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「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeIBOYkkuU
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgODqKzppFJ
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhq8vx2ANFK
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAFzH3u3K2
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iXRsRoE0h
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnmNPrw2Rq
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIPcbBEee3
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDCurtyPqx
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUD48YofXPg
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvELKTqvWO
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIhAHTOMOu
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jEBFG4HUF
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7t9DNI6xj
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSBZJwJ4Te
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPB1ACMzkj
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqD6bBJZWoR
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDIGZCZLBx
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUcJVVr1FL
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESt1itqC2o
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqi7JNxEB8Q
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LCFiPo8zL
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為何要走到這一步？265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRV3TKrc1OB
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG9CGsM08A
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bO1tbebMI
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20sr3XmcaQ
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jGxWPjT9U
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOljrMniiAm
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIPmnsDarq
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXD7GosyO9S
「別倔強。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6MjbYdkwt
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVGtwgrtbf
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIftg89N6v3
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlBJa5fkgQ
「我想你放棄。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e8hr1XZln
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「原因？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilzpWNi1vf
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaWG7oELlR
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznZXJRXBqe
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBD5pgE3tN
「我知道。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdLb3PwD26
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJZ4NAq97Q
「何解還要繼續下去？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWTqc3X5Lk
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmq0VhGGHm
「感情易放難收。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡef46KPK9RV
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxXNSGl67F
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoESknMLZe
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUnWN6bHMi
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7paizroAF
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdTCUGsZrp
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdcCN933A4
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wwMrPSUEy
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaz9NXuWer
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6BwEHGty9
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ShfFI8DbK
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOWnfdvsna
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLcKHM7OdQ
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PEpQIizwy
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCdSHgxr7Z
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsxIAYjyc9
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWK9R5Pxkk
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPM2cuqCw5
小醉。半醉。大醉。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJYTD1NMqV
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0Bty6awnM
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhri0mlXgy
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6fwOTHZ2d
「直接講我愛他。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CNFz4uJLU
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9h4OpwYvz
「如果他拒絕？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0DNPR46QZ
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw38p9MB1xC
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTJTeRe8Xo
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTFtjAqgvB
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnopvylttLo
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvO8Ab9pE2
「我當然是高興！」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rjuX9G2tQ
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfIOFfaeV8
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzekMgfuOuU
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHlVrde7On
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgeKZMJ4fK
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGMd4bTl1I
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyHryNULZ8
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLodYZOHKb
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtksRdW0Xv1
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYEm2OindG
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpr27sZkbBW
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrLRpS0xoq
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvWi2Niiu9
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoy85aHa7x
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHe0cQpYrik
「你仍然單身？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJKDjVZEcm
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZa6YwwGIJX
「是的。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnV0wv82Mwk
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR84Jy6kTw7
「要我當媒嗎？」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD0bwYrDwc
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwzjq1pcNZ
「不了。難為情。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKaNX1de4a
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuc2LZPK6JS
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoyFX40MGn
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpO79mHRh32
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLElN39jcQ5
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8FRmPty0y
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Yx0RChpKP
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEGMvXyarT
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZg2e8fPQq
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWbWM4TLFG
回家吧。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh35Vk34B6p
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsr2HMT24J
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkvxUUMhSR
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJhqbZyYaS
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCjZjf7BgA
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWQ32CLlU0
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pge0em6os
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdgP8upvgZ
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlYsdaTdip
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9USCGIQC97
大概是一見鍾情吧。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVh2WF7E0UI
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxnhp7F5AB
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobmxOlMIgf
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TxC65K4tb
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrq9jFqHMz
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6Rojqdbqu
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYBxsbV3g9
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3V9eL41xn
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqhxPv81n9
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcaSNT1h6B
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPJJWthxtD
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCUn19QvZM
百感交集……265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aPSITFpBD
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxM7BovTTUS
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRB53Vihef7
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItl6MpQFoI
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKXQwLHrDw
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErQdep9NjK
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR8nng2wy3
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPYCMYmemV
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3tdeoNx9A
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2di8A2s1FO
「認得。你是文班的。」265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1L1JaiVUz
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TiQhQDRQE
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50tXqCbjV2
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTC3J8kSrxi
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1aadiXtev
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnwB8oIEAk
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5wlbIGWY1
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22yp0bCKON
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiy3qmZGtql
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCqsASzH9M
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67uOEVP37P
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrbyHf7jLu
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwftQkKDJM
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNw0BRRpNI
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2fG1WKa2U
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvMCVnQEcO
我哭笑不得。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXSfuiEl6j
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGZkvyiGqj
無意跟他繼續對話。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aM2KpTZIn
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuUWTKK3kc
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0QFhNzntK
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDDWU8OLUd
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTLSbrmg6w
