午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。98Please respect copyright.PENANAha5KooqOQN
98Please respect copyright.PENANADgvPFPBtXO
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。98Please respect copyright.PENANAvEDpVgexLi
98Please respect copyright.PENANAJtkGLj5q5k
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。98Please respect copyright.PENANAYyqPmPWYFa
98Please respect copyright.PENANArSekWqBLEk
但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。98Please respect copyright.PENANAoQvxO4ok5P
98Please respect copyright.PENANAT01s9hQcZr
為何記住?我解釋不了。98Please respect copyright.PENANAKrrX38qgJ0
98Please respect copyright.PENANAdl10lnzBsU
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。98Please respect copyright.PENANAIqvgP454s7
98Please respect copyright.PENANAvQAAA79LZR
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。98Please respect copyright.PENANAg0uPYhesVm
98Please respect copyright.PENANAAod09x4H3R
其中一個是他。98Please respect copyright.PENANAZKfvT7DzZq
98Please respect copyright.PENANAiDsa9AdJ7X
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。98Please respect copyright.PENANAoq0uyUNQzz
98Please respect copyright.PENANAFxtpEIy7SV
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。98Please respect copyright.PENANAxPAElB0nY5
98Please respect copyright.PENANAY3ihN5PhnH
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。98Please respect copyright.PENANATx7Tw69FUZ
98Please respect copyright.PENANA8HLCkOH4bB
「你遺下銀包。」98Please respect copyright.PENANALQPta7TwBp
98Please respect copyright.PENANAPlIGpoIEBK
「謝謝。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAoZ4oVzG1XJ
98Please respect copyright.PENANASqxVWxz4kh
「不用客氣……」98Please respect copyright.PENANAkLnS1ShCli
98Please respect copyright.PENANAakg4NhGYkl
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?98Please respect copyright.PENANAgtBfhJNHG8
98Please respect copyright.PENANAGCZE3H6oAu
氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。98Please respect copyright.PENANAIX1UwAldhO
98Please respect copyright.PENANAPwn9ybEfcT
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。98Please respect copyright.PENANAQQF9auggfz
98Please respect copyright.PENANAFRJxqxjC8Y
誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。98Please respect copyright.PENANAVb6dMoXHNz
98Please respect copyright.PENANAwDMGlcx2NU
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。98Please respect copyright.PENANAGDhfuEqVGK
98Please respect copyright.PENANAK0xjwrKzHw
「我是文班許家偉。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAxTwsruZPgi
98Please respect copyright.PENANA55RtDXE3ln
「我是理班李浩榮。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAccJxgx7oMa
其實我早已知道許家偉。98Please respect copyright.PENANAKekYPW4SXE
98Please respect copyright.PENANAs4NkHt3oF6
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。98Please respect copyright.PENANAzmqUCmzhDg
98Please respect copyright.PENANAvWOfuuS6eO
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。98Please respect copyright.PENANArRaqfGt2D6
98Please respect copyright.PENANARY9uJnKkXZ
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。98Please respect copyright.PENANAiNemu4RsCx
98Please respect copyright.PENANAA0HZ3lS59g
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?98Please respect copyright.PENANAJEZLAnYrzJ
98Please respect copyright.PENANAzV78AlB9qG
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。98Please respect copyright.PENANA9HspkmRnNY
98Please respect copyright.PENANAQDImIydkY3
不服氣。98Please respect copyright.PENANA86oO8pCulr
98Please respect copyright.PENANAVrvV9Sdewy
繼續觀察他。98Please respect copyright.PENANA1JjXx7M8ls
98Please respect copyright.PENANA607aZIGgBs
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。98Please respect copyright.PENANA7ci8g7YXE5
98Please respect copyright.PENANA2LCQineSim
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。98Please respect copyright.PENANA7yqjm281Z6
98Please respect copyright.PENANAQJUArSG86L
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。98Please respect copyright.PENANALkFqqU59kM
98Please respect copyright.PENANAUCpAOQ6A8Y
我急步追趕許家偉。98Please respect copyright.PENANAi4gZ5RiRsj
98Please respect copyright.PENANAI9ZT7ebs76
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。98Please respect copyright.PENANAhV3hesg2UQ
98Please respect copyright.PENANAzosdLfVtVP
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。98Please respect copyright.PENANAEoqf7FVtiU
98Please respect copyright.PENANAX4Y1jQcsqd
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……98Please respect copyright.PENANAapVjDbkGsg
98Please respect copyright.PENANAHHhxhztIK4
「你遺下了銀包。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAxpS86qmYK7
98Please respect copyright.PENANATUrUAqHELc
「謝謝。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAYgmhtTd2Ee
98Please respect copyright.PENANAA95tmOTYED
「不用客氣……」98Please respect copyright.PENANAaJfOk84u8S
98Please respect copyright.PENANAFi0XXMn8zk
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。98Please respect copyright.PENANAa3Y80DwxZD
98Please respect copyright.PENANAbxmyRwsZyy
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。98Please respect copyright.PENANAehyRiSYRSZ
98Please respect copyright.PENANAcu3Cz130Y7
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……98Please respect copyright.PENANAkFoosbUyb3
98Please respect copyright.PENANAEevZtIGCNZ
我望入他雙眼。98Please respect copyright.PENANA2poMuhDo11
98Please respect copyright.PENANA7W8MnYV8vh
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……98Please respect copyright.PENANA6eyLrl86Zu
98Please respect copyright.PENANAzRWWBMuMia
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。98Please respect copyright.PENANADyLT0MiueR
98Please respect copyright.PENANATAXNVDyIQC
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。98Please respect copyright.PENANAieh8T6j9Ts
98Please respect copyright.PENANAlmtqlEmN5Q
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。98Please respect copyright.PENANAzgDJEfhvA8
98Please respect copyright.PENANALiZeAAD9zY
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。98Please respect copyright.PENANAbBDD7sZSdt
98Please respect copyright.PENANAdmH6gNHgHO
「我是文班許家偉。」98Please respect copyright.PENANA1TxxKDjfSC
98Please respect copyright.PENANACEIpCT67xW
「我是理班李浩榮。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAdH6HAMlTEB
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」98Please respect copyright.PENANApDsgWgGNfE
98Please respect copyright.PENANA5daoUzJzp6
我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。98Please respect copyright.PENANAX9j9P9d7S1
98Please respect copyright.PENANADeiY10U1Ai
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。98Please respect copyright.PENANAejAQgYH16y
98Please respect copyright.PENANAiFtjDqrWEo
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。98Please respect copyright.PENANA3mGsYmmRvq
98Please respect copyright.PENANAw9jkYd6Ksw
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。98Please respect copyright.PENANAtH9nczhbV3
98Please respect copyright.PENANAolqvCtXSgY
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。98Please respect copyright.PENANAghIdQhzX7K
98Please respect copyright.PENANAjMtHK9dIvf
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。98Please respect copyright.PENANAk1GTS4aN1P
98Please respect copyright.PENANAxqHMMeoTyj
但我沒有阻止他。98Please respect copyright.PENANAK19tJQAnAU
98Please respect copyright.PENANAsIvgUheFCZ
他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。98Please respect copyright.PENANAG5ofksVR4m
98Please respect copyright.PENANAGR0jfZs8ud
我慫恿他繼續說下去。98Please respect copyright.PENANAHmBIaXlb7d
98Please respect copyright.PENANAxJIZNMCOfp
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。98Please respect copyright.PENANACt1kOvB62u
98Please respect copyright.PENANAJWGvo82Lkc
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。98Please respect copyright.PENANA0ohdoYllzX
98Please respect copyright.PENANAvtDm5NjklD
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」98Please respect copyright.PENANA7NYZX1YXn4
98Please respect copyright.PENANAVL0S152r6H
我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。98Please respect copyright.PENANArP5wTpnj0s
98Please respect copyright.PENANAD0gFxwqP9d
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。98Please respect copyright.PENANA0S89SHplYI
98Please respect copyright.PENANAPG1jJsTDB2
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。98Please respect copyright.PENANANJnQYYZCkJ
98Please respect copyright.PENANAE3qqO93a1u
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。98Please respect copyright.PENANAmfU4Ns3YCy
98Please respect copyright.PENANAU8pWti3qPm
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。98Please respect copyright.PENANAEHvSUOXL2x
98Please respect copyright.PENANAeyX8RCOmjK
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。98Please respect copyright.PENANA3CoJxO58FQ
98Please respect copyright.PENANAvLp3KkTWDW
但我掛念他。98Please respect copyright.PENANARjXqBec5on
98Please respect copyright.PENANApqRmihezKE
不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。98Please respect copyright.PENANARAqox2in70
98Please respect copyright.PENANANXZ8wlHxkE
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。98Please respect copyright.PENANAZkeOzy7nVd
98Please respect copyright.PENANA2SX6qEuwo3
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。98Please respect copyright.PENANAnMtaXc0n0m
98Please respect copyright.PENANAMdzkUpEuWu
糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。98Please respect copyright.PENANApV3Hq2YlX0
98Please respect copyright.PENANArDsWTFLfSm
不要說。不要聽。不要見。98Please respect copyright.PENANAazSlPnwgbG
98Please respect copyright.PENANAxKqyiWH8XB
希望時間會沖淡一切。98Please respect copyright.PENANAbNHUD3gM3I
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。98Please respect copyright.PENANAkCm0FgM1Td
98Please respect copyright.PENANABSvEtBZeRH
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。98Please respect copyright.PENANAoylOoYxP5k
98Please respect copyright.PENANAiDFUdtMxbb
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAE1TyMjYPZl
98Please respect copyright.PENANARnbqcECeZx
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。98Please respect copyright.PENANAuGhhPfA1lf
98Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZiTuTfiES
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAQcWgZUMf0q
98Please respect copyright.PENANA96xRx9af3Q
「我也不明白。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAfh8e7vARuu
98Please respect copyright.PENANA0qcnCGDHf5
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAIJrb1Ks6mr
98Please respect copyright.PENANA9W5feZytPa
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」98Please respect copyright.PENANA9YlK98B3qN
98Please respect copyright.PENANAHGwlndIKYh
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAeJOBDu7zNX
98Please respect copyright.PENANA0HWaFJv9OH
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」98Please respect copyright.PENANADWXXuFDIQs
98Please respect copyright.PENANA7L8v426jBz
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」98Please respect copyright.PENANA0qjyMklle7
98Please respect copyright.PENANAnsofseytk9
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAwvolILq98L
98Please respect copyright.PENANAH7V12Y8bUi
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。98Please respect copyright.PENANA70GAvQawgb
98Please respect copyright.PENANAT6O9ry5nf6
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。98Please respect copyright.PENANAAbeemkvA5Q
98Please respect copyright.PENANAJmylMjFQ5p
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?98Please respect copyright.PENANA0w0XsHYgRd
98Please respect copyright.PENANAWvoBmlxSuV
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。98Please respect copyright.PENANAgPynOEHP11
98Please respect copyright.PENANAVsnNk8Mg59
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。98Please respect copyright.PENANAJQArzHRdUR
98Please respect copyright.PENANAA2eUgpPLF3
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。98Please respect copyright.PENANAchjcUpBxew
98Please respect copyright.PENANAbFlLCyQQJW
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?98Please respect copyright.PENANA56RIFufp8b
98Please respect copyright.PENANACuk0F9SDg5
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?98Please respect copyright.PENANAPGz717wFhT
98Please respect copyright.PENANAllP5FC7kBm
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。98Please respect copyright.PENANASqJ2E4bXjm
98Please respect copyright.PENANAJ9ZX6lY29N
為何要走到這一步?98Please respect copyright.PENANAQRHvRh1fKY
98Please respect copyright.PENANAvGQLLeeurz
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。98Please respect copyright.PENANAKXBUpG6JWi
98Please respect copyright.PENANAgFBQTGRZzT
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAj3OXL9gWPb
98Please respect copyright.PENANAYj4NMZ9OPK
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」98Please respect copyright.PENANAsbHmUw951T
98Please respect copyright.PENANA2x0Yn5hUAd
「別倔強。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAFe1wLVnjUA
98Please respect copyright.PENANA2ANhCPrJoo
「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」98Please respect copyright.PENANAOE1awYl2BM
98Please respect copyright.PENANAeO3B9gnDUS
「我想你放棄。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAC38jxbsPMd
98Please respect copyright.PENANAJDsL962oC5
「原因?」98Please respect copyright.PENANAZMShGr7VAh
98Please respect copyright.PENANAUlIv81gv5P
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4YDhw2kuL
98Please respect copyright.PENANAbTjMWJMFj2
「我知道。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAHVHd6514gE
98Please respect copyright.PENANA89hfiRrnEv
「何解還要繼續下去?」98Please respect copyright.PENANANKYH1CtHDZ
98Please respect copyright.PENANAFBOAzO6xp3
「感情易放難收。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAKgVmoGdonR
98Please respect copyright.PENANAigJWZ8Ho4B
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。98Please respect copyright.PENANAxCVuKpL36n
98Please respect copyright.PENANAc8eFupKoie
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!98Please respect copyright.PENANAqhhFZ225fd
98Please respect copyright.PENANARoTgqaIXgn
架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。98Please respect copyright.PENANAgYDFtpYnEp
98Please respect copyright.PENANA86wqmQnmNh
阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。98Please respect copyright.PENANAIbRAyh5JGw
98Please respect copyright.PENANAPZKsRlvynm
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……98Please respect copyright.PENANAWZtjApr8Bz
98Please respect copyright.PENANAcKwvzW7IPA
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。98Please respect copyright.PENANAp4FFk5YZ7R
98Please respect copyright.PENANA003bK8JQl9
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAFUAhbsSMdq
98Please respect copyright.PENANADQmfpqqBSS
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。98Please respect copyright.PENANAm9Ktzgvsys
98Please respect copyright.PENANAoJ3s5qNvbx
小醉。半醉。大醉。98Please respect copyright.PENANAMLRV1t1NCU
98Please respect copyright.PENANAnmc7xIbuIo
阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」98Please respect copyright.PENANAy4kMSgGBLM
98Please respect copyright.PENANA29bCQj04Qs
「直接講我愛他。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAbLXCDIiwZG
98Please respect copyright.PENANAJqMNNCYolT
「如果他拒絕?」98Please respect copyright.PENANARzPPvhxE7u
98Please respect copyright.PENANAIvCwSwuPIS
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAMQ8Lk8qo6E
98Please respect copyright.PENANAYkTOnw6DWT
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」98Please respect copyright.PENANAirFdAyeGJF
98Please respect copyright.PENANAG8j7axYp2u
「我當然是高興!」98Please respect copyright.PENANA7t8yjDrFfX
98Please respect copyright.PENANAnfVHV6Qiha
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」98Please respect copyright.PENANA4pI8wRUiJ3
98Please respect copyright.PENANA3i6cX1jgOn
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。98Please respect copyright.PENANAGzf4gG8bXb
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。98Please respect copyright.PENANA8CzcASsNeA
98Please respect copyright.PENANAzUjVH8ZtYj
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。98Please respect copyright.PENANAitdCVOBRIq
98Please respect copyright.PENANArPQYjhwFx4
李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。98Please respect copyright.PENANAj4HR605Ceb
98Please respect copyright.PENANAOecMSX4xq0
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAeJRJa7vrEF
98Please respect copyright.PENANATkabaFQxoU
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAmZ7trMvpKt
98Please respect copyright.PENANAaZN2RPbUbg
「你仍然單身?」98Please respect copyright.PENANA5Z96VmxBXh
98Please respect copyright.PENANAiAapsdVHn3
「是的。」98Please respect copyright.PENANA14MxmUDVFs
98Please respect copyright.PENANA2o4cvGdR1I
「要我當媒嗎?」98Please respect copyright.PENANARr7LuNgD4r
98Please respect copyright.PENANAFxf50AMeYk
「不了。難為情。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAGPJliIBdve
98Please respect copyright.PENANAOqpQPRWpJP
李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。98Please respect copyright.PENANA0Kl8UwKDB1
98Please respect copyright.PENANA30OMQ72YmA
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。98Please respect copyright.PENANA6838tyAK0a
98Please respect copyright.PENANAZ1WWAdUVkX
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。98Please respect copyright.PENANAEBaBl7K9Yx
98Please respect copyright.PENANA7THlFpmr9N
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。98Please respect copyright.PENANAo0DB53AqCI
98Please respect copyright.PENANA5jt8X8vbSl
回家吧。98Please respect copyright.PENANAJjKebA7bQi
98Please respect copyright.PENANAF15a5NnjOS
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。98Please respect copyright.PENANAN5ESp5fbxf
98Please respect copyright.PENANApCwL39xkHX
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。98Please respect copyright.PENANAv7lBrsk9bC
98Please respect copyright.PENANAQzt8eStqdk
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。98Please respect copyright.PENANAN4xPCtlH4w
98Please respect copyright.PENANAbzhDwVVUGh
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。98Please respect copyright.PENANAG52fUWgnpo
98Please respect copyright.PENANAfsGQ0xoKzF
大概是一見鍾情吧。98Please respect copyright.PENANAGa7QNcC3kk
98Please respect copyright.PENANAixWQCkhaSt
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。98Please respect copyright.PENANAvz0xkSOWzc
98Please respect copyright.PENANAQy7g0yLuo4
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?98Please respect copyright.PENANA89XswMWfRq
98Please respect copyright.PENANA8EG80XdttW
我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。98Please respect copyright.PENANAcuTG3qtl3r
98Please respect copyright.PENANAQvMnc7uCQa
我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。98Please respect copyright.PENANAeYSAHbO1PQ
98Please respect copyright.PENANAIUrHUo7Hod
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。98Please respect copyright.PENANARVW3LuDWXr
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。98Please respect copyright.PENANAuCUHiXJGsq
98Please respect copyright.PENANANfCVdf3m1R
百感交集……98Please respect copyright.PENANAdZqMV0xNjA
98Please respect copyright.PENANAAxeRiKvrhl
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。98Please respect copyright.PENANAckc02kRV5H
98Please respect copyright.PENANAm8GpventTF
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。98Please respect copyright.PENANAzrrSDN6xQO
98Please respect copyright.PENANAwFGIgKqGmr
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……98Please respect copyright.PENANAygRvqRwO1S
98Please respect copyright.PENANAtYZW2GuKjd
「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAU296VGlQIt
98Please respect copyright.PENANA5buaXuOUjB
「認得。你是文班的。」98Please respect copyright.PENANAUbTptfxQ4Z
98Please respect copyright.PENANAyCLeSS6xk3
許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。98Please respect copyright.PENANACZXodapIwP
98Please respect copyright.PENANAKKzxS4ubwv
閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。98Please respect copyright.PENANAjcfquO3xSU
98Please respect copyright.PENANAThiJvb8DH0
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。98Please respect copyright.PENANAWZLSjJRZV4
98Please respect copyright.PENANATyIlYnIYl7
四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。98Please respect copyright.PENANA4P8XhDqBkm
98Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9sPRSgpV1
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。98Please respect copyright.PENANA4Yq0IzXeOb
98Please respect copyright.PENANAq0FAnrzGjm
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。98Please respect copyright.PENANAocs9Pao0Ko
98Please respect copyright.PENANASKu8bsxxka
許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?98Please respect copyright.PENANAsZM4EW12sr
98Please respect copyright.PENANAjI1meB1W3l
我哭笑不得。98Please respect copyright.PENANAx8dMzW5nax
98Please respect copyright.PENANAScfCb27Zbb
無意跟他繼續對話。98Please respect copyright.PENANA2UCkaVQ5XX
98Please respect copyright.PENANAA8Pk6fjZeP
多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。98Please respect copyright.PENANANKotrBSU6z
98Please respect copyright.PENANAWWtqcD8KqN
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。98Please respect copyright.PENANAdNqPjt7vIK