我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAZ0AeSzBC
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfCYvjnaRL
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjn4O6gd8g
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v4HqSJeS6
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWprb6QXaq
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhwnp7yjJ7
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkmcsYefhZ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PGbXanJG4
壓力似乎一併消散。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZBPKuptiq
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPidsr2UIc0
茶盡。我再續杯。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUsdWMkgAV
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLlXVW7Cwm
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOJg30V9PE
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzfFfo3Dhk
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWxNX9s6Wk
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwdmtH8l1F
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZG8FUzZqP
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NOOAGOIOY
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLxgGvhzcy
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAa9bUJMei
夢醒一場空。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYWL5QeIi0
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPObyCBgpx
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTAnLounGc
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4i6EEj5F2
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56G7zTzqRL
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcCnLI6LI4
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Y5BbYuE2V
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuRZuWzAll
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrGeLLfzdn
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLS4lzM9Wc1
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJ6nZaJqYl
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvzlE8gL4k
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OfPh5sQMn
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sfgqN02DH
我沾沾自喜。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZYFOM14x2
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26NYVuACRU
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqs9v5bA0N
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5W0nyl4xs
但我沒有向同學們坦白。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGTte5UFjI
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJvpv2e7gX
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2UADXELvv
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoc5OYyS4V
努力，努力，努力。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG25qU1uKoC
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9g3SrMhR6
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjAJYYNhtW
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fgvkXQBuN
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMzxOrlPfe
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcr3noaNp9U
以為。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aPOELvcrl
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0jfxPjjsS
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6XvUnWTOY
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Nu3iu9MBH
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwFu4WAtAA
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aByrKUAww
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykhxFjZaM5
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15RB9RHR2q
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQUNK89Grc
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQILAYl00xN
我的作品感動了我。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlP0scbJDDy
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZ5IGaoDDK
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3a2jveJukO
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08mw3nRp5D
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhQrFH04hj
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzSxjHLyJH
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAisLt5RV1
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ONUsfoa2V
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHt5THQ54pv
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTTJy2jVkf
熱茶又涼了。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJavpeO5Kb
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIU8bR27nf
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbsDjzflwX
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHlxX97zu7
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEp4op9Lht
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3I1G3BJorN
我的作品只感動了我。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AZmfYdJBf
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRJXPaCRDr
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVK1IFEE2zw
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.251da2
