我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。371Please respect copyright.PENANAcAZ0AeSzBC
371Please respect copyright.PENANAvfCYvjnaRL
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。371Please respect copyright.PENANAIjn4O6gd8g
371Please respect copyright.PENANA3v4HqSJeS6
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。371Please respect copyright.PENANAeWprb6QXaq
371Please respect copyright.PENANAJhwnp7yjJ7
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。371Please respect copyright.PENANAZkmcsYefhZ
371Please respect copyright.PENANA7PGbXanJG4
壓力似乎一併消散。371Please respect copyright.PENANAZZBPKuptiq
371Please respect copyright.PENANAPidsr2UIc0
茶盡。我再續杯。371Please respect copyright.PENANASUsdWMkgAV
371Please respect copyright.PENANAtLlXVW7Cwm
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。371Please respect copyright.PENANAbOJg30V9PE
371Please respect copyright.PENANAnzfFfo3Dhk
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。371Please respect copyright.PENANAkWxNX9s6Wk
371Please respect copyright.PENANAlwdmtH8l1F
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。371Please respect copyright.PENANAlZG8FUzZqP
371Please respect copyright.PENANA5NOOAGOIOY
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。371Please respect copyright.PENANAwLxgGvhzcy
371Please respect copyright.PENANAiAa9bUJMei
夢醒一場空。371Please respect copyright.PENANAtYWL5QeIi0
371Please respect copyright.PENANAGPObyCBgpx
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。371Please respect copyright.PENANArTAnLounGc
371Please respect copyright.PENANAW4i6EEj5F2
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……371Please respect copyright.PENANA56G7zTzqRL
371Please respect copyright.PENANAzcCnLI6LI4
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。371Please respect copyright.PENANA4Y5BbYuE2V
371Please respect copyright.PENANACuRZuWzAll
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。371Please respect copyright.PENANAdrGeLLfzdn
371Please respect copyright.PENANALS4lzM9Wc1
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。371Please respect copyright.PENANAsJ6nZaJqYl
371Please respect copyright.PENANAXvzlE8gL4k
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。371Please respect copyright.PENANA1OfPh5sQMn
371Please respect copyright.PENANA2sfgqN02DH
我沾沾自喜。371Please respect copyright.PENANAoZYFOM14x2
371Please respect copyright.PENANA26NYVuACRU
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。371Please respect copyright.PENANASqs9v5bA0N
371Please respect copyright.PENANAK5W0nyl4xs
但我沒有向同學們坦白。371Please respect copyright.PENANAIGTte5UFjI
371Please respect copyright.PENANATJvpv2e7gX
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。371Please respect copyright.PENANAq2UADXELvv
371Please respect copyright.PENANAUoc5OYyS4V
努力,努力,努力。371Please respect copyright.PENANAG25qU1uKoC
371Please respect copyright.PENANAS9g3SrMhR6
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。371Please respect copyright.PENANAEjAJYYNhtW
371Please respect copyright.PENANA3fgvkXQBuN
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。371Please respect copyright.PENANAmMzxOrlPfe
371Please respect copyright.PENANAcr3noaNp9U
以為。371Please respect copyright.PENANA6aPOELvcrl
371Please respect copyright.PENANAi0jfxPjjsS
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。371Please respect copyright.PENANAx6XvUnWTOY
371Please respect copyright.PENANA9Nu3iu9MBH
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。371Please respect copyright.PENANAkwFu4WAtAA
371Please respect copyright.PENANA4aByrKUAww
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!371Please respect copyright.PENANAykhxFjZaM5
371Please respect copyright.PENANA15RB9RHR2q
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。371Please respect copyright.PENANAeQUNK89Grc
371Please respect copyright.PENANAQILAYl00xN
我的作品感動了我。371Please respect copyright.PENANAlP0scbJDDy
371Please respect copyright.PENANAPZ5IGaoDDK
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。371Please respect copyright.PENANA3a2jveJukO
371Please respect copyright.PENANA08mw3nRp5D
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。371Please respect copyright.PENANAqhQrFH04hj
371Please respect copyright.PENANAbzSxjHLyJH
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。371Please respect copyright.PENANAjAisLt5RV1
371Please respect copyright.PENANA2ONUsfoa2V
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……371Please respect copyright.PENANAHt5THQ54pv
371Please respect copyright.PENANAnTTJy2jVkf
熱茶又涼了。371Please respect copyright.PENANAZJavpeO5Kb
371Please respect copyright.PENANABIU8bR27nf
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。371Please respect copyright.PENANAPbsDjzflwX
371Please respect copyright.PENANAsHlxX97zu7
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。371Please respect copyright.PENANAdEp4op9Lht
371Please respect copyright.PENANA3I1G3BJorN
我的作品只感動了我。371Please respect copyright.PENANA3AZmfYdJBf
371Please respect copyright.PENANAcRJXPaCRDr
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。371Please respect copyright.PENANAVK1IFEE2zw
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
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