我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvywzdhdnDL
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PtOjE5A1j
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwDaqEXtkV
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuF2rp0eh5
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaqgixy0gJ
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6LsdgrDGf
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaYkNuphUl
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9xChaj2yx
壓力似乎一併消散。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7lrS36QC5
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOJU4e2DFj
茶盡。我再續杯。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacjO33QhH2
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCipGFRI9Ug
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkXiKRyKAw
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Palc0vwz8
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjm76nro74
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh6VmTo9px
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdDZFFKS9V
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxym1O0PELB
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETjQv1uPHP
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7Pxqcu2rP
夢醒一場空。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbiCIEdZ66
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gctq3HrGt
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWAANIN2IC
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVikpaTVC4t
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO44EtWhdb4
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdckGMkxs8
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlzAgi5tZG
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTsIsu7qrk
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LNnKqE6Nz
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtiS2nRCyt
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkzasXVNXo
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4faoAumlIb
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2S2CQapBOI
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiGusQdWZR
我沾沾自喜。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB983mgYPt
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovWpymre8K
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7enXnGmVL
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0dda0S0de
但我沒有向同學們坦白。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYRV7D8DE1
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhIS5cY49M
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtBU30QpjV
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmgsNf5DtU
努力，努力，努力。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAHF9K5uj7
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTLyp72MSW
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3h9XHfW54
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUAIW2hZQs
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQY18zHiGk
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDGLl4lxGF
以為。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UaYNarMeO
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYONHUgtAe
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YhxgGDOUi
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUgblcQCeg
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZovFNjRoMO
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEaWaCrJs0
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡct93lETzjP
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVlcLSn5Q6
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibjSQ1NV40
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Lj69D8da6
我的作品感動了我。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJmX6U5XA4
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYlQgV6HSb
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLkWu1K1NK
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ctqXQRVfv
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgL700Lplu
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48naOC9Cfe
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MVlBKtEBT
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4goi5fpJe
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLYrJgetXS
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78PcRCrgOa
熱茶又涼了。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tyGUOuFQq
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPAQoJLInM
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPRaxFZvwn
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwnhhyOmf1
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5VPnnIn4X
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvGAPEc6pw
我的作品只感動了我。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0kTYaHMD7
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWreljg3z5
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPb5BsFcGy
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.251da2
