我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。155Please respect copyright.PENANAcUS6zzw0lj
155Please respect copyright.PENANALn8ytlhK8h
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。155Please respect copyright.PENANAydhpnAWwer
155Please respect copyright.PENANAyaza9VVxxq
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。155Please respect copyright.PENANAff9og66tw5
155Please respect copyright.PENANAmeAWKXyHcU
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。155Please respect copyright.PENANAZucNmFSJsW
155Please respect copyright.PENANA3hEv2Ylzmq
壓力似乎一併消散。155Please respect copyright.PENANAt8raYQ1BcB
155Please respect copyright.PENANAPIqntUsACY
茶盡。我再續杯。155Please respect copyright.PENANAo2W53O8oCL
155Please respect copyright.PENANAFJibBBTvXO
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。155Please respect copyright.PENANAW3LSilE4Bz
155Please respect copyright.PENANAlMbMI4BLDf
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。155Please respect copyright.PENANAjhCdMuQfiG
155Please respect copyright.PENANATFYw9T4m5u
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。155Please respect copyright.PENANAMeLhSaxtX0
155Please respect copyright.PENANA3M3UCuEgUy
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。155Please respect copyright.PENANAc34b4ONWxY
155Please respect copyright.PENANA26i6kvMVTc
夢醒一場空。155Please respect copyright.PENANAIzPcYiIHAW
155Please respect copyright.PENANAOIzw1Uy4FS
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。155Please respect copyright.PENANAsfTFDLQypR
155Please respect copyright.PENANAEEb47ydpoK
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……155Please respect copyright.PENANAN8DZMeLVbb
155Please respect copyright.PENANAm9sJYG3AN7
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。155Please respect copyright.PENANAcZQ4duXJiP
155Please respect copyright.PENANAS3eGNkkhgo
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。155Please respect copyright.PENANAeR9pYTQgFL
155Please respect copyright.PENANAEJYhU2fPF4
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。155Please respect copyright.PENANAFRpHulvKz9
155Please respect copyright.PENANAUsFlDq8MZx
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。155Please respect copyright.PENANARvx2AMoqFj
155Please respect copyright.PENANAUB7nqrTspX
我沾沾自喜。155Please respect copyright.PENANAEMvqQrB2WW
155Please respect copyright.PENANAPyYczIlLda
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。155Please respect copyright.PENANAvWDPPucf1v
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但我沒有向同學們坦白。155Please respect copyright.PENANAmfBYwgNgWf
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因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。155Please respect copyright.PENANAkpkmxg5DhT
155Please respect copyright.PENANABvoKCNfoFA
努力,努力,努力。155Please respect copyright.PENANAyAloG2uKhj
155Please respect copyright.PENANA1zb5dvKhzq
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。155Please respect copyright.PENANABGAPkcPEOM
155Please respect copyright.PENANA7j7wqdlyo3
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。155Please respect copyright.PENANAM7a7m1ZJzz
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以為。155Please respect copyright.PENANABgdSCG3Hj0
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告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。155Please respect copyright.PENANACW81DaR66O
155Please respect copyright.PENANAPgVnDOuM9n
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。155Please respect copyright.PENANArf0t444OGp
155Please respect copyright.PENANA0EDzc5r76G
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!155Please respect copyright.PENANAeTPOJvEhio
155Please respect copyright.PENANARvA30VH0Lm
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。155Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4cP9oRDmZ
155Please respect copyright.PENANAlYKTBKggbS
我的作品感動了我。155Please respect copyright.PENANAzUhIFrVzHI
155Please respect copyright.PENANA1ARZP4jDqr
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。155Please respect copyright.PENANAfhyzUXkon3
155Please respect copyright.PENANALgn75zG20z
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。155Please respect copyright.PENANA4mmocBHXRG
155Please respect copyright.PENANAfxCgbO8e7k
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。155Please respect copyright.PENANAYDK1ublUnC
155Please respect copyright.PENANAylER8gdYtK
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……155Please respect copyright.PENANAIjKTnQa2lH
155Please respect copyright.PENANAn7Z5wbCRzJ
熱茶又涼了。155Please respect copyright.PENANAk1Wjhooi9h
155Please respect copyright.PENANAxnpknGiUEv
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。155Please respect copyright.PENANAL8gEMNdKP5
155Please respect copyright.PENANAGqoL323dfC
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。155Please respect copyright.PENANAwfe4jJan0Q
155Please respect copyright.PENANAA3aMj4aBiY
我的作品只感動了我。155Please respect copyright.PENANAiNFIxvvsx2
155Please respect copyright.PENANAtWygVBwRFY
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。155Please respect copyright.PENANAs70HqArC2i
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.70.127.135da2