我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwZj6w7THn
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6AatoGsI8
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5V8cYCRgPK
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQpiBzyIOd
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy87WKkam65
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jb4OgjX59
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvZaXZWplv
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJupg2c1ijW
壓力似乎一併消散。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6pZ1n2Gr3
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHiVUe8Umy
茶盡。我再續杯。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvEiCWjQt2
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQtAZKk0Ne
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpEVqFk7E2
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbm0vx0yPwF
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHDFyN789z
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GBkAxRvAJ
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OhbIfOdZC
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVi0ws5vuEc
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4xiwoVbwX
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJI3Wf9b2lO
夢醒一場空。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRGPdCcj5G
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPy6cMRvFDu
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtYHQH4k5a
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUk5tszsoH
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVTQscCRaN
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6U05gG5y6
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltaRq24fL1
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphST4EeB0A
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6y2xEQix0
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvHDIwl09j
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFz2B2ASss1
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz1yMWUO0g
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QjhOcPvmQ
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOme9qjlOI0
我沾沾自喜。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqfaNTQ7sx
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOo5ip9Fgy
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jyUwW8NZh
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl31VLVuHog
但我沒有向同學們坦白。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtDxO40HBx
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFh7E9FLhO
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDySy02fxu
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzeOmth0sf
努力，努力，努力。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkVKqT8vNh
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Pl9FMRzi8
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqgQMQ7xMl
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpfJLhH3T5
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK5kKcDZi4
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vvwwMiSao
以為。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkHfEB9AxE
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuPiIAmdMw
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjKlAmNB3V
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4fNJZQt6x
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWCFR4QqhF
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGSsPdab1b
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3j71inBnUi
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGchniH7Pi
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOrYl5lV61
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lrdVpFr5Q
我的作品感動了我。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3a6WP7ms35
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbM02jguP5
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllFbiEN0vv
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlFgL00i9j
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfkgnZrQ78
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYJ9Z76Xgi
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLLsMcdYwZ
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6q53ENl8Nu
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyNA3TozpA
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡculZ3t3ezm
熱茶又涼了。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxRWg6G3YJ
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0v3hcazyP
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2oPwKPA5z
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0o4xACx3x
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8WIm38M4X
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBmYXBB08y
我的作品只感動了我。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgntI8aVpSH
368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYbLM0nhb7
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GELkELMJY
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.251da2
