我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUhDHRLdKP
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGc2VzBd90R
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwiGw2Lwfh
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQnyJBWm9b
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOEDaHSPOk
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEEKaKedQu
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39Da3oyr2A
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblzrMvAaB6
壓力似乎一併消散。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2UP6COJTA
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRKB4X04qF
茶盡。我再續杯。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wHYcittR7
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVVwmlKBsU
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zHsqJ08yO
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiB954Oex6x
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gL1C0q8n6
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxnxYR7kVf
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1Mm3jSJ6E
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3cBJS7DBY
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDxOecO406
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IBVXcxChm
夢醒一場空。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLUwSJ7SZs
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSQzB8GliJ
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdN9kKUUNwk
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMboKdo8ud
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqKB5WVCDm
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20uh21Y9Gp
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyruZEZIcv
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoSqESqhyj
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfTTwijMCJ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRboPv5xt7k
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LhmhyowP0
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡen21Fqv9tL
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHMLCdMy9Q
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJEfn6tfYS
我沾沾自喜。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZF6vUJtD2
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaVuT1NzJz
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkc7WQqsQJ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1h5HtGxZT
但我沒有向同學們坦白。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0b8EoIuq3
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUG8QRTmEZQ
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwd5uT7fLl
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9EKRPivCr
努力，努力，努力。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvORVDHZhQ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqLi3mZq8F
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYS4aZQ9bZ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1lUlHuKVI
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB98JoLQYLm
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVs1wFWkzoF
以為。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3TdmZhfr2
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwPB4fFS7q
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhyMje3fnL
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIv6Es10UY
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMiuGjabh3
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3EJleFFSm
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrO7GjHnsU
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lXiRuPHHz
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmje5siCOHI
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaXDkuZtSQ
我的作品感動了我。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJYZL2JenS
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H5JCCZ60D
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Yhy5PaEdJ
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6ScBXptXz
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3Nm1uT3bR
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDqWctQkQ7
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJypyDrCRkr
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdMz2Ev4yt
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvwNq8heqf
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3Xh23WHdG
熱茶又涼了。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs51hwJh0U3
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6yjr1Rzxo
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyrPhKcsP9
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1r5tHggLm1
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqXu25oKj9
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMkc9Nkcbn
我的作品只感動了我。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1rHCPTrpK
325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOHJYpsVdp
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。325Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Cr0FzEHpv
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.94da2
