我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。138Please respect copyright.PENANAyqdXpYsosq
138Please respect copyright.PENANA2ZUOgDtwtG
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。138Please respect copyright.PENANAfJWBkMihS2
138Please respect copyright.PENANAJJVnUDXfVI
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。138Please respect copyright.PENANA0ITff72CeD
138Please respect copyright.PENANA7eIfNIH15S
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。138Please respect copyright.PENANAtD6mBpQ51p
138Please respect copyright.PENANA4aAF7ON9qU
壓力似乎一併消散。138Please respect copyright.PENANAtQxZxSniWI
138Please respect copyright.PENANATyyKVP34vB
茶盡。我再續杯。138Please respect copyright.PENANAk1jhFrruu4
138Please respect copyright.PENANAa4HEfffZ5f
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。138Please respect copyright.PENANAIGTmfhrxE9
138Please respect copyright.PENANAi6D9ppdtyN
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。138Please respect copyright.PENANA7mDxwozmZg
138Please respect copyright.PENANAWttOBaqAVp
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。138Please respect copyright.PENANARtd8WnrLKH
138Please respect copyright.PENANA5HABPyF1Cx
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。138Please respect copyright.PENANAsbPT7TLpEw
138Please respect copyright.PENANAxrhO8DwtyH
夢醒一場空。138Please respect copyright.PENANAdCKMPxhUoz
138Please respect copyright.PENANA8kXknd5aVz
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。138Please respect copyright.PENANATFKCg8c20n
138Please respect copyright.PENANAoJtGpiC4HS
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……138Please respect copyright.PENANAI5zGR57rmF
138Please respect copyright.PENANAvWQcrrQJ5r
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。138Please respect copyright.PENANAsuyhJ5U4dD
138Please respect copyright.PENANArMc8j6BwID
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。138Please respect copyright.PENANA1mmqnsrP1I
138Please respect copyright.PENANA9AtDH9AFOU
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。138Please respect copyright.PENANADPavNuhpyU
138Please respect copyright.PENANApJTjnSDsNk
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。138Please respect copyright.PENANAm8RSbm1n1K
138Please respect copyright.PENANA6WjmCKTH7l
我沾沾自喜。138Please respect copyright.PENANA9UUVPCAxQE
138Please respect copyright.PENANADNHXvqB0dZ
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。138Please respect copyright.PENANAFRDC8l1Sf8
138Please respect copyright.PENANAyqm227Am1y
但我沒有向同學們坦白。138Please respect copyright.PENANAQdF8BQn3qb
138Please respect copyright.PENANA1Y9QXbASE7
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。138Please respect copyright.PENANAgz3rthmmMk
138Please respect copyright.PENANAQ9WihoBuJ1
努力,努力,努力。138Please respect copyright.PENANAglhjgxdMxO
138Please respect copyright.PENANANrXQ6Ho0xe
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。138Please respect copyright.PENANARnrjK8ghVd
138Please respect copyright.PENANAIiPWQBdB1R
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。138Please respect copyright.PENANAQaF4h1ITdI
138Please respect copyright.PENANAtptx6nToRt
以為。138Please respect copyright.PENANAchOLkD2gqy
138Please respect copyright.PENANA0xcic7jmP6
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。138Please respect copyright.PENANArvD24vlISu
138Please respect copyright.PENANAumEiyoGrtW
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。138Please respect copyright.PENANACSdeYODNft
138Please respect copyright.PENANAqasXYK2X9G
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!138Please respect copyright.PENANALzBHX1Uw97
138Please respect copyright.PENANASMPfCobNCG
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。138Please respect copyright.PENANAcww1qvU9Tx
138Please respect copyright.PENANA0cV8p3HHGq
我的作品感動了我。138Please respect copyright.PENANAXlY1c2Ix7r
138Please respect copyright.PENANATc6xbiLKUu
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。138Please respect copyright.PENANAUeL1Nq8ejX
138Please respect copyright.PENANAZsn3rpmZ8P
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。138Please respect copyright.PENANAFm5UOU9N3j
138Please respect copyright.PENANA1ld1WHML9t
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。138Please respect copyright.PENANAHLlzFQ92dd
138Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9lKBZcILj
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……138Please respect copyright.PENANAZIuulrqgvW
138Please respect copyright.PENANAC4fzDbxYvt
熱茶又涼了。138Please respect copyright.PENANAEaI9uRTr7a
138Please respect copyright.PENANAlzZj8V5zT3
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。138Please respect copyright.PENANALuN5qLAhU2
138Please respect copyright.PENANAPWEba1rZV5
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。138Please respect copyright.PENANAf35aTQDdgZ
138Please respect copyright.PENANAwSh9cHmgFm
我的作品只感動了我。138Please respect copyright.PENANApoPWWwGbt2
138Please respect copyright.PENANAlalh1ELIIP
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。138Please respect copyright.PENANAALiOLtix1N
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.69.58.193da2