我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9jSg3Htck
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIojIgiunb
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvqvIlcqaS
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMybcl4qt0
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kIoFzyfpG
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV4JEwJB8K
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZcVpEkbI3
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxadiigF8ZF
壓力似乎一併消散。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbgLZDeCdt
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡux0dlOnoz6
茶盡。我再續杯。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwk1ko8VVRF
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe502YNFlyu
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmRuTmH2Pl
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVz71DQfhM
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7cr08UPrw
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGx335Bh8w
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrnXJGvU8z
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhY8ZVLj9e
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfo2B0fMybN
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuPHutB8ym
夢醒一場空。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIw5t0nZEs
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Zclw3Ltff
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2VI8FLYQO
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Kh80L1la9
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9Zt0yv3J6
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEI0dkd4oP
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2d1mk9mVz
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9YwVQncFF
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJNL0LWfbl
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwefF7KbUmc
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpkj0wxWAW
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoRsLR73Cu
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSSedsAt0f
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBE5aNJdAN
我沾沾自喜。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4CbDJ09Ld
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLtJlpyGMq
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO79pzG3SG
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8N1hpSHcM
但我沒有向同學們坦白。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSXWIIwWqf
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUILHo7VQy3
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHiPtoecdl
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RedjRLT0P
努力，努力，努力。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1CETde54i
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hq7aC0nRe
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruL3TSGFiH
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQZFPS9BEV
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oGR0hZVYj
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnvjB40n4n
以為。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO42wysh6DS
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGPrT9anxc
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKefUEcIGan
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMwrY3x7Bk
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSBPhZ6yyo
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwhNpwT8YD
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZnrnDEtYL
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1WlHS5D8r
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRHcmfD3Eo
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2IUHYCr1u
我的作品感動了我。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdfYqNzIRh
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsGho2XdGz
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhnAMUgnYY
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8k9ABlT8SB
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XkZwDBjWP
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uevI92cWt
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4VY27fsdd
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kO74phQuV
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8N8Ajcchc
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpg8Z1OQI7s
熱茶又涼了。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWx823t8VtU
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Bn8Mq0uTM
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFdwCvaS2i
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKSAztkR7n
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPm2Hyhw66
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEzmiNtRzy
我的作品只感動了我。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yfXUtkd9E
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPm7tvvc8b
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSI44QHwnRX
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.72da2
