我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeX3hb5ar4U
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQgZZuPPH4
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH19tayw9MW
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiui26xfzSS
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSsQroMcFn
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqGE9G0j22
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrO5w1HeQ3Q
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWwo7sBFHS
壓力似乎一併消散。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt5RueUgjt
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsBERWPIeK
茶盡。我再續杯。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpytIrtJL4
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnk8PeozjF
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxKnE0xNj1
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBo8QwmWVT
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBecKqJQJS
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZIdlvS6OV
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3DJFHcWyF
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjeu9bKmEj
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotB2wnb4Kk
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sxNxy8Ltp
夢醒一場空。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXIty3pBXs
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxvmIRRDVG
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6wdcDEw86
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rjEpwCweO
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPG5qEjYG6
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hKYVICRQP
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWIADkDr9p
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RUmj2VemY
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k92mSTy5L
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmVj2WBAq0
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaH70kIDaa
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvV39aGZIB
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbaArz9Mw3
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiTCXviSce
我沾沾自喜。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQdZelNJAy
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GuPGQCXHg
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPunUJcZqN
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl8hDVMuiZ
但我沒有向同學們坦白。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9iIsId0Ro
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBPfnO9cCk
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5u0xyyXZL
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QOgsUyvHM
努力，努力，努力。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrj073DPbXu
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAbYIG1xHu
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzYxiuzn5x
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8gAuQv34E
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mesvAA4EX
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHqWgln2be
以為。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MGBNwxkBI
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfqagAAzmH
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAqz56UIXA
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJi9pf0Wn7i
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPhPk25ilA
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tRUleoPtb
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQQKYhSlZf
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGXpvItoWp
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMOgu6akmH
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaIp8cNDwA
我的作品感動了我。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUudloSznGM
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBE9uX6KdC
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiJ4wX2JW4
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpN5DSdvMeq
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhv42zSxRNc
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3geIBn9cPd
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡib7UtRMT9B
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8L64pm1kqr
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAsyFOYsjF
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYMNTAFfD9
熱茶又涼了。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLCcrb4qOk
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKfT5zGQ18
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1d2rcntdC
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtrd4HCOln
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YUFBb641g
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aNE6QHchg
我的作品只感動了我。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6VBAG7JcT
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0I2M7fRbSa
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoZJdydyi9
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.148da2
