我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTgaLLgmXT
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhsUJOEWUU
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgkoqKWIdd
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSHOmohUkh
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWOctksnZu
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyGTKyWPKW
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH8g70y0hE
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwdpyhvIhk
壓力似乎一併消散。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWmm8t1HgH
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCdtANckLi
茶盡。我再續杯。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSUbI3f1jk
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrsb9PkA9V
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvoO6Pu478
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmrg1J9vw7
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GcJAKsmMa
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrFaofw5ci
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jBUi17hyB
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjb6wH2vaGR
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6REsj1ykbX
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXnL5hBeBQ
夢醒一場空。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mKvvQM0sX
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFOrwbrn0i
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAhzbFjHvr
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpj6A4L0Bp9
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWga5i6q8z0
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoj8hnjYM4T
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87OLo5REXJ
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCpX42sRkk
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwliNATgsXD
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ31Cxe05qt
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLtPhXEkOk
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSZ423MWS1
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4umF9fvEUh
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPS3iC9mtXI
我沾沾自喜。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroDiWt1iLw
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyO9pdC0VW
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjorUpTbit
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIq3tjPM3h
但我沒有向同學們坦白。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSGKYno7f2
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYZt2ifFmV
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vZEUfL76H
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwQ37v6JMO
努力，努力，努力。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0a1qnKEP8
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQlLkjSFV2
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WMBaCwtv7
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkvreT7RbM
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUiffn8B5x
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4OI4DpXGZ
以為。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAN9YepGOCn
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYRQLoqJKc
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RiQ1iI50o
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyOlWxsNRo
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6LpXwvTs6
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtBBbscEGI
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KQxGMw2Jb
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbl2JflzCe
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZApjo4VYz7
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88ey5NnEiA
我的作品感動了我。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsScUoeFDj
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQpt0uiHt7
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHtl0Mbg4b
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAFeTv9v7T
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQPbX4287e
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTTU0DvoSG
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxLQ8NAtSA
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YtONtG34i
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZPxhWCtgg
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GT8HVeqXE
熱茶又涼了。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpO4bTHLS2N
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlb0GW512E7
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzwik0Xg6j
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcc15bxgD1w
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsicjEv5MZ
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxlobznrKF
我的作品只感動了我。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xdiWDwI7g
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAIqAm56OF
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg75PRgCtV
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.148da2
