我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvTlEqz9JI
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5HnkQkCA9
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vqEH785o2
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDOeHAsNhD
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpTTYf8lsw
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VCIFOoV8m
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LWJW3Kexd
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMBF8cxWGi
壓力似乎一併消散。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMO42uoMm7I
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1RPb4o3QX
茶盡。我再續杯。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnan2ZR8D4v
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4wzVLOQCK
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdlmaxGMiX
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyFFoAlZLl
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPu4CocjKk2
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBguZ4imGY6
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviIhvTBrSc
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApyS6AheMZ
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnNcsnlX38
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQx9qLBZcFN
夢醒一場空。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxH1WvhcWCG
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMsiY2VEnU
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLs8r5bt3ZW
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX9kz9sTd8
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPYqC55u88
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXmkSKElMX
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkokrT1xQsl
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQr4zK0sn4q
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBJfFlU7Up
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN7lWlpkOz
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaj8CwBgZBP
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrLraGFZtA
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsEqIV7mIE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpGRfTYCBS
我沾沾自喜。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumzAGw7s68
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4obpPdcMA4
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzCgxZRtUm
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlSPzgCc9m
但我沒有向同學們坦白。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx3k1YkMEU
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHckFGVrJe
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQibFxmoIPD
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPaYhpPGfu
努力，努力，努力。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEHuy43hWi
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPdtdCT8zZ
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpWiIB2yj9
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvT0JIDcFx
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sJqOkj43K
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9nQIhF0VF
以為。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQDHpqDYIp
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xtWihfk0H
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBMR73GEAD
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt8RaZVDrT
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiyrv5UaOw
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaK1URE7QY
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbMyA2yyJb
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjSyIkiPnF
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQYepG4rpl
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxayo7oZSh
我的作品感動了我。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9Z8QV8upk
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgMhchwGnz
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xOwNT6BHf
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCt2qIo4Ex7
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB5JZRHn83
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1C88urB8PE
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmAtw7x2y5
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3RcICv398
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMM0blYLCIE
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUK5Ad3XqzA
熱茶又涼了。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiIK0O4TH7
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRupjPaoH3B
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqvCKJhS51
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcDCOiyyAM
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeBJbhzgxD
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9v26rnHTiG
我的作品只感動了我。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk17sCJJsxl
289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9yV8CxKUI
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。289Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNutEYCu9Jl
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns3.144.95.186da2
