我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。144Please respect copyright.PENANAalnc1NH6Gd
144Please respect copyright.PENANAr26BM3WZuJ
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。144Please respect copyright.PENANAnJ4oDLInAF
144Please respect copyright.PENANAKyUDjBQ9Hj
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。144Please respect copyright.PENANAsPhxG9Tna3
144Please respect copyright.PENANAkY8JmwZQGB
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。144Please respect copyright.PENANAtA0EAoNTiw
144Please respect copyright.PENANAronILjoI82
壓力似乎一併消散。144Please respect copyright.PENANAuBOiFkdspf
144Please respect copyright.PENANAIaZPLbq0QH
茶盡。我再續杯。144Please respect copyright.PENANA6BYVetF09F
144Please respect copyright.PENANAVNBLFmFzqb
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。144Please respect copyright.PENANANw7m32l1kn
144Please respect copyright.PENANAyO0qB5yYe7
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。144Please respect copyright.PENANAUqpBU9dUin
144Please respect copyright.PENANA9ej7T1tGU2
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。144Please respect copyright.PENANAO6SfkaD3on
144Please respect copyright.PENANAlWwicmYYJJ
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。144Please respect copyright.PENANAD2jpwevu3Q
144Please respect copyright.PENANATPQi28X0hp
夢醒一場空。144Please respect copyright.PENANAI9FBYtqtSq
144Please respect copyright.PENANAultQ27sriN
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。144Please respect copyright.PENANAJPzrd2q5D1
144Please respect copyright.PENANAXbNgpoU9wO
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……144Please respect copyright.PENANA6XHO4Pa9LF
144Please respect copyright.PENANA6599VEeYRn
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。144Please respect copyright.PENANAGDoHFr8JDn
144Please respect copyright.PENANAqMk29nTdsC
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。144Please respect copyright.PENANAlTr5q87BhO
144Please respect copyright.PENANA40kFxxz359
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。144Please respect copyright.PENANADIHyFI1V8g
144Please respect copyright.PENANAfMZnlkjnmz
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。144Please respect copyright.PENANAejwIzYepRx
144Please respect copyright.PENANAnSaiTzDcWv
我沾沾自喜。144Please respect copyright.PENANAmqYfoOzQSz
144Please respect copyright.PENANAmTxo2hPXAy
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。144Please respect copyright.PENANAA4OmWeHp1j
144Please respect copyright.PENANAZKuDI1639F
但我沒有向同學們坦白。144Please respect copyright.PENANA1auVtJg0ZD
144Please respect copyright.PENANANNWyHsgHJX
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。144Please respect copyright.PENANAbhslVBLwRI
144Please respect copyright.PENANAliSfKbELAy
努力,努力,努力。144Please respect copyright.PENANA3k7wu21jXQ
144Please respect copyright.PENANAelYbGzxWeE
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。144Please respect copyright.PENANAO2pM02r5Qo
144Please respect copyright.PENANAcHDe8mispm
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。144Please respect copyright.PENANAuK91EA8QDr
144Please respect copyright.PENANAisTsGxvxfC
以為。144Please respect copyright.PENANAvL63s98G16
144Please respect copyright.PENANA8grmqkLDZA
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。144Please respect copyright.PENANAcRcpNhoFLF
144Please respect copyright.PENANA0CPXOB7aFd
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。144Please respect copyright.PENANAPbz2Q3eE5M
144Please respect copyright.PENANAeQzGn2Fp8R
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!144Please respect copyright.PENANAktlW9RlYuT
144Please respect copyright.PENANAdxI4hnYTa5
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。144Please respect copyright.PENANAIbmKKTfHqz
144Please respect copyright.PENANAf3Phn6MsxE
我的作品感動了我。144Please respect copyright.PENANAkd1v6Neznq
144Please respect copyright.PENANApt0tUttHED
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。144Please respect copyright.PENANA2spN3JyI4G
144Please respect copyright.PENANA2kEtRQZ2nO
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。144Please respect copyright.PENANA0Q7bropaeS
144Please respect copyright.PENANAB00l9bsjul
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。144Please respect copyright.PENANAFzmVdMQnud
144Please respect copyright.PENANAdEbPc4eBY0
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……144Please respect copyright.PENANA2fTMR3y2h9
144Please respect copyright.PENANAQnjI169BKe
熱茶又涼了。144Please respect copyright.PENANAZv1XhLj5qb
144Please respect copyright.PENANAldtnO2orGC
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。144Please respect copyright.PENANA01mvbiQrht
144Please respect copyright.PENANAKTnxGcte03
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。144Please respect copyright.PENANAYFrMABjDYM
144Please respect copyright.PENANA6Vx9lfXnyS
我的作品只感動了我。144Please respect copyright.PENANAmE7diYBJBk
144Please respect copyright.PENANASq4y3J4h6K
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。144Please respect copyright.PENANAEAoT3XyWmm
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.71.254.221da2