「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIW9X16PBKG
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScTykAENWp
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmTwyhQbDL
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5IpsbKOic
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywapoHHnL5
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhIb0Xj0Fk
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu56UvJpk0F
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg794RhBHy
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszdzOlKLen
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbvJ4fnwQC
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG09UfS5xN
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMLmwTXZGH
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdHneZDuw5
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5Qgy1k5Ra
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUl2UV1wmNt
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sEoKK4yVi
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3Ycl4wA8c
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5pmgD106g
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimD3929smK
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDhrEqLoYu
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvBDcHZODR
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuIBbNyPlt
咔——341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiprgSWNUg
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lvgrbRbIV
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bSdfJsKUx
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwspwPnAOsr
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnsasjDJLF
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5kd4zUHi4
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRJNzmyhee
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0l15J9tTw
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4cWORDDhi
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Mk4wgwduz
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t1fuHo5uP
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FXHurDIJc
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjD4ploJEyj
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6hFP2qrWN
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr8VFvIHbY
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArTGANlOXS
至少三十年。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvfNBhQGj4
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA62p6nnTc0
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGIg7u1ayf
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfKE41jh5g
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGp5yFhY6CE
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgjOJh7R3n
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStUcvGlUs9
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOoiqyxmgk
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlcM6sdfni
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJNPvCTHh7
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGum20Ygs6o
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrLAf6QV5k
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3k9hlEJ4U
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrGZNX3hd4
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiA6aw6ABV
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTaBijLMPf
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcREdTZvMpY
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOXa26tUpy
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDM85e6807
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMh2LYMwAYT
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvKK9kVMwo
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0Eet1YQGc
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKBHs4gBPU
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHKReQqU2b
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuNsDwSDDo
感動退散，惡意再生。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHw6AWOxWcu
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQPg4YUhKV
缺失很多，要求更多。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvE6wNDhMj
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1d52ISi1W
缺失愛，索求愛。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvICNIheyzz
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUvg8T208t
變本加厲。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX70DpVSEHR
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5To3IsrC2
理所當然。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvRqzHToPh
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjumTi7F8J
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthwXU7RpYz
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxunonyC2S
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNQaCoWMir
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxNiVqg35x
沒有永遠的愛。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6AMrv8MgP
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLpZFh3fkc
缺失愛，索求愛。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQxKQznCCh
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgSJ0eiPr9
鳳姐索價三百元。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMfOTgU5y5
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7CoX8HH6f
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXLj6LutnA
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPXGedlFpt
完事。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhP22tBrmM7
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbbeUXxzM1
一切歸空。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMYraYbLfU
341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6m6dtvmIi
理所當然。341Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLlQ6r7rF7
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns18.219.92.7da2
