「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI60s4dQrfM
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJKalccJTZ
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEX5DUdKR1
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomFjR9p7FR
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjb9SH3eHF
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgagYOlbu8
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOj3LTDENn
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYqsaIXI2T
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKHZCpP3bo
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yAYJ68Zw3
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvRgIJh7Ee
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡci8bRqsAqg
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCK0w45naNp
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFayAyh14AO
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRQ5lVADNB
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNixadQJHSB
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1zm5uaQZ7
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2XeaTpWPu
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmyQEkgnSU
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30Ei28mSG8
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzE1MXoyV7
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5aMpb5xLu
咔——380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBTYQOAt60
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8koQutrApN
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbDXqXtmCX
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPezBwvptwT
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8IeADo2o4
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9nlQqPTL5
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpWZn2l8nT
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaZYbXJtEB
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMDamBJBlT
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLxH1xS5sC
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4azbKuAhLx
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEgtlEb3J7
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Gx4aFaEne
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJNG5hVIbc
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVNKvNvLPe
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYd1BzPpnfi
至少三十年。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6S41MsgLzC
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs21DWcVjJN
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6NisXWVxt
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TXWPVExKx
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEmVfPrAEn
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JjkSmoegH
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnUxrCmuhv
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscfLPdSu7b
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0vS10iKdB
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqey7R3g3C
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqK3kA37Ik5
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HijgkvxlP
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJ0LoOL2ba
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvqQLqwrMM
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFhNzEqNwa
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONMgQQzI2C
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkF5OLmGX9
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9i81tMUHp
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlImU4C4JNx
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBAiu4Q4vc
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4o4y2iLN7z
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsselYqzpgd
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4WLRro17T
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8NxPQVNvF
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbmcbUgWRU
感動退散，惡意再生。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoaJtEvcKY
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNBnnngDJ6
缺失很多，要求更多。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxwQQMpzKj
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUqJrlsEWU
缺失愛，索求愛。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFXqvzO3Em
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5CWxjLtVq
變本加厲。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpI84Damwt
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDd6VwJYfyW
理所當然。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmkYYpZbdF
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLvyGrKYik
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKvzoFs6YH
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqU3vblRHTS
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmWxLuHRkg
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrxAtU4LKe
沒有永遠的愛。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gqGZCgNFq
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwy3OsItHNT
缺失愛，索求愛。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT58dZ0rDn7
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgomT4Bm0gD
鳳姐索價三百元。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiBFlz74UY
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4wwyiRqO7
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7FFZm7BQI
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6UegUXqe6
完事。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YqmiV1Jkr
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsv6yEON44D
一切歸空。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO92zAVmHPk
380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBapStMju7E
理所當然。380Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYozjEWsEtN
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns216.73.216.45da2
