「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkbGn1L4i0
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8y3tzl3Ty
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pFhJ1p6x7
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixVGkjrUCH
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5PaJDGAbj
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXOeCocJ1q
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuldsj5P62
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PRtFGac1I
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoio4XTiMD
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FlzrD5uja
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzCQYyA7pb
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcixZvO7WRK
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoWkip70D3
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqxbQHWDjY
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRth9A2gCH
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuVuSQKAuO
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGn7ndJyCB8
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJw0a80g7xb
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tRXLG391M
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqa6tp8YLz
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjzaTkgVnQ
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFL6Um6EKRq
咔——147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0PHSgvnis
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24Zb06qkEk
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXiDJqN3rq
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6Ju9boUyj
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdWG6xD7EY
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR56coDYN3
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHBzKZrZo1
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5SQe5kBqD
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw44QNaOQvW
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6Hjc1elpU
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAC7LqK4mb
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2A228DqlWd
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6G5I0vZZBR
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFecUKrbXY
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzj0hMZ6DX
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5Q3e5y5cH
至少三十年。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIPzjP5fpl
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXEf4s4UoW
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPVUaaMTSN
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizfKJgLxvq
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXwS8h4w7S
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSHip7tJg0
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNF41U1yvMg
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsRswHRCZq
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LTBLkOaft
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPNSKpJw9j
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrbROrwg1x
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqzxanDuXn
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIv5cH773W
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7LIOSZMvU
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnfUgA2EDF
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGcBEde23G
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxb5GNgi39
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpaRG3Gu8U
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AlCfazX06
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAbz1Oumxm
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdzorkvWTi
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjHhbFPGFQ
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeA7T0zaXv8
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1bZisB6oj
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5gqZMdjL1
感動退散，惡意再生。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9W5edFErX
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyjT0L1UGC
缺失很多，要求更多。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hfHLOZTiM
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YdCZRsFHy
缺失愛，索求愛。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmPPe4Hc0m
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHQktVTIUH
變本加厲。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUiMcNF8he
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI00asQKx9V
理所當然。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdqhK24gNA
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjQJOHuJ8H
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVM1Blm7PK
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbGudcEMl0
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OwoxAAbGb
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJdt2LH4vX
沒有永遠的愛。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXNR23XtOD
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W5gzXkg4s
缺失愛，索求愛。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEuWFkH85j
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEhJPWDfhG
鳳姐索價三百元。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYCbTX4g5C
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2TXpRxyBw
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPb56HG4ns7
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhQQfLjBAb
完事。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiA5LLfEamh
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4lf29dyHL
一切歸空。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDTqGkFEkj
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLSIIOQN3k
理所當然。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtZwz3g8RV
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns 172.69.59.20da2
