「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2SEebGl23
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLJ0vUTcCT
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBQqcCL1xr
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78anHPLViS
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfF4YorHNAe
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgjxIF7CW0
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKA2fsNRpVm
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxlr4EKRu0
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47TAC9RtzU
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4vBusJ8mx
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkFp4KtHpL
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytcWsDhLO6
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsRi1NLinS
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW6l6cCWeQ
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAk7VMegHC
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWEgnDhOMW
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIpeP4LWXP
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTsS5bKgZN
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpK0Ce3cIM
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbo8vSfgzuP
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLxoHhXS3M
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSt3mnls5UP
咔——340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbE90P1LbMd
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRziDKU1Hcj
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJynTkALFX
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlR4W549dB
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKp8s1XOmyp
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2z8S4xp2vR
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20KdcmRINF
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37Sa8mQy7k
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUr1CeFS0jV
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYue1Y14tmI
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXdNLf1pDb
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzJtuXFJ8Z
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDk97qvdr1F
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7XSV66wNg
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjof2Baszo
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40jsfVVyMD
至少三十年。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXu3vQ5veR
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSf3yqXLMN
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hecuk8IwF
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkUYLqXQ3q
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGTgCf601s
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6p4p6qzN3
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AnwOvMKqH
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeECTfjTmpk
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3N4Ot2zSW
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaLOWyfJpo
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7pbLTAu1O
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KnIiqUEKR
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EuvcukV55
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNkWFZq8Pi
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMq8EYlAYn
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8culvh0HM4
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrhax1Nd6I
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKvSiO4zTD
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmo6BGS1OHq
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyqEHXotDd
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFITT9rKnR
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh17UVrlopc
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhojhWBTVuh
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhRYKwXaLm
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJwsSsz3xQ
感動退散，惡意再生。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqeg7XrapT
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleP8TY5Rdl
缺失很多，要求更多。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oUHcevjgS
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZllcCnvP5g
缺失愛，索求愛。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjiME1VRBQ
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOst6BgJEC
變本加厲。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMe8i8MBMri
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZJs7T0gik
理所當然。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIeFvT3lCL
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjaHRJj7WX
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36bRzytkwP
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVWj9cX9uJ
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNP8UhvMown
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZobPLcwi2
沒有永遠的愛。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCef53cPaRq
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzWBe6a4Pq
缺失愛，索求愛。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCnFfiRsjK
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQtmMkeBNF
鳳姐索價三百元。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrdl8CIdBn
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHmkJrY1n9
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRv2IrhlmkS
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6ekjjA4hz
完事。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwJJqfq2NF
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uUI9Vwuv7
一切歸空。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFAQB5kEhl
340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEyrd8pAYE
理所當然。340Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1ApA7Aahc
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns18.117.240.120da2
