（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxrwGbJifR
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WgVKam0rd
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9a7l1mBCj
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtogf32HlQz
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我滿意點頭。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0tB7yCMOb
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9O2igGUc7o
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSUemJo7Za
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChUFAvYNwo
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVyXVcqbnf
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOemA6lARy
「不知貴不貴？」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2YU9F7ItN
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDN5MzwVPwe
「應該還好。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieQVl0mdJ0
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYgbHsDB36
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnd0AhODOHS
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMziJD7nUj
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxWUCDsU4u
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKQ0i0gkid
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqli3UIQiea
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我震驚了。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SJgJwnnSF
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfNYl2pkqw
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtXI2opecv
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPkxH5Sxul
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuXy0KQiW2
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBGsPoxZlg
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uZtkBp0jB
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepuIzfq3uC
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVHvSabmQw
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What the hell?773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeph9jUAgZt
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQ5b4SWnBp
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxlIonJTJV
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqBzwF6WA5
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPi2eafmub
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嘶——773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTfYCDx4Ba
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我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLVQsISEDP
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxs4sTkxgY
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdp059cpeT
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdDI3J94w4
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamn0KkKjYv
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjGBshLfEv
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AwwNHTZ2j
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKk5uV7HmDy
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26RPsiDIlF
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAqEi2xhSv
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIeiCSFgWQ
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUqmFPxoiM
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDduwUaP4g
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxJsRjU48X
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDqDUJSrJE
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然而高個子不為所動！773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1bmHQGB1e
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我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8NU7PJ0g0
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ANqF5WyyZ
高個子依然面不改色！773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cJamBSrMr
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0JzCASjiZ
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fklNu8J08
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1VOVW7LO7
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGylje2N0wj
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這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5i6rTiRFCv
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYD9bbTXo6
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUES0AQsea
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCWvVXDi2W
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35MgAI31bj
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXWZYr5EJD
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8FucVi8Kx
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZ7Jz502Ye
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6XxjicLtN
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQpuEDVH1z
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RL9sbzOKi
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzyQbED3VH
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7x1mXn0ri
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxh0cc5KYqj
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYNu5zJfkO
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN8pqNTXft
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Q4x5VO3nn
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7Pc1Npdzs
「所以不能吃嗎？」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8HKzohVs1
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「不能，吃了就沒用了。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvyCmoAQrq
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「但我餓了。」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4kEPEtasL
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「……」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxF08NE5af
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHRLa9chqC
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哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf27skJdUr
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2yrCN2nqC
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcAAEZGkhl
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhjVD69Zc1
「小語……小語……」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3exGyVsKR1
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Gya——773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhk9morTpXn
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKZuUh5jkg
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They are fucking gay!773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeL8DGZSXF
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91E6PEeS7A
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLjfMde5nc
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKArFV1qOMP
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNpfSyfcsN
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2axeTc9uS
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOGz7WZpxP
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9g9u069jg
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0dFNH1XDG
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGI0C6gAnc
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8qrp22kW8
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1mP1IIRvX
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43uwutxR3e
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkefPPk1c3
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXWCRKe6zX
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWnYaWTPoH
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKEBjaSRPT
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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