（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcC5OnVvuYt
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡch7uXr6X65
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VqdGugMfU
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ftHgUDZIq
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmi363ateBa
我滿意點頭。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BVcNPfCQd
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfHfsd7L7q
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXJgxMiJxr
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYPaRsrVw5
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1YFdC5hBz
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9oziTf4ln
「不知貴不貴？」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8DaJKRozg
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GTRwpQGe7
「應該還好。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtU0VxaKP75
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNVWMfkF2W
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyYTpGRZfK
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lVlJgzd7Q
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsI66rMyBR
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNkFgKccqP
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHKyBhwbFq
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnHCD2L2bQ
我震驚了。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYjeFnwIvz
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCH8J95Qql8
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQIIW7qsps
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ziHeCfnFB
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNT2Fjo1MJm
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ00boB2zmn
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzu2ogdpmrF
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjXQZ4T0QL
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkfu3iCvMN
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaUICg0tkU
What the hell?860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8WtlbLzX2
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuUSf9FtjQ
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzMKfT03C0
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgruJbFGtzY
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzU5xm51ub
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWMg7Ghaf6
嘶——860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5jp3QBLdT
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlqH9YlcFN
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiwpwRkWbi
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0mHCjzzdt
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ziFBbsPAX
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4x0WcT1CG
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeZdIf29E9
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6aC9F0rxL
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbzUhKmZeh
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0AbkkF5op
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBRmKcfrwI
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVuiOMG9hO
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqpNW5XvHi
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYViia189z2
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNV0LydXTQ
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEi12Jn5zwl
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ekcwxcV01
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2Bm8v3iUX
然而高個子不為所動！860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKeKZpLeTD
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DHcYxLIMO
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMvx6O2x8G
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgi6bpdfKd
高個子依然面不改色！860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXjtPEOflT
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCn74OoCOz
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxscewudUu
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN06oKjcxn
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTpyuzjBVe
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvaEwxOG8Y
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgYDgzQwFW
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1MyjSRwG3
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCY8NO1Xgk1
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjPmbovsLb
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXvwSsVFh6
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqw0NSeEmV
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0nPWA9Pdh
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FWf33MWTq
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgn7lrjouPg
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCjQkh8wGm
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1MUI3Ncly
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQdgS1tCVH
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0l0q7k87a
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLgM4nJgNN
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2koAhABDd
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNQhODEDjU
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvg8gbClqK
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjPVnSb0X5
「所以不能吃嗎？」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQHS4GFX2C
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn45chGRRir
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4iEaLIg3y
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC9uGXy0tm
「但我餓了。」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzpRTAgNkT
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IqeJ2Hal8
「……」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmte7m37O9l
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWC0EdFQaVj
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1YfV52xlc
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkyLKdnQBU
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp9lnxFB20
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMns03qUkg
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BJA5xT5Mg
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNg8TY9BJQA
「小語……小語……」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf7OELTM4g
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Gya——860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIobmk3T3wt
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYNi8X7b1F
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHr5uaH4gX
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcoZG0T1iW
They are fucking gay!860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9ML3tVT18
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRY6qeWO9Dh
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhggFtSNslA
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLwen5EIhH
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtCGVRoaOJ
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5dP7t5YsV
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSnxgumCaL
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJGuexHACv
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7t51y9iEqF
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3BmRdsAtV
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iLe4G7MOX
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1qMTM7snW
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeNe7fSr9a
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAegkwncom
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpomg44yE3
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUOqDlB3RI
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7E9eg8BNh
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
860Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCYKnAFWoW
