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第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLH9O4iiFCk
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RWi88AT7l
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還沒有學會「接受」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3unbH1Hpv
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接受現實499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRQCcvBu52
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因為認為是屈服499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZUdQMIMLs
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感覺好像自己在投降499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjbVbImCHi
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放棄一切499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jYjYngdiz
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhO2acAZTB
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6o6J2keiFU
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認為是這樣子的狂妄499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANkPoIyTT1
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無他499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4D6R9QLZIe
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說是愚痴也不過份499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphdrBZBiYS
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只是她不相信499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzBHPi83gj
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懷疑499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFfKsB4rHg
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她⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlPxT4TxKO
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「⋯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwFlM3tJBv
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmvnYPyHLI
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單單是想像也有夠不安499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0mH99Ndee
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtisEAt8OG
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但若論為什麼會對其驚訝499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ0LpsJACH
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唯一句499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJhypT4vLn
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當局者迷，旁觀者清499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GWf54Uvpt
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EpSsHXJMC
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2ATbZdPEj
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sZhu04cYr
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且不死，無法殺死499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JemkBzLJM
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——————499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpK8HwNMmu0
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人家已經很盡力了499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14IeePJvt6
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzl5gAtw6d
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憤怒499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYth4b7xwRq
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtL41wT60oh
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因為我沒有用499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77rvRe3pEf
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zVHYdPZeR
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「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pwXXktnQr
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「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaziYuYyXkf
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進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jASsmZrj9
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh19wYo9Sz4
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTRfMHxvpC
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkrB1jAum9
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQzi86BnsR
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZqxutIiRX
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBQYSswkFF
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1Yd7gzfbv
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太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrdpmt87dV
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已經失眠了多久？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2KmgwM6HE
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCv5fYMUqLw
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHG2pv2xoRs
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOllf1CUbS
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43TuPTaCtD
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS31WkwzRkM
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbYr8OoC9E
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe36uVfvV7R
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrP1KrNo4tb
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUBhVLAiEF
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0J6joMEvtv
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQFilTA5uO
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——呀？
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嗯？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsZmsr1aJn
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又是這樣
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難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rxtRkl9iI
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UeuvIMpQg
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08fhVRSSAC
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtjLfyUWe0
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCOp7MaAWC
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNZWVmfNhI
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisnvjaqvvW
我也想活下去
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzojl8waAeR
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBVwdW8cqS
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOtIA3ai8L
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfj832v0b2
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sw4sRcMjM
一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CJrNEakE1
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3qX2dEkQn
或是說，我不希望⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHDHRQw0n5
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOTFAq5zUU
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjhD0jpZ45
⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8ESscjX5A
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKunRX1AtAt
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtivrqVZnV
對不起499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4N6U3LSlH
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdh6e18iHF
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nBrKeSnxa
我也希望自己⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiPYF91GJI
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanzhzkT3FR
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHukwfTQ0n
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3Bp3QQ0zo
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t0kC7XXx9
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2p2Oz8s9T7
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWGGIkCzLQ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0U4oiMxPd
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjz7la9p8H
角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHu7dNLJqs
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5wtEVGAOf
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL02xZfroI
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIsBosphFM
「⋯⋯嗯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90eWArHlZh
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV18ISwEy9z
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKE11filj6p
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPwsfTJ3Oz
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11gMWBBStn
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLThEGunr70
「⋯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBxnzlJPY2
「真的」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlpaeYYdsn
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFckRwHiOhU
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRToXjMvES
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslVY5ypU0j
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw7uRnPmuL
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oLBbBdEiT
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWO5v963VY
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptrGRo7wS9
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyXnwbhuiF
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAg6MEgppgV
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpE5RsW2P0L
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIaSxzl5Qn
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwn387voji
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKcUnK71yk
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HCU9AAkU7
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uA0gDwrJL
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfAp9zgMyg
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLZ5codSgV
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDol0VKrVc
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmJykEZxeL
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6egQIp1Z58
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFX8LLyGcg
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLimpWrxpx8
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sQLv1Ae4J
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKs3Tvjmjjb
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOSBsSmeGN
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRum8Eko6j5
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdXaWS9gzH
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFkpVVhVzs
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9DDhGt4f3
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSrJ4j7ya5
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWDdneSs11
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAwrmJ5ebZ
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49h2ANmvLL
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZaur1Ec9H
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkndCSoC51q
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxngR1iH6hL
最後一記，最強烈
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5euPLkwaf
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9pCoZlyVP
「⋯哈啊⋯」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4tRYid0tW
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDRiQXvTPT
鬆口，直至其手到胸口499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIl368zxxu
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0QgErxRIv
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicHc0gH5pM
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqL1zVbKcHy
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zW5gxh6OT
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUO7LgHPkbU
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6IcwtN4qh
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMgROFLOT7
「⋯啊？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6yLMErqZn
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcJ1TtnSLt
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdLXoxlY2d
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv37CSb8MoN
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76sP3sJPWb
「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTLpJGJN34
「等、等等」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWGsKaiK8p
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYIYthCoKS
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNNsvEzBN9
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZt3iSJI0Hk
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4gzVEMhY1
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfCzfUHVo6
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAK2DADTuEs
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvYo3tDqr8
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO30E241cA9
完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHsIrJLTo2
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfVO0vThiV
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiefEzk5nGc
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhH4TUHstZl
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIhH43rjqi
好痛
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DsUhYyGbe
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkVQ71v6rL
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAtNuQJs04
但會有人在意嗎？
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFBIkBPzqI
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFewfsGP3ly
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXioLCUzNnp
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6ziwwdsKl
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3noFiKodSG
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY42bW3DJPS
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3LXw5IruL
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡel4DJJHzQ2
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gNwcUU6Pr
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax0J78DWZ1
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdb13RSMUk
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooJnq43CXA
永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6wi8JMGFb
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcBjH3gnAL
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfAUXuDoMf
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qyI18dY5G
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUW5miRiWv
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslUgiyNxNM
每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcdiqDZpiS
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7pVYZpYbb
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDmSohX8BE
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfm55Cfa2k
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDykAbm5uSu
比較下，條件不由自己定
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNV5q3e5KK2
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BGS69lrOE
我沒有選擇權499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnW3IO5cT9
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjG4vdIRHP0
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD0klCdSpU
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6wy3FFeaf
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgort8DrHAA
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SOvXCz07Y
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFY8191aLP
明白嗎？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVvRAo80pz
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKbtfRL4MS
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLhmGEQtXH
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2t9hmsc9Y
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFlntGYWfZ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQLkVIm4nG
若世界更溫柔的話——
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGP0HSsQ46j
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobb6uADUnu
不可能499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyLyHBxGFo
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnuIuw6ufy
故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35F1GxR0Js
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRtO0kyFTt
什麼也沒有499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlVVMtSicM
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXfbBzrpVX
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYTEpKoPBm
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkLsM0B5GB
在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlr7YpEFZJ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjUarJGtkC
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRvl91SNAg
當然499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQI34cG5V0
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0s6eeaFLvG
絕對
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasHtQ7VnTP
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorNyrzUhGx
不想499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTu7HoZI2Q3
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmzJzApLmW
但始終，真的太辛苦了499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg0OCbqFUc
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY5IeIWUv9
⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUmNtxbSg4
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcQD5wWmCo
思考真的太辛苦了499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmySxgAnLK7
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne56JLnPdv
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfgkJYJLuO
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqvH7zKIOE
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73LQWqNHO2
「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMbOwwlZ7l
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoBZGDToEo
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXr7nvhBG96
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7XPbaVR6H
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhj3ZgaW2N
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5ZjVmC0eC
「⋯⋯對不起」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHv5XQHj4J
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CF70h1IBW
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kyER8Hx4S
「嗯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCi7peH3ECQ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGY7ZOVf4R
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCtUKB0SKJ
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeXHWfScQG
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIBujEG9nR
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGgIx3KOOP
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmtMjNvuxE
「忠誠致赤雨之日」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdDlwfovwJ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3Auvw5Dlh
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzeuwYXGnD
女孩說道
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri4pQpZhA0
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t4WV2EROv
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rM657191L
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6VR3Shr8v
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2NfIvR956
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLZGFuT0eP
是女孩的指示499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KLt2UKS0i
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IRuJVBYc8
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbpwvTuOD0
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL5M2zBW9e
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcuahvFWFD
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBrTbDP9bN
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnSfZ3ozR3
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjdtTnDvhi
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vUdJBLrVO
直至最後能看見的——499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTnvAm1Gb3
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvwp3s132N
也不存在
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrXwYpbCOm
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pU45kB53x
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZEtrtIVLW
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LNcruIIDz
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFti2bRG8B1
但無法辨認499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDiCe4GQRV
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ulmd0eYlH
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx7jilZigI
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77OADOdNew
黑暗將自己包圍499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbpm3SN6cV
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYb4kgvetK5
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWEd83No4N
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCImNiUVdQR
不知多久了499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgUWSRcnoR
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbN0TI01An4
在那時開始499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojwuyhv3dl
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncGOFBX1RX
那裏499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRCSJ7kvwa
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmxPuDaoPF
但有些事情〇〇
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLjQmb8mRx
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKm76fecIR
〇〇〇499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78fElewRpW
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKAmR8eQdV
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ114FuGwU8Z
〇〇〇〇〇〇499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHlLUUp07D
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56Sn06528l
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGM7T59vnB
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshpLbV1jDX
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wwipvuSNb
現在不是你的回合499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCH2SQJMzZ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYyUukQvUi
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj75L2lqpKl
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