梳舟扶住我的腰,說:「欸......不然下次再畫好不好?你今天就好好休息,好嗎?」89Please respect copyright.PENANAkRqQfyPk6i
89Please respect copyright.PENANAzoEdAjJzMP
我沒看見他的表情,只是摀住自己的臉,帶著水氣的頭髮似乎沾上了麻布,還有留下的淚水,或許也有幾滴在白布上渲染開來。89Please respect copyright.PENANAq6Kp6PGrW4
89Please respect copyright.PENANAX9edOJ2BPO
「不用。」我說,「今天就畫完,我們繼續。」我撐起身體,把梳舟的手撥開,「要擺什麼姿勢?」89Please respect copyright.PENANAYKekklHrU4
89Please respect copyright.PENANAw6WiFXeP2M
我把梳舟推開,努力把身體撐起來,就坐在白色麻布上。很安靜,好安靜。89Please respect copyright.PENANAkQ6aovwyya
89Please respect copyright.PENANAO0jLDCV6lD
梳舟把丟在旁邊的衣服撿起來遞給我,「好了啦!穿上吧。」89Please respect copyright.PENANAeF6Csndafa
89Please respect copyright.PENANApPz3mXszYJ
衣服靠在膝蓋上。89Please respect copyright.PENANAFaJ9o8iCcF
89Please respect copyright.PENANA5eFMWU9LcN
「好啦!好啦!床給你睡,你明天還要上班耶!早點休息,好嗎?」他說。89Please respect copyright.PENANAORV7vt8ZTQ
89Please respect copyright.PENANAQ73DflVJtJ
我知道這是他的好意,但聽在耳裡只有刺耳,只剩下刺耳。89Please respect copyright.PENANAggTywtv2Sh
89Please respect copyright.PENANASnLQNOWVuz
「反正以後有的是時間,好嗎?」89Please respect copyright.PENANA0Dql0eXDcE
89Please respect copyright.PENANAfjB8IWQCWf
幹!好煩!89Please respect copyright.PENANAQJ3e5fUMC1
89Please respect copyright.PENANAmPUDab4A83
「你自己說你要畫的,現在又說不用,你以為大家都跟你一樣有空嗎?並不是每個人都像你一樣,想做什麼就做什麼,就自以為自己很自由,其實你他媽的只是渾渾噩噩過完一生而已!」我用吼的,他媽的用吼的。89Please respect copyright.PENANALxfblmxgYY
89Please respect copyright.PENANAPYmgZTX1E1
「並不是每個人都跟你一樣,家裡有錢,可以虛度自己還毫無罪惡感!等到三十歲再回見面對現實就好,直接接你爸你媽幫你安排好的工作就好!拿薪水就跟拿零用錢一樣,媽的!你一出生就注定有錢!注定可以做自己想做的事!注定不需要煩惱有的沒的!註定有那些閒工夫思考生命的意義!你有因為水電費太高然後一個禮拜吃晚餐都捨不得加滷蛋過嗎?還是在買洗衣精的時候為了省一、兩塊錢,選了一個根本沒聽過的牌子?你他媽的!少高高在上自以為同情我!幹!誰欠你的同情啊?」89Please respect copyright.PENANAfGCKiluYGm
89Please respect copyright.PENANAM0mEvRX84K
我把梳舟推倒在地上,但他很快就又站起來了,然後大吼:「你在說什麼?幹!你他媽在說什麼!」89Please respect copyright.PENANAe0CsfYY6BR
89Please respect copyright.PENANA8kTHsgXIPa
有多久了呢?不披戴任何防護,赤裸地在傷害別人的同時準備好接受所有傷害?情緒在此刻被激盪到一個極點,毫無節制地刺傷他人,同時自毀式地將所有脆弱攤現在梳舟眼前。89Please respect copyright.PENANAA8hX1BeSCt
89Please respect copyright.PENANA1Clq7J40tl
我想逃離這裡,但雙腳早就麻痺了,很勉強地站了起來,卻又被梳舟一而再再而三地往後推。他大喊著:「你以為自己是全世界最悲慘的人嘛?蛤?你以為只有你的問題是問題喔?其他人遇到的問題都不是問題嗎?其他人都不會遇到麻煩?你把別人的痛苦都當作無病呻吟喔?蛤?對啦!就你最痛苦!就你最可悲!然後呢?你根本不敢改變!你在那邊靠腰自己多委屈、多可憐,媽的!還不是繼續過一樣的爛日子!」89Please respect copyright.PENANAFn1CAl27T0
89Please respect copyright.PENANAibY2nbJwOC
「你有比較好嗎?」我爬起來,狠狠瞪向梳舟。「花爸媽的錢,結果其實什麼都不會,什麼東西都是靠別人的,畢展也是,你自己根本什麼東西都弄不出來!只會忌妒別人!你這種心態根本永遠不可能進步!就這樣而已!一輩子就只是這樣而已!」89Please respect copyright.PENANA1i7cJNqZdm
89Please respect copyright.PENANATxPLUsdtyu
「幹!講完沒有!」梳舟咆嘯完,狠狠把腳邊裝藍色顏料的桶子踢到牆邊,顏料濺上牆面。梳舟雙手緊握成拳,朝我走來,鼻息打在我的臉上,「媽的你是講完沒有?」他重重推了我的肩膀,我差點重心不穩,「講完沒有?蛤?」又再一次,更用力地推我的肩膀。89Please respect copyright.PENANADQbjy6L2nq
89Please respect copyright.PENANAOsGyXW8Nqk
我用力推了回去,這是我這輩子第一次這麼想痛扁一個人。89Please respect copyright.PENANABxDph6LAHw
89Please respect copyright.PENANA7oGwuSVEFy
我們狠狠瞪著彼此。89Please respect copyright.PENANAqXb7GE83pe
89Please respect copyright.PENANAWan1ERIbx9
「廢物。」梳舟咬牙切齒低語,用字詞嚼爛一個人最後的自尊。89Please respect copyright.PENANAgTegkO5adc
89Please respect copyright.PENANAgzRlIBgTuF
我衝向前抓住梳舟的衣領,他馬上把我的手反制。89Please respect copyright.PENANArZRcrxoq1Q
89Please respect copyright.PENANA8RGkh6CScK
「媽的廢物!」89Please respect copyright.PENANABdPh7KP8V2
89Please respect copyright.PENANA9OA2fy9DpO
「幹!你老師!幹!」89Please respect copyright.PENANAdXM3im74Za
89Please respect copyright.PENANAYdCrtgC8rZ
「混蛋!去死!」89Please respect copyright.PENANASoCuasZbhx
89Please respect copyright.PENANAwk9oiLwDqy
……89Please respect copyright.PENANA8XL5jk9pzP
89Please respect copyright.PENANA4Ul3EaIQIH
……89Please respect copyright.PENANAWQXozjxEhQ
89Please respect copyright.PENANADvLj5h7Skc
…...89Please respect copyright.PENANA58G0nOGS3i
89Please respect copyright.PENANAIAeWxKU9hV
髒話與肉體糾纏在一起,身體上的每一個關節空隙都被憤怒與傷害的慾望充滿,純粹的恨從指間溢出,嵌刺進對方的皮肉滲出血液,痛死自己也痛死對方,僅存的理性就理性在只差沒張口撕咬。89Please respect copyright.PENANABWgy9MS3Ea
89Please respect copyright.PENANAGUc7XBgOw7
梳舟一拳重擊我的肚子,痛得我叫不出聲,只是勒緊他的脖子,目不轉睛看著他痛苦、扭曲的表情,很快地,他也掐住了我,用惡狠狠的雙眸訴說恨意做為回敬,指甲都陷入對方的皮肉中滲出血液.......;最後,也不知道是誰先鬆手,我們近乎同時開始跪在地上咳嗽,一陣反胃與噁心,我以為自己要吐了,還好沒有,好險沒有。89Please respect copyright.PENANA3t8GauNMjt
89Please respect copyright.PENANAMHaV3EfXDp
我們癱倒在白色麻布上,麻布早已被藍色顏料弄髒,皺褶也亂七八糟的。騷亂漸漸平穩,除了自己的喘息,我還聽見梳舟的,我背對著他,我猜他也一樣。89Please respect copyright.PENANAkUrSlg73W8
89Please respect copyright.PENANAKjno54mxmt
時間安靜了很久,很久很久。89Please respect copyright.PENANAyUSBZFBS5a
89Please respect copyright.PENANA456OGux1fI
「抱歉,遷怒你。」我說。89Please respect copyright.PENANAGa2iylwnga
89Please respect copyright.PENANA9lTjW3sC9P
又過了很久。89Please respect copyright.PENANA0Dfy2N2Tnz
89Please respect copyright.PENANA8cNdLTFUPg
「我也是。」梳舟說,接著他問:「痛嗎?」89Please respect copyright.PENANA53L1oo3dsG
89Please respect copyright.PENANAA5v0600QBk
「沒有。」89Please respect copyright.PENANABhgVKm0CfH
89Please respect copyright.PENANALRwP52L7r1
又過了很久,我們都沒有說話,除了呼吸、只有呼吸!一切安靜。89Please respect copyright.PENANAK5zS0NuJvY
89Please respect copyright.PENANAzq6vgGqYWO
「我不該說要畫你......抱歉。」梳周突然很小聲的咕噥。89Please respect copyright.PENANAVGnK4FGwDX
89Please respect copyright.PENANAp3JpzaPgFz
我起身,坐在麻布上,觸感蠻奇妙的,過了好久,才開口:「不是你的問題,是我自己的事,剛好心情不好,跟你一點關係也沒有。」89Please respect copyright.PENANAAEJIeAVVkP
89Please respect copyright.PENANAGRrojFfrvv
我繼續說:「我只是今天跟辦公室前輩出了一些事,才會......但這些都不是因為你,不是你造成的,真的和你一點關係都沒有,是我自己搞砸的,不是你的錯。」89Please respect copyright.PENANAF1ve4W1yO1
89Please respect copyright.PENANAO3UQ5IBJWT
梳舟也緩緩起身,在麻布上坐了一會兒後站了起來,把原本裝藍色顏料的桶子撿起來,放好,我發現他的褲管也沾上了藍色。89Please respect copyright.PENANAkIAdZREhC9
89Please respect copyright.PENANAvdfcEzqOgm
我努力讓自己不去深入思考任何事······任何事,保持距離,無論自己與他人或是自己與自己。89Please respect copyright.PENANAFwYtn9WpOg
89Please respect copyright.PENANALbSzluatOt
看著剛剛被丟在一旁的衣服,思考著要不要撿起來穿,但是身體卻什麼動作都懶,眨眼、呼吸都嫌有點麻煩。半晌,才伸手觸碰衣服,以拖曳的方式拉過來自己身邊,卻也只是放著,放在赤裸的身體旁邊。89Please respect copyright.PENANAz1bHzu2xgX
89Please respect copyright.PENANAMkzQ4EhM4v
空氣安靜到要窒息的地步,我的身體早就乾了,有點冷,拖了很久,我才把衣服真的穿上。89Please respect copyright.PENANA1UK6XduLSW
89Please respect copyright.PENANAsY8F9vkQwz
我起身,走到旁邊看著梳舟把鋪好的麻布又捲好收好。我該幫忙嗎?該不該假裝剛剛其實什麼是都沒有發生?我整個人就像是放掉了一樣,僵在角落默默拾起都在一旁的、沾滿顏料的抹布,擦起噴濺在牆上的藍色顏料,但什麼也沒擦掉,其實牆壁本來就很髒,也有其他的顏料潑濺過的痕跡,只是髒抹布讓色彩更加混亂而已,是廉價的五花八門。89Please respect copyright.PENANAaB8kQQBWTy
89Please respect copyright.PENANAdzY7DlfUIb
我努力讓自己不要思考,卻不斷地問自己,我到底來這裡幹麻?89Please respect copyright.PENANA9ml1T8IPP8
89Please respect copyright.PENANA7kyewpGM0D
抽離當下,開始思考考是不是過去導致了現在?事情到底是從哪裡開始出問題?其實我應該在公司裡臭罵前輩一頓嗎?還是應該把剛剛那個開車的王八蛋撞爛?我根本不該到騎樓下躲雨?根本不該讓梳舟載我?我根本不該來這裡?89Please respect copyright.PENANAPXsJsOra4Q
89Please respect copyright.PENANAWUivu7h19l
我當初根本不應該走進帳篷跟梳舟搭話。89Please respect copyright.PENANAYD5Vsph6rL
89Please respect copyright.PENANA8YS0m9SJuY
「看你要做什麼隨便你,反正我要去洗澡了。」89Please respect copyright.PENANA1aqwKxC5fY
89Please respect copyright.PENANASfuMuhgJ7o
為什麼?為什麼有一種他要趕我走的感覺?一瞬間,剛剛澆熄的怒氣全又湧了上來,但很快就又被更為波濤的沮喪泯滅,我感覺得到自己垂喪的肩膀找不到支撐點也毫無重量,一切像是輕飄飄又空蕩蕩。89Please respect copyright.PENANAgFvQmQMt3k