梳舟扶住我的腰,說:「欸......不然下次再畫好不好?你今天就好好休息,好嗎?」80Please respect copyright.PENANAgMXxIlU73m
80Please respect copyright.PENANAhzLtJKDIQW
我沒看見他的表情,只是摀住自己的臉,帶著水氣的頭髮似乎沾上了麻布,還有留下的淚水,或許也有幾滴在白布上渲染開來。80Please respect copyright.PENANAsGIcKP3121
80Please respect copyright.PENANA8A8icuf7xk
「不用。」我說,「今天就畫完,我們繼續。」我撐起身體,把梳舟的手撥開,「要擺什麼姿勢?」80Please respect copyright.PENANAk6kfvUVAbp
80Please respect copyright.PENANA1zcyB7VlqF
我把梳舟推開,努力把身體撐起來,就坐在白色麻布上。很安靜,好安靜。80Please respect copyright.PENANAXu0YCIcN71
80Please respect copyright.PENANAgQxG3KT7Ck
梳舟把丟在旁邊的衣服撿起來遞給我,「好了啦!穿上吧。」80Please respect copyright.PENANA4CJxVkCtKQ
80Please respect copyright.PENANAgNCIvKMWcC
衣服靠在膝蓋上。80Please respect copyright.PENANAieZOSjfwB8
80Please respect copyright.PENANAaQr8N6iqY8
「好啦!好啦!床給你睡,你明天還要上班耶!早點休息,好嗎?」他說。80Please respect copyright.PENANAMMN63Nfcck
80Please respect copyright.PENANAqxj67dO9kh
我知道這是他的好意,但聽在耳裡只有刺耳,只剩下刺耳。80Please respect copyright.PENANAG2sn7e1NOF
80Please respect copyright.PENANACQj5A0dGBb
「反正以後有的是時間,好嗎?」80Please respect copyright.PENANAaGwrVzRyvW
80Please respect copyright.PENANA0X56YAqisl
幹!好煩!80Please respect copyright.PENANA3QMhH91bLL
80Please respect copyright.PENANANT4FUrSnpZ
「你自己說你要畫的,現在又說不用,你以為大家都跟你一樣有空嗎?並不是每個人都像你一樣,想做什麼就做什麼,就自以為自己很自由,其實你他媽的只是渾渾噩噩過完一生而已!」我用吼的,他媽的用吼的。80Please respect copyright.PENANApeN8jnUJiu
80Please respect copyright.PENANAKRszw0Z9AK
「並不是每個人都跟你一樣,家裡有錢,可以虛度自己還毫無罪惡感!等到三十歲再回見面對現實就好,直接接你爸你媽幫你安排好的工作就好!拿薪水就跟拿零用錢一樣,媽的!你一出生就注定有錢!注定可以做自己想做的事!注定不需要煩惱有的沒的!註定有那些閒工夫思考生命的意義!你有因為水電費太高然後一個禮拜吃晚餐都捨不得加滷蛋過嗎?還是在買洗衣精的時候為了省一、兩塊錢,選了一個根本沒聽過的牌子?你他媽的!少高高在上自以為同情我!幹!誰欠你的同情啊?」80Please respect copyright.PENANAEnBarXlYJL
80Please respect copyright.PENANApnduSRrOl5
我把梳舟推倒在地上,但他很快就又站起來了,然後大吼:「你在說什麼?幹!你他媽在說什麼!」80Please respect copyright.PENANA0Plij5LxyG
80Please respect copyright.PENANACSAJeNMQPB
有多久了呢?不披戴任何防護,赤裸地在傷害別人的同時準備好接受所有傷害?情緒在此刻被激盪到一個極點,毫無節制地刺傷他人,同時自毀式地將所有脆弱攤現在梳舟眼前。80Please respect copyright.PENANAwJ8jqcoOuL
80Please respect copyright.PENANAD8HtcMOTsr
我想逃離這裡,但雙腳早就麻痺了,很勉強地站了起來,卻又被梳舟一而再再而三地往後推。他大喊著:「你以為自己是全世界最悲慘的人嘛?蛤?你以為只有你的問題是問題喔?其他人遇到的問題都不是問題嗎?其他人都不會遇到麻煩?你把別人的痛苦都當作無病呻吟喔?蛤?對啦!就你最痛苦!就你最可悲!然後呢?你根本不敢改變!你在那邊靠腰自己多委屈、多可憐,媽的!還不是繼續過一樣的爛日子!」80Please respect copyright.PENANAlDY2Vd4xDe
80Please respect copyright.PENANAyJ1KvVetLm
「你有比較好嗎?」我爬起來,狠狠瞪向梳舟。「花爸媽的錢,結果其實什麼都不會,什麼東西都是靠別人的,畢展也是,你自己根本什麼東西都弄不出來!只會忌妒別人!你這種心態根本永遠不可能進步!就這樣而已!一輩子就只是這樣而已!」80Please respect copyright.PENANAHoUvsUiadW
80Please respect copyright.PENANAf4BTvTs1nJ
「幹!講完沒有!」梳舟咆嘯完,狠狠把腳邊裝藍色顏料的桶子踢到牆邊,顏料濺上牆面。梳舟雙手緊握成拳,朝我走來,鼻息打在我的臉上,「媽的你是講完沒有?」他重重推了我的肩膀,我差點重心不穩,「講完沒有?蛤?」又再一次,更用力地推我的肩膀。80Please respect copyright.PENANAiDFC3AEy8S
80Please respect copyright.PENANAXmUM8o2Icm
我用力推了回去,這是我這輩子第一次這麼想痛扁一個人。80Please respect copyright.PENANAIg3VPCAtpe
80Please respect copyright.PENANAxicOOPgpeL
我們狠狠瞪著彼此。80Please respect copyright.PENANA4WXVGAJ8z9
80Please respect copyright.PENANAT11wp14TvV
「廢物。」梳舟咬牙切齒低語,用字詞嚼爛一個人最後的自尊。80Please respect copyright.PENANAvcsHZoPO2k
80Please respect copyright.PENANA6hocUTrkZc
我衝向前抓住梳舟的衣領,他馬上把我的手反制。80Please respect copyright.PENANA4K8fODEtSp
80Please respect copyright.PENANA4kA1AJanfH
「媽的廢物!」80Please respect copyright.PENANAR2dU5rxVdE
80Please respect copyright.PENANAd6RNrKBFh3
「幹!你老師!幹!」80Please respect copyright.PENANAt7xJY8H2d4
80Please respect copyright.PENANA1KB5lRP3ck
「混蛋!去死!」80Please respect copyright.PENANAxAivWz7ley
80Please respect copyright.PENANAZRAFMaWthZ
……80Please respect copyright.PENANAEHRs242dLJ
80Please respect copyright.PENANAVridJ54TTX
……80Please respect copyright.PENANAuWWjhhLJHx
80Please respect copyright.PENANA5iyorNTaUG
…...80Please respect copyright.PENANAeswv09Ac2P
80Please respect copyright.PENANAFNRdZtblGK
髒話與肉體糾纏在一起,身體上的每一個關節空隙都被憤怒與傷害的慾望充滿,純粹的恨從指間溢出,嵌刺進對方的皮肉滲出血液,痛死自己也痛死對方,僅存的理性就理性在只差沒張口撕咬。80Please respect copyright.PENANAdYldogToar
80Please respect copyright.PENANAxOXBD68UW1
梳舟一拳重擊我的肚子,痛得我叫不出聲,只是勒緊他的脖子,目不轉睛看著他痛苦、扭曲的表情,很快地,他也掐住了我,用惡狠狠的雙眸訴說恨意做為回敬,指甲都陷入對方的皮肉中滲出血液.......;最後,也不知道是誰先鬆手,我們近乎同時開始跪在地上咳嗽,一陣反胃與噁心,我以為自己要吐了,還好沒有,好險沒有。80Please respect copyright.PENANAkc7Bjewtnb
80Please respect copyright.PENANAJIzuQgoxkE
我們癱倒在白色麻布上,麻布早已被藍色顏料弄髒,皺褶也亂七八糟的。騷亂漸漸平穩,除了自己的喘息,我還聽見梳舟的,我背對著他,我猜他也一樣。80Please respect copyright.PENANAXLYBX1Sxtg
80Please respect copyright.PENANAfxEHdrm5ni
時間安靜了很久,很久很久。80Please respect copyright.PENANAPNbHK6xOoz
80Please respect copyright.PENANAtkeQIbIdGo
「抱歉,遷怒你。」我說。80Please respect copyright.PENANARbcitIMuKT
80Please respect copyright.PENANA7vKjkkFDoM
又過了很久。80Please respect copyright.PENANASdJXF1zqOC
80Please respect copyright.PENANAJkaXA2BVjY
「我也是。」梳舟說,接著他問:「痛嗎?」80Please respect copyright.PENANAAbzKGm4JU5
80Please respect copyright.PENANAnmwilLbXZc
「沒有。」80Please respect copyright.PENANA6lnNHqqqAZ
80Please respect copyright.PENANAgcsMPmSoqQ
又過了很久,我們都沒有說話,除了呼吸、只有呼吸!一切安靜。80Please respect copyright.PENANAxf7flK0pKe
80Please respect copyright.PENANAtQq2Yg6vy2
「我不該說要畫你......抱歉。」梳周突然很小聲的咕噥。80Please respect copyright.PENANAmC8bJPOh0U
80Please respect copyright.PENANA6gmQGNRyju
我起身,坐在麻布上,觸感蠻奇妙的,過了好久,才開口:「不是你的問題,是我自己的事,剛好心情不好,跟你一點關係也沒有。」80Please respect copyright.PENANAzstKnRygRt
80Please respect copyright.PENANAKIGWukBjf3
我繼續說:「我只是今天跟辦公室前輩出了一些事,才會......但這些都不是因為你,不是你造成的,真的和你一點關係都沒有,是我自己搞砸的,不是你的錯。」80Please respect copyright.PENANAeMHbjsVnFu
80Please respect copyright.PENANAQriOJTNmqt
梳舟也緩緩起身,在麻布上坐了一會兒後站了起來,把原本裝藍色顏料的桶子撿起來,放好,我發現他的褲管也沾上了藍色。80Please respect copyright.PENANAtdXeRywxyN
80Please respect copyright.PENANARdlHJQQ2xz
我努力讓自己不去深入思考任何事······任何事,保持距離,無論自己與他人或是自己與自己。80Please respect copyright.PENANAcxiYEwcL0T
80Please respect copyright.PENANAIHpq4LvHgQ
看著剛剛被丟在一旁的衣服,思考著要不要撿起來穿,但是身體卻什麼動作都懶,眨眼、呼吸都嫌有點麻煩。半晌,才伸手觸碰衣服,以拖曳的方式拉過來自己身邊,卻也只是放著,放在赤裸的身體旁邊。80Please respect copyright.PENANAnGHxMpzyZg
80Please respect copyright.PENANAg2lTWkPgo8
空氣安靜到要窒息的地步,我的身體早就乾了,有點冷,拖了很久,我才把衣服真的穿上。80Please respect copyright.PENANAr0K7lN5Mu5
80Please respect copyright.PENANANsBxqxDZrc
我起身,走到旁邊看著梳舟把鋪好的麻布又捲好收好。我該幫忙嗎?該不該假裝剛剛其實什麼是都沒有發生?我整個人就像是放掉了一樣,僵在角落默默拾起都在一旁的、沾滿顏料的抹布,擦起噴濺在牆上的藍色顏料,但什麼也沒擦掉,其實牆壁本來就很髒,也有其他的顏料潑濺過的痕跡,只是髒抹布讓色彩更加混亂而已,是廉價的五花八門。80Please respect copyright.PENANA5Xcjt6rm8p
80Please respect copyright.PENANApAAJNzfzzh
我努力讓自己不要思考,卻不斷地問自己,我到底來這裡幹麻?80Please respect copyright.PENANALx5fFqxy5P
80Please respect copyright.PENANAfwk7isQ4ws
抽離當下,開始思考考是不是過去導致了現在?事情到底是從哪裡開始出問題?其實我應該在公司裡臭罵前輩一頓嗎?還是應該把剛剛那個開車的王八蛋撞爛?我根本不該到騎樓下躲雨?根本不該讓梳舟載我?我根本不該來這裡?80Please respect copyright.PENANAaQQyWFBbI8
80Please respect copyright.PENANA6M5aVh2fhr
我當初根本不應該走進帳篷跟梳舟搭話。80Please respect copyright.PENANAFPbZCfwLWg
80Please respect copyright.PENANAojhidtFVs8
「看你要做什麼隨便你,反正我要去洗澡了。」80Please respect copyright.PENANAuXKI9mHGCZ
80Please respect copyright.PENANATA3TA2UV1i
為什麼?為什麼有一種他要趕我走的感覺?一瞬間,剛剛澆熄的怒氣全又湧了上來,但很快就又被更為波濤的沮喪泯滅,我感覺得到自己垂喪的肩膀找不到支撐點也毫無重量,一切像是輕飄飄又空蕩蕩。80Please respect copyright.PENANAhji6uFarNA