《赤足的庭院》（2）112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5XlPcNm26
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我對故鄉的印象僅僅是印象。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SrJdcqnvB
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ30SayvQIV
因為那裡的事物並不是被人實務性的記憶下來，而是作為更不完全的東西，留在心底的某些角落。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bILDMfbWV
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我記得潮水的味道和海浪等聲音，沙子的觸感，樹梢下刮起的微風，夜晚時絕對黑暗的地面，和成為那個時間裡唯一存在事物的星和月。魚腥味、油輪的廢氣、風雨來的時候，所感到的恐懼。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7tzYElamK
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuZrKxOR0a
我的故鄉作為一個印象，我記錄在腦中，知道自己總有一天會以某個型式的遠離它。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdrpNsUNF0
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但那不是指現在。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbue5bRsWfs
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就算獨自一人逃到台北，看過了城市鮮豔的夜色，耳裡塞滿城市的吐和吸，我還是知道，自己並沒有真正的遠離故鄉。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRF4vPmtVz
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「嗯⋯⋯可以問你的名字嗎？」小舫姐說她昨晚沒能睡著。在平常的那張餐桌上，她癱軟的用雙手撐著臉。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nG1gacmmv
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMLfNkkJV4
我一邊解釋著自己的事，一邊看著她疲累的試著聽進我所說的。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaY2CF5Ulzq
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOifAzxoMD
看她渴望睡眠的樣子，我感到有些內疚。她睡不好大概就是因為我。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9uCVwUyeb
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mhoFafy3O
昨晚，小舫姐讓我暫時待在她家借住一晚。公寓的房間很小，只有一張床鋪。我原本堅持要睡地板，不過被她拒絕了：「落到這副德性的人少跟我客氣。」。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOIoVvRPXz
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHXsQS9BI0
多了一個人在床上，一定很不習慣。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQ1nFi3OVc
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6rEago8Pg
但是昨晚，還好我實在是筋疲力盡，不然大概會整夜無法入睡。年紀的問題。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHc5vjoChdd
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「李靜。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPstUZIrBEE
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKCk3Iv37F
「噢，好娘。李靖或是李欽不是更適合男孩子嗎？」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfdpihCbyQ
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「⋯⋯」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9O7P6GPdm
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2A1cSJi4k
「不過還好。要是是李靖或是李欽的話，昨天晚上我大概就危險嘍。」我說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnVfK4Dts3
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「哈⋯⋯」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3DKrQOjOB
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當然，昨晚的我本來就沒有對他抱著任何期待。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hbRJZEDSg
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只是回想起來，那確實是很荒謬的決定。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4DJGv2FiW
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「一個23歲的女人，讓16的陌生少年上了自己的床鋪。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2y9LBjBUwU
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdQsvFR7Z4
寫成文字或是作為台詞被唸出來，大概都不會影響它的離譜。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Qh5MaCfYK
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYlmQFK2Y7
「那麼，李靜。你打算就這麼住下來嗎？」她問，十分嚴肅的。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoS6MY79m8T
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我搖搖頭。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohZXo3Zj8j
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「靠著你偷出來的錢，青年旅館還能住多久呢？要是在那之前，你依然不想回到自己的故鄉，你打算怎麼辦？」還不想，的話。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplzLtY4oFh
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面前的少年低著頭，一語不發。我大概知道他在思考著什麼。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCSDdQp6XE
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「我遲早會遠離我的故鄉⋯⋯」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49CJH4MARt
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「但不是由這個方式。對吧？」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWZelSehfN
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「是的，所以⋯⋯」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMl6YyaSahz
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「怎麼辦呢？」這次不是為了捉弄人，她露出溫柔的微笑。「在錢花完之前，你得思考噢。來到這個混亂的場所，你能得到什麼？或是追求什麼。」她說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto5AijxRyC
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZs31Mqmmx
「小舫姐，妳常常離家嗎？」他突然一臉佩服的看著我。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOdduSZkBH
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyV2nZH2cA
「這是什麼蠢問題？」啊，說錯話了。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuzk08ZLhh
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiHc6xuisP
「嗯⋯⋯不是，總感覺妳很熟練的樣子。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPidrTndE9
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「怎麼可能。」她說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCLsVHjKJz
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMdoEddk5j
然而這是事實。16歲之前，我離家過無數次，每次都是無功而返，只帶回挫折跟疲勞的身體。然後，到了他的這個年紀，我幾乎像是投降了一樣。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8dtop2rsn
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lJ128NVzv
好好的準備了考試，盡了全力去考大學。畢業之後也找到了穩定的工作。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDvaCFeuSD
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這7年來的生活十分穩定。而且那是不容置疑的正確。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vCuaADw3s
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直到他出現的那天。我再次質疑起自己作的決定。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfN1XIZP1eM
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長時間離開過我的這份自我懷疑又找上門來，然而我絲毫不比之前的自己成熟或是冷靜。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsT1oHax0g
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但是看著他，我總有一種感覺。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5m2yeFoAgf
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「大概沒問題的。我想⋯⋯。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyBIwGzL1f
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沒有理由的，我這麼相信著。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8z8kKLTe0
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXncjAAQwH
因為，注視著她時，海嘯和風的呼嘯聲就會從腦袋中消失。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqGbB9ATnW
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「阿靜，你是獨生子嗎？」最近每到中午，她都會走到我身邊，把我從樓下的那個陰暗的角落，帶到樓上的用餐區。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zX686AMFX
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「是啊。」我吃著員工餐，回應的問題。到台北之後，這是我第一次吃到泡麵以外的熱食。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkm9E8mQ3U
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「好吃嗎？」她用頭指了指我的盤子。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVE7PP7XOEN
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「嗯，非常美味。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYh1MfHnDn
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「那就好。」她又塞了一口飯到口中。「你看這個。」她拿出手機。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNv1MRUWjgK
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pdaohKjID
滑開桌面，她打開某個定期回報全球衛星雲圖的程式。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2WY8EWYQR
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不知道為什麽，程式剛打開所指定的地方是新幾內亞，但是她好像不太在意。說實在話，我也不太在意，我滿腦子在想桌面照片是哪個作家的書。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QafiJFOQ4
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然後她讓我看了台灣附近。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNuyoKj3tP
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「一次來兩個颱風噢，很要命對吧？」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDXsG5wjLy
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「嗯⋯⋯。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvnYEQdRbK
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「可是啊，你看這個。預測路線說，它們會剛剛好⋯⋯像這樣，一個往上、一個往下，躲開台灣噢。」她用手指畫出線條，語氣雀躍的說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxMKnR2UqS
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「真的是這樣就太好了。」他皺著眉頭說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRMA6dxt48
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyhLBKCq1K
肯定沒事的。看到她笑著這麼說，我的心不知為什麼就這麼安心下來了。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLevxa24tCN
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我從二樓的圍欄往一樓看，看到不少人離開座位，或是把書本丟在一旁，往樓上來。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIsPlvAjxm
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicKLOFBwrr
離席的人一個個往同一個方向去，每個人離開前的習慣和走路的姿勢、服裝的外型，從腳的移動到眼神，每個人都有所不同，卻做著一樣的事。我很喜歡這幅光景。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0OgP0GLqO
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6Dpe8AuRO
「阿靜，獨生子是什麼樣的感覺啊？」我的注意回到她身上。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrKVxbxJne
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「什麼？」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00KphLBfjd
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她又問了一次。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuUhv3lrH1
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「啊⋯⋯獨生子啊，不知道，小舫姐不是獨生女嗎？感覺很像啊。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6QhxOOdFR
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「什麼意思？」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HaacsXr7W
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「對那種需要一個人鑽研的事物比較感興趣。」孤僻的怪人。我從來沒看見她和其他圖書館員熱絡的交談過，說不定，她在這唯一的朋友就是我了。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4e5lbtMQ0
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「噢，這樣啊⋯⋯還有呢？」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIQ0bg15Gy
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTlxeR7qQg
「感覺很有自己的想法。」不顧別人的感受。從來不看場合的捉弄人，不管話題或是氣氛，只要她覺得好玩就好。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfa92gq4H4c
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「這樣啊，可是我不是噢。」她笑著說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzi74a1tCFK
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「是嗎？」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKGIFBWdHW
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「嗯，我有一個弟弟⋯⋯長得跟你很像噢。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgOnfRwjQr
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPjNBAgBXM
她這麽的同時，皺起眉頭，仔細的觀察的我的五官。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRSJ4JLEsC
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果然很像。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70W86vwg6O
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午餐時間結束，他作為暫時的圖書館員，整理書架時的那副神情，和弟弟替我收拾行李時的表情一模一樣。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcVF0NzQIr
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那是我第四次的離家出走。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYawkDvvGg
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MBHI5sWqa
準備離開家門前，剛升國中的弟弟，突然擅自打開我的行李箱。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzj2Oo9909F
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我害怕會錯過父母不在家的時間，對他斥責了幾句。但是他很冷靜，說要替我檢查。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyb8XCjBoD3
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtH9gywqWy
「少了牙膏和食物⋯⋯啊，火車上要看的書呢？姊，妳沒有書活得下去啊？」這時的我，為了大學的志願在鬧家庭革命。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8fDggoXbu
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我喜歡文學。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvmaN90V4r
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那個時候，驅動我一切不成熟和自私的動力，都來自這麼一個模糊而膚淺的理由。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSV9ny7tlYr
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxXoqI2kdr
因為這個尚未成形的夢想⋯⋯那個時候，更適合的詞可能是妄想。因為它，我把自己的容身之處給否定了。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhvWLQFSX2
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpBGhW43Bd
「 我無法待在那個否定我一切的地方。」我那個時候是這麼告訴弟弟的。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX10LQd0rGG
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我看著他替我收拾書本和盥洗用具後，他堅持要送我到車站。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQroqeG3Bvm
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrpWI08inB
於是我在車站冷冰冰的塑膠椅上，用極為平淡的語氣對還是國中生的他說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRl6Kvn6AN
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUx1xeQUQw
「嗯⋯⋯從妳的角度來看，待在家裡確實是很痛苦吧。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWx7TLplJ9b
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtz3oArUMF
我沒有說話，於是他繼續說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjenFEApDaa
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfeFuJYCBp
「我希望妳能快樂。當然，我也希望爸爸媽媽快樂⋯⋯嗯⋯⋯怎麼辦呢？」他笑著對我說。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjA23HJd5ln
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzk3xmOzd4
那時的我沒有意識到，他的笑之後有著多麼巨大的重量。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQj8Y1xIAJH
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yn8fMeqIP
也許因為我，他時時刻刻對自己的存在感到矛盾。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl10fLA6aF
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeaxvBDZmg
但我被自己的夢想遮住了耳，沒能聽出他的求救。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9i1bi8PhFD
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJQWRTkl00
「謝嘍。」搔搔他的頭，我抱住他瘦小的身軀。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3E4StgA77
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawV8tMs7Wp
「姊⋯⋯早點回來噢。不要餓到肚子。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9Qjh7m7Rc
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKiE57d8GQ
「嗯，你也是。」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDvMOPOO8U
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UBKBOHWqQ
我記得，那個冬天，台北第一次下了雪。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KZgi3DoIG
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSN98A0h7r5
雖然是很少、很細的冰線，但那確實，是貨真價實的雪。112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk2DD1tpAD
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaydnprazpO
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYs9kcRveT
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzWBSw6YRJ
「小舫姐⋯⋯這個算是小說學術類還是偉人自傳啊？」112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ekdlfUHk6
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5otHlnwuk
「嗯？我看看噢。」
Penana
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