我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9kiINsVeo
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaYxHNxKOR
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdYFohZ0Be
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj245pXIpal
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypovhcXo2I
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ApDTlG5T6
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rNc8p4MEW
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1hCb804Ai
壓力似乎一併消散。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDefSCqDUH7
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xWu0xsFPh
茶盡。我再續杯。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXDpFrecQA
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5YGdSbuj4
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3V0z9uhuB
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagfPhb8PZo
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvid1GftiDe
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZaIUmsGIm
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Uag7rWLUU
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdP6UftkBwX
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2KbiA8yG3
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTa26hOymU
夢醒一場空。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErsV7bo2c1
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClKCy98RfF
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudtNcfWBVD
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aO2W6viAJ
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFuMj0r21o
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpMJoQMO8h
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsg7hoPcJZg
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO589ac4mhX
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYhxWKpavY
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RC8c5TwwX
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3rGIAOZpD
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuoujA80rs
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAA1hTNtnE5
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ULnMmCKLi
我沾沾自喜。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1cu5vzYLh
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhN3rFe7lM
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IcYtYIo8V
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuE9ZhsZhi
但我沒有向同學們坦白。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqfE2Z5NPq
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnuA77UwM1
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU2jjsA12E
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkH8UCU7o2
努力，努力，努力。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlxbcbjGvL
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZA98lbsdH
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ryoKAndoS
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtqCuBNwpc
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG06Ztgl2dw
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gLn0jdbl9
以為。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKJf4dLrah
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13mrcvDNL0
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85blxutJh7
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIjQ7J2h5o
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYZA5ViGAb
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EixvhCHE1
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVpgyJhegz
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbEZf8ontC
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jIOChGYu9
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaggFRqS8xx
我的作品感動了我。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLYkahdGlO
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdF7hDpFo99
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDRGS4jZXl
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EFPYy4MR5
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsckt632XU8
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2O5GdognW
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp83JCexGWY
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPM0GBtrGAY
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkCFRTM3i6
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKg7Ud3rjC
熱茶又涼了。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtN0XLxbr6
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LPzCNF3SV
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnxNZy54ll
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Pqy2yUlME
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFWXfYl64e
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU6DEFdUYf
我的作品只感動了我。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIewByHkJ0
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6mBsuo5G4
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapAXoTkGL1
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.148da2
