我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiCftPac1u
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsm3LJBYTA
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNx8VjVL6j
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAFj3lahMn
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bYg0jfVWB
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXY8ZsiMFl
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInE501WqoY
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOnjz8roAh
壓力似乎一併消散。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1O0n70B4K
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqBVQhUI9s
茶盡。我再續杯。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ylj05JuKd
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡma9x76HYhR
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOGWnr4DeR
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoYDNNfpi5
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgwRxLZGAA
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9vUhelZFJ
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZGtDJfrHT
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82d9NruH4J
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVssfs4DUbR
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58iMDobs8A
夢醒一場空。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwXjMkej7j
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKs2aNmLyHH
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BNJPoEfDG
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k9Jn5H0D9
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ472ILbe3dz
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqI6UKbi274
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNpvfQ4c0i
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPfWd3QXUH
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj28tbywhva
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9waMEStPR
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBm25w3PDY7
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8bvCqr0Vr
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeUOFaAFOL
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ2Cl0d2On
我沾沾自喜。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDkxseJXsa
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DTUqKgcMK
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquZAr0geGJ
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ467WrtgEDx
但我沒有向同學們坦白。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiIdYpIOAT
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOePK0z6WB
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0HoAIS2Jj
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LQx37rUxO
努力，努力，努力。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQ4BBRI7VQ
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaY9gxz6fDB
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyOvgj4aII
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYASffGjhb
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wxKp1iJGQ
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdLJh7kZqV
以為。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9LdTVWvvn
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Zbe9Y63Iy
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6flblymzG
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01CKENQt4T
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNk3QrGP9c
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaFTvm5rqS
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4F6ksZZum
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwaYW0IJBU
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpElgyllNOL
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbg1YVxFHdX
我的作品感動了我。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtX3INbabE
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfya5an7PlM
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh66J2KaeBF
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0R5iaa371
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq67ZJLM5a7
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxsvQ6pw9p
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDu9ujvC7H
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXuCZB17vO
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSiVfJmRPe
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg0v7Qzc3f
熱茶又涼了。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENrqe2RF44
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQblCkXL6d
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFO2geIruER
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zf5wLStrY
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVyTbq2y14
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3Kl1THHE3
我的作品只感動了我。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqa7Mk63Oj
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwRJD1xx2L
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMFitpYorL
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns3.16.111.78da2
