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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpfjdis9rj
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXAeXqt7g5
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5NpjUxOfm
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUoZpQzsS3
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE9H7oPwr0
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCg7USWIuN
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXoZeGh7bS
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFUMcwzkEV
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIooswf6gd
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1RSefyi2l
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8I55123tz3
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1v6nvKOpIh
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbiaitYK0C
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKe2mZSAMvV
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPt0ADKn7M
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgleIPEUrsS
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm41GB9eszO
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALVfEGgIYd
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7oDz088qk
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhISjNfgZk
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdwmS7ND3k
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBllEo5pxM
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpmP71Albk
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9rsX8YOzS
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9buQVMiSv
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYywJ2ETeQH
You've met?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYziCAEszTt
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa7wuEJbPJ
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY6C3Rndfb
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5bnruToAl
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY03w31Xdm
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtunAPjLtF
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHYqEcvfQy
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfARWWJVrt
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEHyQkGAUo
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JuryfQfVR
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLE2ivMMcN
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHJyiJgtH9
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WtxxUk5gv
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bIDbXwBuy
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0rg7Z2qGf
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2uvSeXwhm
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoZMFW14be
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡophOEpq1rj
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUsqdiwzxa
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOyRzTwUKD
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYW2yoWYwCY
I know that already!
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikwOLVuScE
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgccyWxvYP
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1A7TkXxEk
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CYYOJnK4N
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXi8hiV69K
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFxVXquqz0
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMduK1aGVM
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERnGwz83yX
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNfkHjbpyD
No you're not!
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SHARON213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wmwV8VBp4
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxLQQ8RNEv
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8rCnqGpBX
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAG8OmgwUeV
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MkgsjDTTH
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vOfVI7o8N
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWQxwZM6EY
What?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ECM4RhoHw
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKNXcQMBE9
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sHXCpEhGa
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQhuqnxux2
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKOWptXuKP
Long enough.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKuKX7MKt2
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYVJEHz8JO
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIZe0cyZHr
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNDEihPBTF
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdbfJdXW9g
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriY5YertQv
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70OXtYX1FT
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuS69Prxo8
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUC8BIMqJe
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvR922w8yZ1
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECmZAScIPz
GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuzR4GqpOL
Does this mean you want me back?
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDsRfsubDB
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BgUmmW4u9
HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnenIZIP3Cn
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
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GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQ5HUDCrDN
Well you can't have me.
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk41RxzTMZW
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyBMEZ5QxR
HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6wpOqPfwp
WHAT?
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4afGhRrSH
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo5TaCfIHv
GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEO18h8yYo
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyONf6P2O0
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDErPlVZxwt
But...
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMT3FNvQlNG
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
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CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW3CXlwweQ
But...
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbv3uAwzWyU
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAVwrKF287
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzI3MXwmnE
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HARRY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEi0584FOdh
Gregory?
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKmRa8zn8X
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
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HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CwQeBJxXz
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6IA3mAVK1
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GREGORY213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKRbTQ05hc
Of course you are!
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The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
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CHANTAL213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiqWUqhWTB
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Xuu3VlYTc
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rObs7clY2
THE END
ns216.73.216.86da2
