Denial.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMoV8cIkpK
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtxLE1eUbH
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOpbMRrGbE
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqIKIkctwf
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULZaD5zM2Q
"I'm fine," I stressed.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6JWCNVKCZ
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhZPgt0WDR
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTyVifn2PO
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9KVgUzc3x
***434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwYE4qxBcq
Anger.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSWIWcUTIz
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFL8NBP1hLR
Things are always easy when you're a kid.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QxHKD7YlZ
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG62hcV9O62
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwWC7WkLiQ
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpgQlaGqtr
"Clara?"434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCOkalTMdU
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxVQVvDF2I
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbqBmSl9PC
"When can I go home?" I asked.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcJZ1fE8jr
He sighed. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf8EaMmdz5
"Well?"434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9hJoqoZ87
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWUMgoynST
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOtdARO6jG
"Talking helps."434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgTBLocTYC
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfUEbyZZZh
"It doesn't work that way."434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgr6JFvTRM
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYANU5eubuV
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiUKoY9Epx
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBybLzWp3S
***434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnU5brWhQpg
Depression.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSpk5Yox73
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuuyc5Q5xe
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1Y5E8pbcP
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKxxSYx5MT
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcfyRKjTHx
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBdvwKdI68
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvzus204fM
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NCimUULJn
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqbKLSZS1C
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq45VXZV6dd
***434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESjJVd7awb
Bargaining.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtFJtUOhPp
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjas4B1Jh13
They say it's the five stages of grief.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2E6P3CQFG
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DzgvyGRMO
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GgH9q8Htg
But now, you don't. I don't.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoEmp170UU
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fJz4fvUPw
***434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6uuJMrFdz
Acceptance.434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD6ugZrUoa
There's nothing you can do to change it. 434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztwcqjzdkq
***434Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQsrAkUBd4
