Janelle finally got brave enough one day to write in the journal, but Boris and the other officers agreed they would give it a little time to boost her confidence, letting her think her words were for her eyes only. By giving her more time, they hoped she would write more.
Three days later, a nurse was instructed to make photocopies of the pages she had written while Janelle was in physical therapy.
At the local police station, Boris, Rick, and a few other officers indulged in Janelle’s brain purge as Boris read aloud:
"I have been hesitant to fill any of these pages with my thoughts, fears, hopes, and concerns due to having my privacy invaded in the past, but then I realized I'm not doing anything wrong. Anyone who reads this did so of their own accord and wasn’t forced to. Therefore, if they read anything they don't like, that’s on them."
Boris stopped to chuckle along with the others and said, "Yeah, that's easy to believe. Just tell yourself what you want to hear."
"I am so horrified and heartbroken over recent events. My husband and I broke up, my friend and I were held hostage, and she, along with others, was brutally murdered. On top of all this, as if it wasn’t enough, I was on probation for something I didn’t do and couldn’t prove my innocence.
Then there’s the fact that Deanna and Ramona were attacked and they’re blaming me since they obviously don’t know who it was. I’m guessing there was some kind of home invasion. And hey, when you don’t know who did it but you want somebody to go down for it, why not point the finger at someone you hate?
I swear it’s just the opposite of what they say. They say that in America, you’re innocent until proven guilty, but it’s obviously the exact opposite.
Anyway, I still had a few months left of probation but the deal is that everything is dropped in exchange for my testimony.
Having been lied to in the past by those connected to law enforcement and the courts, I was naturally suspicious at first as to whether or not they would keep their end of the deal. What made me even more paranoid was the fact that others questioned whether or not they might renege, even without me mentioning it and putting the idea in their heads in the first place. Well, mark my words, if I find out I’ve been bullshitted yet again, they’ll never see me again. They are going to stick to the deal because I won’t leave them any other choice. A deal is a deal and when you make one with me, that’s it. A deal is a deal."
Boris and the others stopped to laugh once again. After the hearty round of laughter, he said, "Yeah, right, Janelle. As if you can just walk right out and say, 'Hey, you won't give me what I want, so I'm done with you guys.'"
He continued reading:
"This WILL be it. I will NOT go back and forth with this state, playing court/jail games and getting suckered into their dual standards where they can lie all they want while everyone else is expected to be truthful. They said any outstanding time and charges will be scrapped, and that’s the way it stands. I’m not sure if I’ll remain in Santa Fe, though.”
A lady detective has offered to take me in which is very kind of her. This way, I can testify, and then once it’s safe enough, I can venture out for a job and save up for my own place. My only concern is how I would get a job with all the publicity surrounding the case. Because of this, many people would know my name, and I don’t know if they would want that connected to their business due to the negativity behind it. Then again, maybe some might get off on the idea of having a hostage-turned-witness as part of their business. Maybe they think it might help in some ways. The hardest part is all the uncertainty and going into the unknown. I’ve entered a whole new chapter of my life. Now I’m alone and on my own in a place I’m not familiar with and it’s a bit scary."
Another round of snorts and laughter interrupted Boris's reading. "Well, that’s good," one of the officers said, "since her next stop is jail."
"I don't know," a female detective said hesitantly. "Is it really fair to her after all she’s been through? Maybe you guys really ought to hold up your end of the deal after all and keep your word. How else might you get people to trust you in the future in similar situations?"
"Because these are serious charges she’s been convicted of and accused of."
"It’s not just the nature of the crimes but the number of accusations and convictions as well," another officer volunteered.
When Rick was asked how he felt about the situation, he said, "Well, I guess I've got mixed emotions about it. I can’t imagine the hell she’s gone through, so yeah, you would think it’s cruel to take a woman whose marriage has fallen apart, who gets kidnapped, tortured, and sees her friend raped and murdered before her very eyes, just to end up lying to her and basically teased with her freedom. That doesn’t sit well with me, but on the other hand, I understand that if we make exceptions for a few people, then we would be expected to make exceptions for everyone."
"Okay, but what about the trust issue?" the female detective asked.
"Janelle may no longer trust anyone," said Boris, "but others probably will. They’re gullible. They want so desperately to believe, and so they do until it’s too late. That we can still take advantage of."
"So you throw Janelle in jail or prison for God knows how many months or years, and then what? She goes out into the real world more damaged than she might already be, and what kind of life is she expected to live?"
"One that hopefully doesn’t involve attacking anyone or abusing children," said Boris, "since by then she should know damn well what the consequences would be for that. Remember, she killed a guy, an unborn child, and who knows how many others."
The others agreed, and Boris finished the last of what Janelle had written:
"The way people are acting sometimes has me doubtful, and I’ve always been a pretty intuitive person. I don’t expect everyone to be doting on me every second of the day, but it’s Boris in particular that has me a bit worried. I get that he’s more on the serious side as opposed to Rick who’s much friendlier, but something just seems a bit off about him. Something in his demeanor. The way he looks away or casually walks away when certain things are being said that I would think you wouldn’t do if you were treating someone solely as a victim and a witness.
They’ve finally decided on a trial date and are going to begin then, even if the rest of those at large aren’t caught since we can’t wait on them forever. I told them that if I have the slightest inkling of doubt going into this, I’m pulling out completely and getting on with my life. If I have a genuine reason to suspect they’re lying to me, I’m done with the whole thing. Henrietta would want that, too. Nothing I say can bring her back anyway, so I’m sure she would want me to move on if given a reason to suspect I was being played. Until and if I get to that point, I can assume I’m just being paranoid due to all I’ve been through and being lied to in the past. Who wouldn’t be?"
Boris laughed and said, "Janelle, you’re really good with your intuition, aren’t you?"
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