x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbYAThBdj6
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLK961wpEyY
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEu40zN7RAH
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7acONNIb2G
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcjg9Pxmm2
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHbXCffkyu
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4AeNcw9A8
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmk7grZphs
為何記住？我解釋不了。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2M7OpYMFG
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLVZ75MBPf
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcDZabTrs0
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7GNNYR7W4
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0giYH4AneX
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4emxLRDXT
其中一個是他。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBz0dNvPIP
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGarrof0F8y
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEQhPmpUbE
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIwSiUeHsg
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKFUXlKygS
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TeEdy2F71
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsbK1LCOeE
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdo08M7oEV
「你遺下銀包。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZoAN2ADoW
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh09wrx5c3k
「謝謝。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccvquLMUDQ
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTO6Cj5yAw
「不用客氣……」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XhB133u5x
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPCugpmK02
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSzhGNYMdt
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybyJ3cUcsI
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0E9kz7qSJ
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDhZevZOyO
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhOeickyfb
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW29p3LIe0I
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5NxrdOEjb
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3b6YowsCF
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8gbgn31E3
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYvmwtM5at
「我是文班許家偉。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMiMzoINNc
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb02v6ukGC4
「我是理班李浩榮。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyzSrzFvDv
其實我早已知道許家偉。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6nZX4Uy7N
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC694IzXOTD
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFDhojblTF
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeFVRd18OG
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHqohpkeqQ
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzvudcfbXE
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNlo6c6OgU
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91LAmQ8eoo
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUheQBlJquJ
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE55DQUd9JX
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zg2xbf3TS
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡke0TERaIbJ
不服氣。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpshItax6k
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpwa4aatLC
繼續觀察他。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWQXuna2Ma
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxMu4adKm3
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7EY3vvjKl
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyWazXykNJ
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E8YR2xe7p
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbV4RLMoJ4l
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4Qg5nTru5
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8wO0hfVxE
我急步追趕許家偉。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaoNvK9eZX
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQJKRrmqti
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdo77NAoDhn
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqKSeunD3E
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6GnaUmIwx
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSY46tfi2n
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kyIiCO6rb
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulYDlcrz4A
「你遺下了銀包。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpABIYQKKZ
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbRVpi74y6
「謝謝。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgeObupNFr
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0EOqZVvyk
「不用客氣……」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmHRhU61Cr
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9djZGEVwE
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTkiOhusiL
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7J4x1jVSS
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALqFuh4FdU
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4Qe5TwPw2
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBZ75smeDs
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuM5nZBRjS
我望入他雙眼。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57mk7OkAeH
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisSZF8RYjX
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjPTWBDkPj
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHmnXfp7BI
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDluyzHI9P
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdbcgbIOi2
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpBDyNT2hK
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK67btvaazy
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T13LlMCWj
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwHY3KFOG5
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSovl7EJ96l
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIhgwZQAsv
「我是文班許家偉。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfDZDUTBF1
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnbSKwQYAQ
「我是理班李浩榮。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeIFAO5Jvu
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNpfMux8gX
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyLo8vcvoc
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxobDsZt7f
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJOeNSHFQh
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDNBZIUgWs
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTcYD7h5Ge
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGy5bbb9hUp
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8utpKPSTq
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmMbzJeQLz
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqjONdZTgb
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2oQjhfumI
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsitSo3dsQ9
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcZt8qn1NY
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4jhBF8KMs
但我沒有阻止他。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmKp3rYIxK
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQNWdiaNTs
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleCsC2ZmrU
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKS3UDTLj2
我慫恿他繼續說下去。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Cd7tJTw3F
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsYB66d5y6
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGdyzupiuA
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKsJZwxrAD
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4wZOuMTpj
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83s3R3O5se
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLbjhfX1mr
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQyIjR3lv4
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjimuRu4JI
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiF2GqypmS
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCri2SeYoud
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUGFZJmA7P
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsYDChnkeh
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2wxgzFpFM
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsaceGRANx
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6cZm0mw6U
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7lZjnOly1
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5Ztd84nQC
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsFBgt0QBY
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQqbRYBHXN
但我掛念他。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JfGhHMxd3
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerYkZIMtFs
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNFM2zioEB
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8BAIxR3zv
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUS07EZe8t
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOgHWRDcLu
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzI8134KmVC
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejT7B89bPS
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9G1S4PkvGv
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41IG0ZIpkT
不要說。不要聽。不要見。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPfOHyNZXx
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZKsQ0ISeF
希望時間會沖淡一切。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY47vFwbqoT
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDSUl6ETgU
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9FbkTLpmu
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡva7IthLiTM
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxjgJzmNto
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKb16zEWa1
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dQs7x6rIP
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYdOxTzm16
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYywZkJxSAv
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmWPxeujsi
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5jGcmGdOQ
「我也不明白。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEK8Is6o7p
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFgySXZSsQ
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFAx1N1tPw
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfX0JrQcsae
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvBKkImxLh
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPl7EtgsWP
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4epSwfyRw4
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACRN7bz73s
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfmzUZxDXd
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8iwVxgQGd
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcg49HsD7s
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwGqrFsHXy
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRkgXSpvpz
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmRldeT48r
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXxeNtBoFI
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUx5B0ZeS1
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCUESeyLO0
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Nyz11UuZp
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB33nS2GUnM
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYKwGKm4Tb
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNKycCTHzx
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMogCRJs6ts
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLX1kOcSjs
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBtYaETN4A
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHgz6VlTGg
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPxl6SfJYJ
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs85rnLaZ80
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QV43ysfWr
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH2DOjAULk
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcCJNf36NY
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aV1fpDMWh
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aHcnr2OXO
為何要走到這一步？230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhnTdMclgL
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjA7zPADayI
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZDJPljGsG
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGT2d4CSvXc
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSt0lIYvEY
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfV5d3Cp1j
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eNWbSVZdT
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXUyUNRC8j
「別倔強。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOsoVMOd72
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDy6ng988i
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1x31ZpsG3p
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHuZePg7Ru
「我想你放棄。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVaw8SfEnG
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ074x6AW5D9
「原因？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBISXdQ24i
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HnbcT1hbh
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9l0lr3S71
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqiarF5l5F
「我知道。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBiQP9rOH1
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9cSSZ7ShE
「何解還要繼續下去？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoz6EnExkf
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLStaEQ8B1
「感情易放難收。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmfnQIUmQJ
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2f9huu1Aw
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfzjX0dpus
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2w5FcmjLlb
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFFO5oZXWB
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhMRhMiMls
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqP04AV9Siu
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7TQro0gj0
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dmoDwxkgB
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsW8Mmu2iuD
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRk85YRpoC
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPx4huIbA8
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcViUs5a7Di
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8Zdy1crz8
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSfIhEkOCc
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCW2KIy3PMC
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGD4tJrSOA
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0yO0nxb9V
小醉。半醉。大醉。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHTpTUUnmt
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPLCMPZWjy
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYYWGmYLZq
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcXD1LzdII
「直接講我愛他。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaAms7srmD
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4kSmNhgeI
「如果他拒絕？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nAbTXa23f
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUBF73Wmtr
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIG0eeiEZgb
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWAct4YtPS
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsauRfbUEsv
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiBEkkiUHE
「我當然是高興！」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeK1Mynfe0
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopDqfVByvO
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mzo2tetQU
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxllXzvFCcD
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7rwMSFBFV
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8z2XgXxap
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnnsAjDQn6
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMF2KVa6rd8
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCngLdXvcsq
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Hh3aNxte2
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO0igbDgGd
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7wtIyCWch
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzImuC5PeZF
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u5herVOBA
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OOBalEwXF
「你仍然單身？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULU1FLwH59
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhlIEiFfZg
「是的。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCEXdA3cMi
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UVzogypru
「要我當媒嗎？」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkXhnXmyz3
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzaVaxMx9B
「不了。難為情。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH92UQ665Gr
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafyEwPFrCn
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbB6fRjcOk
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEUyOILvGT
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFTcLeEIcB
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjs5vlzIjS
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc7eBexSlR
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFee2tiK6v
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2J5cIRLjc
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpqOO2OLKX
回家吧。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h9uHj7yeA
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLPOVx8tsw
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6TYeWVQAK
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJVBqcyZjM
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRettYMS9oe
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaCZs8BK7N
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZK6rltoBaN
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKemV19KMi
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrCV5j4B3m
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTg1TtIMFMx
大概是一見鍾情吧。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeajxgYX0Sv
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnURvXtGcl
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJT4sZ428qL
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELgDFw8R3t
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Sg6RcY8n7
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVkZWcqmxM
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwmTyxRYWs
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHh1IcdianF
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0guxdApWo9
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6rsnhRdVz
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RsSVkbOyY
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3AMUGysy8
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ656y03qsFR
百感交集……230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5d7Yeicmn
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqvQhT73QZ
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZB2bnRHDq
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8N6bl18Hd
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSunddHa7yz
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQovC25Eb2Q
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMlI2ClMpX
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QdwzStFK3
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOuYIbxPs5
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVN7SC4nAm
「認得。你是文班的。」230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxg5RhWMMjX
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvIGg77oFI
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQ3eosVutL
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeT29EbqPF
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3BI6JoeGL
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLb21yCtuq
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLNXsLYdA0
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDIod82Gra
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92jtY0VnXC
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AbGRsV2Th
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfg0kbS8SwI
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PiUnSuwop
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudgJkLTDRH
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSK2FZNrfrP
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMeFUqtmUm
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBRq0a3IaF
我哭笑不得。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmbvpP5qKn
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbQAoXkzs0
無意跟他繼續對話。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbNwfOBRGY
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUX7O7lxnAQ
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcgzLgGxZA
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDbRhQbUqy
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ce1yB4CTA
