午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfiZdIOOqn
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwTxMmWcDi
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXllD2NDeO
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrivwCpVv45
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwBXHAeUf7
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUs85xpPgT
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXKVuv3ekV
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAalBM1vRXw
為何記住？我解釋不了。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7qX2SmnuI
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1yI5toFuh
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrRTKnP7wY
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXJxgIzOhE
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuaUyzIHhj
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB99Yfw9ub
其中一個是他。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxQosmorU5
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIQd5gpE8f
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiM46SlfLI
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3J7SXV7sM1
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ek7KITf2v
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFnyWM6l2P
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6Et8BaRmY
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCprPyl66F
「你遺下銀包。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90oTb6iCcZ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLa6t2yscF3
「謝謝。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKN0GbQLg6I
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bH1Agn2CS
「不用客氣……」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVMgj0CtS9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVmbg9M0lb
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgafFlA9VSl
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvCwNHBJhc
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuco4ElKOP
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXV0lOPh62
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVj7xnuHcA
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5IgOwQw3k
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphqkl6XI3W
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZwNkPltyo
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZktNi20tb
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHyazUq2pM
「我是文班許家偉。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yyg6BkHgw
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjOMH5d8Pf
「我是理班李浩榮。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVZPWyVE7W
其實我早已知道許家偉。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYENBWcdETf
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zv7tGbRN9
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18OHfprK5m
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAF69afnq9L
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx354ipZBWi
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9tRIvXTHn
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EVP8CS5Kw
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeQneHl86Z
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLTKiRicM1
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sn1jZ5gps
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVQjEf0Gi5
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PKhC9xbY0
不服氣。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmMeAO9sNw
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsRK8277zt
繼續觀察他。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeZ3DGJome
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwRAfGY4fn
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerw7k13vbH
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBJGUIwG8m
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEUpOmXRL3
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbeogZiRu1
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ838IqNMK
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RguNRIeQJ
我急步追趕許家偉。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXxeV2pWRo
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pN9y4DKMt
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0jSUZLDYs
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnGBSk8jN4
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GuniRRd2C
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebp9GJa5DL
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GHnT9RlOL
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeyrK90K4E
「你遺下了銀包。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwfo93n64L
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19xnUgAiKI
「謝謝。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAFbZwUNyf
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgmmKZgGBB
「不用客氣……」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzVMIhDnz3
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSApXchcxqN
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpVEiQOJAW
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2xyvLKEyz
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pX5VvKiDj
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYSovuseA2
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7oyORSst9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaBuOM7pqU
我望入他雙眼。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfnntcUCkc
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOwv5rZ6Cq
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVS7Thze3a
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRobm0YJA8S
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLChxdXd1y
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡii4criohpO
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5NtvJDlSo
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZ5pG4emow
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTokzJQNjR
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPureErQFQ0
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ux3bKAAsG
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55Qd7Wrf3E
「我是文班許家偉。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11MZe0NWUK
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FQj2Bdgpn
「我是理班李浩榮。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpxB3aQrNx
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyHh9MYM4y
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUxjOxJOwB
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFZ2nKHkOT
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwFhTA4ENX
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QsS7FBHMT
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoJYG4YimP
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HksKCl0AV
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzE1NPDMmX
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2n1dfoXeT
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrheo6w166
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqueaneyNcB
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RKPHbE4qp
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6nosBzHmp
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTgpCWcvmo
但我沒有阻止他。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIoDrUFFfB
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDDRGRr3Sp
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgV9jzl5uUu
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyz9Irugjt
我慫恿他繼續說下去。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iQ9jwnlFU
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuad2a2ndt
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCvov1do3I
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVpZ7zFOm8
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpqVas1IlQ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtZgfP4DzA
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnVp4ydLFk
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGTuKs4GSM
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIW5VPyRAzP
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YcsCXFV5f
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBXG9flMfX
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zefFXwRs3
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIt8jukwVaq
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNp3vfQdXF5
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2J37Y8Imr
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMFU0dqJPm
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ274DifDXEQ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXqqpwpFRq
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWknhYqmtq
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGIbQOnf0Q
但我掛念他。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGLDGfj6yv
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSRDTPPk3z
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qvLbQLmDw
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0H47fS3j3Q
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLr5o7ibnNH
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDNgZxQDQR
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLd6BcENis
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14WHHl0ln8
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6SLNRO4MZ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUSkTFdx8k
不要說。不要聽。不要見。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNqXSr43AZ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvJvcmjziZ
希望時間會沖淡一切。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiX4Opmp85K
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnib7IAlEnu
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJse7Lwp6pI
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHmA6esTj5
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNYLNWafKw
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hpLoyFwjS
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOiOsX5TGZ
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDL5G2iXeT
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡED6tillD6N
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsr0OQ2ITH
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzc62Fb6tg
「我也不明白。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ulym5u72D
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCx0DAcs8gp
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFnYbnhE8M
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMqOUS1lsM
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcfJKbJwmR
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaB079UhtKI
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUQYviE5cT
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLlh1QDsIs
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONpdbFjbAK
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImvtmhFf1N
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQL1oZeU31
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOt6scwnB6
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoZd63EocO
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgjuMHR2pQ
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdR1faGRPPc
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcW7qRKSTe
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSmvsFL0yg
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXc2pRxczMX
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYffIDmxxa
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAblwA2qnaC
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSX3mgDNlkK
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8f0Cjpm4QL
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExB5BQ2IGC
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3adTRPVLu
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRspVMdmiPw
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerO4IOXDgU
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRZYPqmn4e
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThidv7vpMv
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95MZxE9vFJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXBRD1QVMc
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABJmQDNvyw
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRoglvXyZB
為何要走到這一步？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZb7nD7iUpw
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizOCzXDUnV
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNoeZ0pgyg
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JOhNwV0av
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuaCxthNNr
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2hefT1z3u
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXofBJqu7fY
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EVP1r8hZO
「別倔強。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdyI8FWVFK
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYqPgTRcoo
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuOycec9Pl
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcE2i4MshbX
「我想你放棄。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPF75tFyOH
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2wUwzlh6B
「原因？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5rdiGMEQN
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnpxF8OGaA
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSL5ZyEoqi
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVahmooqSR
「我知道。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwjR4GlN4R
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaROK0isOj
「何解還要繼續下去？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4RROtJnQq
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPosRhp8Uq3
「感情易放難收。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpJW3G5RZ5
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡystWPEeRD8
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8r4iwPxbZ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QpP84uxrH
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMpGie5PuU
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNJgZuckCf
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr5j1Ytr7h
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33sxKxs5ro
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sPisrH9Go
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3EhADk5uN
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKfsRgKJdR
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqNuWMck4a
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP9pqPQBOB
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6CX8exhIB
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jT3HdbGRW
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfRPJPG0SV
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqIpUCgKWS
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFh5kt0n1g
小醉。半醉。大醉。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRB38mc60GJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXSVMdoK3r
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2u7Qzb1egr
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19PvXaYImX
「直接講我愛他。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVrbF1FWzB
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEI0g7IbWIF
「如果他拒絕？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuj4IlfYizy
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYYSi0Fuy2
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XXUPfQOX2
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5BvVoJnIb
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNqAi5FkdO
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0oi00MJyl
「我當然是高興！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaMwNxBEGm
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2aA72XEmq
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPy0WHoyS5q
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYepYvXFVa
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0cIiza6BU
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljjuHwNVCo
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jBym3QjtC
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPl9LOC4vZ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSUhiQ3uWX
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ2l6XFtgG
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwjIvwiopP
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIwxtkerqA
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PPXiBeXPO
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK523DFn3Py
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXiJbcuzW2
「你仍然單身？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWVcv6OVbq
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9qIdejhMO
「是的。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWnZ7TjVmO
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNm34Uvf7nh
「要我當媒嗎？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmZzHX1o7E
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0t53yvPZo0
「不了。難為情。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvVT5O8pTC
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIKC9uNuOK
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SxtBst4lJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZURJNHNba
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56OL8wqLqy
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmAIBZ46h7
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBH6DCHkqlf
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjuaoDpSPr
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBGSnEQHlP
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2Cv8ZMrKM
回家吧。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33WgmFFvBJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNYSdd8VRD
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjrzCqiypa
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIM7wIX5ih
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUpmW860QL
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnZFMI1vRA
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1REzl3kILb
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYto3je8DN
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC56sqq7Mz
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKePwhOEjtX
大概是一見鍾情吧。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdvhmbyWSj
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZxqlDf6nL
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvlrjn6S6b
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2mZi3vytB
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEhTpvOSs1
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ned3K5bS1
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpNjSbl11i
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLUanUhJDn
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OgBrh5WNf
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlD8JmKuEl
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyznGn57PGK
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjU4DwUrBX
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLLi8zwgxQ
百感交集……271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRyc5fkECQ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79qeX9PJSn
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uLRmVlvD0
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eI9SrGZdF
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTWpYLkG4N
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjxqbVid4W
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXglo3JQFfb
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3TAsV98Af
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKDKqy8DFd
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAMPZ3RXmA
「認得。你是文班的。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rbDEDjrLi
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOSpfS7xxE
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtUBzB4l1q
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1jPgozaIQ
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWxEoA8UaS
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkD27JWh1zd
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMTGLK74nI
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡST5OFN7IPT
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRDhi4Ej86
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsp4NVmE8RF
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvwtb6CFpq
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1NHcNTOzL
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yQiQSSWPT
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoKVy1S5hR
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRqhiC0nci
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7D93Inzso
我哭笑不得。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBYOZfC51E
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANUANXXUSJ
無意跟他繼續對話。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuVM5ouHsF
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9n8GW6Fwp8
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgGEk6BrYB
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFGFtqnnKw
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07eNE4Uulo
