在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcHA2hbwSa
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiQU7tTSRF
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MOIER5YdM
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsjxP8JDKx
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXslp1IHO5P
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcR05rfWou
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqQy81k6LN
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWsesIqLdj
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZitJQwB5O
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgP7NuLJ0A
「你條裙有血！」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzi9kW0FOCC
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZfnPOJBjo
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHefCFavUn4
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzNhObOC2a
「大個女啦。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkl2qtfFXXs
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gxq3E2paN
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QOdGpoPPb
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5wwxWs3TL
「去廁所清理吓。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj0JSjIzgD
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLx6dnuhAD
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCIeeFwNyL
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Qt4LtUSpq
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7erGYv6n3
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sSFHgnfCQ
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpNTCfs7K0
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJsVGuC5PL
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzks7uLv8iN
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsvfhzQChD
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uEyyhYCzB
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbu9DyDBcSS
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhllGY3oDNT
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9f9RMGesG
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51apIGQcb7
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiYP9z4EwT
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpW9uXygrAA
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDuzJCyrR2
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiHKq74wm2
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhF0HogiH0
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1RroxLwBT
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSButCFEuF3
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwJpUrR7kl
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdALZzDExJx
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWFibFr235
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSlNQhG2VP
只聽見他說：343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdAt5OqYl8
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsPqLbkvsh
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbcjcZmCEd
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz9g4f4gYI
林蓁心下一沉。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wiMKFp4cc
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9YhLAuw0f
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihaer3NXD9
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65JuUG7pSV
她又想，會不會是他口硬？343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uxWMkfMlB
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7B18jnkHV
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYqy7fchFd
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54uRFTWWMa
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT3eujKpFs
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxkOLHlWS1
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sVKgQKnLx
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwF8g5WBIbJ
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVDRxncpxE
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMm0GBlrQ2g
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC77e6S0wG
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFf1Q3gwXI9
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0sbMrXwwn
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbpaQ7I7ic
/343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMt9qc2w7P
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkxkNjXglv
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBClEjXGiP
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDUlS6x6DE
她去見了周立沖。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0YjsapcYn
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QFHXSQbq0
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzaiG8a7MX
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bxPFkFcP0
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJ24AuyNYl
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxPgkKdEti
「無所謂。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznE6NMuZpN
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrk62EMQrh
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡls0HjwkIn8
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrq52k6G08
家裡沒有飯吃。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx3iLjXjqU
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EAZrb8ttG
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiRja1hsI1
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wZfgFqJ93
「你煮咩我都食。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66MEwLInAp
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6WqEoOAjL
「傻瓜。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrCTVc2OVg
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUeMBOPRbd
他摸摸她的頭。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCYNiiygNj
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02vNKosXcR
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnqhy3w3im
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDVlxKHp0O
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQuXzRcCaN
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuVg61LYNX
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY48Oa0U1bT
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pXfRDVBGC
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeloZIhavm
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5pjN7VpnG
「不如食咗我先。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwxFRfNIVR
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynpxnKe6O8
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlXeKW6JYe
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKTl5umQdK
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PKBvkxoIG
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ8k9ibCDA
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJABJEmyZa
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwVB9AcLn5
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlUe4Eeti7
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEhZqJ6NcW
不過，幸好，現在他在。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXTgVdR5pc
343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSYaBjDw2k
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。343Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMI13BM7nX
