其實她沒有忘記那些老師的臉，只是沒有太深刻，可能因為她由此至終都是沉悶的學生。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zlM6y7saD
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA34LMhwE7O
小學，那樣久遠，卻有很多回憶湧現——336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsWozWNQGq
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Y92hzZhih
家裡窮，那些要錢才能學的才藝，她通通無份。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6xaDLkkZm
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjayCvrs4cR
她總是很羨慕人多才多藝——不是妒忌，而是羨慕，那些在學業以外的興趣太吸引，身邊能把它們玩得好的人，在她眼中都在閃閃發亮。尤其是，一項才藝往往有道具的配合，譬如舞衣、小提琴、畫具、跆拳道服，很帥氣。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H8Xj0wcXU
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYw7HSdxzB
因此，在發現學校有許多校隊招攬時，便盡量表現，希望可以試多點。高小時期，她是舞蹈隊、廣播劇隊、繪畫隊、笛隊的成員，用來配合學校訓練，出去參加比賽。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUizPfZ6GHX
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMiOf6GVS3
那些比賽的日子總是很近，臨近呈分試，她依然不想落下任何一個活動，只要可以，就趕上訓練。三點放學，先去必要人齊的廣播劇，四點半到舞蹈隊拉筋，然後被老師罵：336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQvrfEbtI0
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMssA4jh4JH
「有好多嘢做又點？遲到就係心散。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXHbwFX9OB
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UL8Isg44D
想來可笑，現在她已不能柔軟地「拍蝴蝶」，但是，老師罵她後，她便無時無刻念記舞步的記憶，還在。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMapTp1CzsY
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgUSJTZYF9
七點放學，天空只有一片黑。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YAM2rglpb
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Dh89wd0R3
廣播劇和跳舞都很好玩，一班人，一同為一個故事演出，練到有肌肉記憶，聽到背景音樂便入狀態，實在難忘。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QRRCpFQOA
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CI9kK2Czs
令林蓁覺得辛苦的是，笛及繪畫。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSatZ7biLbt
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5Oha2nCE0
吹笛要天份——即使是兒時人人都玩的牧童笛。音樂考試後，林蓁便被選去笛隊，她還沾沾自喜——一級的笛隊只得三人，那樣難得。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdN7DJvg3hR
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vvL09ue9M
可是，她很快發現，人與人之間確實存在差距，並非輕易填滿。和她一起參賽的另外兩位同學，都懂得運氣，吹出來的音色更加圓渾，而她只憑肺部吐出氣息，聽來薄弱。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ShvXfbFnP
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcf00SQAr9
最初，她還以為自己可以憑努力練習，拉近與同學的差距，但原來不能。無論她怎樣嘗試以丹田運氣，表現與原先所差無幾。單從結果上看，就像她沒有練習過。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdSMVAGH1v
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVbtrvSKpS
她感到無力。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zfTQ0kU0x
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZP6ERbnvQ
繪畫也是。由於校內視覺藝術科的成績不錯，便被老師挑選到繪畫隊。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE4QGSMHpi
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGh9yVQl4MI
她生平第一次意識到——也是往後如此認知——自己一點美術天份也沒有，沒有創意、沒有美感觸覺，沒有對顏色及佈局的概念，總之，每幅畫都是極吃力地畫出來，若是不滿意，便砍掉重練，不斷畫、不斷比較，336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXe0VFiSn8a
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3w9Sgeg2w1
最後都被同學嘲笑：「你憑咩同我哋一齊入嚟啊？」她本人也不知。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKV8ai8rWp
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6t1vFLDqSh
結果，牧童笛考試及視藝科成績再好，用處只能是：讓她認清自身美術的平庸。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6fY4rSmES
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuYV315KmV
從此，她沒有再接觸過音樂及美術。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS102mJIB0w
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DsgowHueq
至於舞蹈及廣播劇，升讀中學後，她便也沒有再碰。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLBa6tphM9
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFIXDBPZDB
校內沒有廣播劇，而她在中一已留意學校舞蹈學會，發現成員們全是專業學過跳舞的，中國舞現代舞爵士舞芭蕾舞等等等等，有獎項有證書。沒有人比較，或許學會亦不理會舞蹈根基、不介意她其實連一字馬這基本功也做不好，但她早早自慚形穢，走得遠遠。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89oST0xSBo
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfz749OnN7
哇，原來十年前的事彷如昨日。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHb4Uip8t9
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhS9qJe8xb
//336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9meraBNRrI
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcPz4yywYt
看見課室與舊時沒有什麼分別，便教林蓁想起一個同學，花名叫「鼻屎杰」——她竟已忘記他的本名。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfurjOQatXH
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrZcWMz44d
鼻屎杰皮膚很白，像沒有血色，眉毛淡淡，眼睛小小，嘴巴紅紅，說話時，口水總在拉絲，牙齒上有許多泡泡。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBtyHQEOuD
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNeCgV9ukE
在小學時期，大家都異常興奮（相比中學、大學），控制不住吵鬧、調皮，唯獨是鼻屎杰，沉默寡言，只愛看書，有時是《丁丁歷險記》，有時是直排密密麻麻的小說，有時是圖文並茂的大自然詭秘探索系列。林蓁坐他斜前方，她總是好奇他在看什麼，但又與他不熟，便只是盯著書封，一語不發。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsGabWJHtj
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7J3tL8aWv
他便將櫃桶的另一本書拿出來，遞給她。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPvqdFDAZS
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jyzPgBmvI
二人不算好友，畢竟沒有什麼話聊，但她總感覺和他是投契的朋友。當時她不喜歡聒噪的男生，覺得好幼稚——拿著一張只考57分的試卷還興奮地跑來跑去，再踢另一個男同學。文靜的男生是少數，她知道鼻屎杰就是獨特的一群。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUodGgCPaj
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80FiIMAm8T
直至他被人說污糟邋遢。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzY0WylZiDI
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoG6gKf6Gx
譬如，到處撩鼻屎再將其黏到桌子、椅子上，去廁所周圍噴，常沾到褲腳，不洗頭不洗澡，身上有異味。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAseldXRaoN
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuR9yLtjrC
他從此起被稱為「鼻屎杰」，這花名竟被她記到廿一歲，甚至覆蓋原先記憶。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ktojrAsRO
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTGRW2jwpz
林蓁聽見這些話，只有不解。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSZBvRL645
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjwYg5xjIM
「佢無啊？你哋覺得佢污糟咩？揭開啲書都好乾淨。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxOmEoDxgY
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVU17nX9MZS
「你睇吓佢個樣，成日好多口水泡泡，就算係咁撩鼻屎都唔出奇。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJtuxr15kb
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkFNtEBF8d
「但佢無喎……張枱好乾淨。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfyUTMdjki
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡks2Ryzltam
當時林蓁不理會別人怎想，依然會在小息時，跟鼻屎杰留在課室裡聊天。她分明見到他的桌子，或是書本筆袋之類的物件都十分乾淨，因此更篤信那是流言。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDezbrRDdqp
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1MYb0JS3q
直至他的桌子上真的出現許多污垢。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOsF36MqkA
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAEjHAXCVt
椅子也是。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGcMCX02cK
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJw1Tt8pqW
他的同桌、後座的桌子上也有疑似鼻屎的東西。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Tik7IRYJW
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHJSC8GWaX
總之，圍繞他身邊的位置都黏附了一些黑黑灰灰、黃黃啡啡的泥膠狀污垢。最後就連林蓁的椅背也開始沾上。誰都說是鼻屎杰弄到如此。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMgPxe30SB
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMIvVbZdvY
班上形成了一股排擠的氣氛——說得太好聽了，只是當全部人也討厭一個人時，便是那獨一個人的問題。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuAW5RBI6b
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghYww0UviN
倒是沒有粗魯暴力的手段，336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7KfTGfMh5
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ije3MIM5Z
常識專題研習分組時，一小個圈一小個圈都形成了組別，全班也嘻嘻哈哈，找朋友繼續傾八卦。當時林蓁已與好友組一人，還欠一人，好友說：「聽候老師發落。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjWntnsCdr
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgs2Dz4OXw
她應允，卻希望與鼻屎杰一組，反正見他按兵不動，一直坐在座位，應是未有組。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6Tfh56rQV
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvd02PAUZ05
結果全班都分好組，只剩鼻屎杰和另外一人沒有。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxHhmKKItX
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCgY1nnQYV
老師問：「有無人想同XX杰一組？」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcTJcacHN5
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4R3bVMPpEy
全班沉默。林蓁說：「我哋可以。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKT3BpCAZkO
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSS0btF35jA
「咩我哋？我唔要同鼻屎杰一組！」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vcyK1Gwk5
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvNlnratvb
這花名還是首次大大聲地被揚了出來，以往不過是背後竊竊私語。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43wZlbF6ka
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbxaYQsnBg
「我哋仲差一個人。」林蓁只懂回應。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt49TrejJl
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSB5leLodB
「我想同XXX（另一個同學）一組。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLfvv7jVDj
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzlDFZbQ1T
「OK，咁有無人想同XX杰一組？」老師問。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxEUkkzrxG
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8orSROhBVq
老師當然聽見同學們不喜歡鼻屎杰，但她也不想插手，若是理會同學之間的糾紛，實在麻煩，人與人之間本就有很多互看不順的時候，又難分對錯，插手亦無結果。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoTyoLCwWR
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8NuCCYkZt
全班又沉默，沒有人願意和鼻屎杰一組。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLzzuH5jtK
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtkdHa9iwz
全班沉默了好久，林蓁再次舉手：「我可以同佢一組。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXyMdHLD8G
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT0ns9QoeU
「唔得。」遭到組員反對。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLBvCZbHmY
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrpKynJYDx
她也很想堅持，但上秒再要求一遍，已耗盡她的勇氣。她和鼻屎杰不算很親的朋友，至少不比組員熟悉。全班都莫名地討厭鼻屎杰，她似乎沒有堅持的理由——是不是要為了他，為別人歸到「不受歡迎」那一群？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW79ayhzAD6
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfg197meJM2
最後她不再作聲。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡum9EFrBL7k
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BocTxGh7g
心裡一直覺得做錯了事，對於無緣無故的與人紛擾，她無所適從，也不明白為何會有那麼多的喜歡和不喜歡，甚至化作行為上的討厭，將意向表明。由始至終，她也有點懦弱，只不過想息事寧人，似乎沒有什麼必堅持不可的原則，譬如道理。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMf2la5mYvr
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiClCX9U2v
林蓁對上鼻屎杰的眼睛，急急低頭，心跳很快。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1RM6rtfKs
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxq8RP5M6dT
他絲毫沒有責怪的意味，反而帶著感謝地對她笑了笑。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHdj99gyzM
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0oVWMkUQN
這才最讓林蓁慚愧。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpiqMU99f8
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oaby3gggd
之後的日子裡，她比以往少了和鼻屎杰說話，不是因為討厭他，而是，自己好像沒有什麼理由再和他交好。她若作為朋友，首先保全自身利益，好像也不夠堅定。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLPOwhvYYW
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1dbPK0dPF
後來她終於為何鼻屎杰被說髒亂。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuVLK7rb2f
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfyioL2FiV
只是某次班裡，B同學在炫耀最新款的遊戲機時（長大後的林蓁已忘記是什麼），鼻屎杰沒有抬眼看一下；所有人都聽他的，唯獨有個靜靜坐著的身影完全忽視自己——總是淡淡，好似他珍視的一切、可以炫耀的一切，根本毫不緊要。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nSgEDrpLE
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4AE9WFsnO
B同學心中莫名出現一種不適，沒有由來的討厭。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7a4su1s5Z
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gsI7Xy5yv
「你哋如果周圍講XX杰亂掟鼻屎，我就借遊戲機畀你哋玩。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuR5sXWqLH7
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dZgnADU49
「好！」有人說。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdysjzqnLtP
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBg5WYiDk0X
「好似唔係咁好喎……」另一些人說。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZdLcrc1m2
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmPM3n8tU3
「唔緊要，我唔借畀你都得。」B同學說。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJjF3pYQaj
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIN73oZwIrK
「哈！咁我哋有得玩、你哋無得玩lu。」有人說。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpJBR8nRFC
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvNhinewP1
那是一個如果沒有看大家都在看的動畫、便會插不進話題的年齡；就算過後可以繼續聊天，都因「人哋有但我無」而失落，就算聊到今天的功課和體育堂，明天有看動畫的人又圍聚一起聊新一集劇情——更甚的是，有的動畫還出了卡片遊戲或玩具，又多了共鳴。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRcq62aCet
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCva0JA2cj
「唔好。借埋畀我哋玩。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXdpVnMe2a
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmzYB89zQt
B同學以遊戲機為誘，令班上大部分男同學都聽他的話，說鼻屎杰將鼻屎亂扔。女同學本身跟鼻屎杰不熟，也怕污糟，因此與他更是疏遠，接過他傳過來的功課時，露出嫌棄神色。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoski74oFGu
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEtkm20WeX
起因竟僅此而已。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUr0FtH2Cm
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9GKa5rEBN
——後來，她終於知道他被排擠是B同學搞出來的鬼，更是沒有立場說什麼。因為，她也知道，除了什麼玩具、遊戲機，其實B同學當時還喜歡她，他對別人都粗聲粗氣，唯獨對著她時陰聲細氣，還會聊些不著邊際的話題。她和鼻屎杰坐得近，也會借故說話，投緣地笑。這些那些，也許都構成B同學帶頭排擠鼻屎杰的理由。她不肯定，但如此相信。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XwKGo9oyu
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNC7CVkc1IS
歸咎自身之後，又想起那時她沒有更大膽地說一聲：336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuq7eCeFFel
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAuksrSxxl
「我要同佢一組！」表明立場，便更愧疚。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdiW18ENpH
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ9hvPJEVY
鼻屎杰的無妄之災，實在無辜，她這罪魁禍首卻只是做作地自我對話，愧疚一下。若是解釋，更覺無謂，難道說：336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ugRPaJamn
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdsxdtEfZz
「你畀人排擠係因為B同學唔鍾意你，同埋，佢鍾意我。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgER6hgQzT
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfNV4hxEKP
何必。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCS5gox6CzK
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq3z36qVkn
很快便調位，二人再沒說過話，畢業後更難聯絡。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLN9kYW2Vjh
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvel9PPO45
只是有時，林蓁睡不著的時候，會想起這件事。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8cBpyw3Xe
