Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh47OQ8bVj
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslGqZ3lEY0
And yet, language is always power.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD9it4Qu1W
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvpfWlNzIw
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NqDC2dhHa
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAP1QVOeam8
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7t8uuPyJsR
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRLD9yErVy
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNuEsZx9Kz
And that was precisely the problem.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBIpIw41th
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosnd4rNGcH
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66YbQUik6I
"Come here, child."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29ONjh5rzo
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqm2jEfyJEl
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhNeYo9WPi
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcEXQfcWNR
Leonora.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtV6hpRBrb
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmZ5WAKaoB
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2tC2r7ZTo
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIqi104PFM
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEqfSfeZIG
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKW2IVhHYu
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkh5YzAzikn
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHl1ZPojlN
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFG9ipsH8r
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEYZNsjK18
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxH93k3cx9k
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpaqWwClON
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayQpLqDnz5
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7sR4e2Mcp
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5HiNErvED
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrnlUupwKj
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkjUx4LhP0
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6uxiqhaqb
But like you.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbahOyHJ63m
18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ldtRuKzmw
