Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMtCGsvRkC
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcdYfG99jA
And yet, language is always power.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxRDdo6oHP
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvawj63jeK
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2O9JONinF
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukG6RhBPPb
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Mpxxmqe5N
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrc1qsybySi
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SlHjrj98v
And that was precisely the problem.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpVKutAZyL
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroCR0E2wbH
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjE6z8SHAdP
"Come here, child."21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCQFnCrM2W
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvgr7BpIg2
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgp89J8wq81
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6PQwJGU5M
Leonora.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pnYXdOFeN
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJIuOgEMnQ
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNqvfjlygg
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbOcZjGsoW
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rrozQ5oLF
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ivR6TShjw
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaclZ3w8AY9
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bedDHYOD7
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrOxlYViob
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WebP4LiHM
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4eaKTEeNg
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8FDO4m9UJ
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBe75WznvPL
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFG54OY02M
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgzTZd6P2p
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqLtAIlBze
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBhDJzI19N
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjM5aUzNbs
But like you.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLWeW4gj3z
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQac8PzHTg
