Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.969Please respect copyright.PENANAtz1RLcBp08
969Please respect copyright.PENANA2qaIpmeBiY
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.969Please respect copyright.PENANAEJlEwIQWbm
969Please respect copyright.PENANAIlyJb1FgLG
Her face remains serene.969Please respect copyright.PENANA4BrsIOqAyr
969Please respect copyright.PENANAuecOY3zBET
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.969Please respect copyright.PENANABDlz3BFbig
969Please respect copyright.PENANALWrkZKGHjL
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.969Please respect copyright.PENANAf8E42PqEsZ
969Please respect copyright.PENANALx8R3hUahB
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.969Please respect copyright.PENANAs7lMsEywnw
969Please respect copyright.PENANAhvAfjo9uQN
This should have been her beginning.969Please respect copyright.PENANADtVFbACYHP
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969Please respect copyright.PENANAW9IGiHxXeo
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.969Please respect copyright.PENANAt6MOTkCXYJ
969Please respect copyright.PENANAgNVxmgd5yO
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.969Please respect copyright.PENANAuNXEoRFMgG
969Please respect copyright.PENANAV9iFwVWf6A
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.969Please respect copyright.PENANAw4H1t4IBSI
969Please respect copyright.PENANAeohMqCLlrV
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.969Please respect copyright.PENANAT1VKehhaJ8
969Please respect copyright.PENANAXPfeMpCDz6
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.969Please respect copyright.PENANAaDS8EzG5Zk
969Please respect copyright.PENANAbjpKWjErem
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.969Please respect copyright.PENANAfX9JVbGNh8
969Please respect copyright.PENANAE8XIfvq8XO
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”969Please respect copyright.PENANAxZKwSLRtIf
969Please respect copyright.PENANAlNRSydUm9j
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.969Please respect copyright.PENANAKaoadRNn7U
969Please respect copyright.PENANAZI5DMbdpcl
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.969Please respect copyright.PENANAVJGEvwBkcU
969Please respect copyright.PENANAkEK1YUO84s
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.969Please respect copyright.PENANAEkhGoYgIL5
969Please respect copyright.PENANA1ujlzErY1i
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969Please respect copyright.PENANA9GIhSioHdB
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.969Please respect copyright.PENANAPw0nSAHpr0
969Please respect copyright.PENANA4swnO4FIZp
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.969Please respect copyright.PENANA8yHhN8jtDt
969Please respect copyright.PENANAPAp13asSnd
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.969Please respect copyright.PENANA2M8RXUATSI
969Please respect copyright.PENANAmIeG3IWP3l
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.969Please respect copyright.PENANAatj0IVR848
969Please respect copyright.PENANApGNIvDHxGs
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.969Please respect copyright.PENANAZfpUxWqzTL
969Please respect copyright.PENANAsLTEsS3PlK
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.969Please respect copyright.PENANA8W5BMfc20d
969Please respect copyright.PENANAyKPNmDufXX
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”969Please respect copyright.PENANAOQ1dDs7437
969Please respect copyright.PENANAYMAymqenzL
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.969Please respect copyright.PENANAMVLQI8wR4c
969Please respect copyright.PENANA7c7Vn6Hbg2
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.969Please respect copyright.PENANAIVmEmw21ws
969Please respect copyright.PENANALQG2rbaYvw
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.969Please respect copyright.PENANAn65m4QuGY7
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Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.969Please respect copyright.PENANA76SqXIaBu0
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“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.969Please respect copyright.PENANAnLQ94Nccfm
969Please respect copyright.PENANAD6hTWJqOYz
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”969Please respect copyright.PENANAGBHZgrf6FV
969Please respect copyright.PENANAgJcugPNKCO
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.969Please respect copyright.PENANAHkIbxNmMJ3
969Please respect copyright.PENANA3EcGbgqlKx
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.969Please respect copyright.PENANANveAenMarG
969Please respect copyright.PENANAa8ZAvggRHD
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”969Please respect copyright.PENANAuVMxtVvGvD
969Please respect copyright.PENANA20lRKyE6rJ
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.969Please respect copyright.PENANAAxw9KIU78p
969Please respect copyright.PENANAx4VJPQZnh0
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”969Please respect copyright.PENANAywU9p2lPWz
969Please respect copyright.PENANAOH1oYzzwrF
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.969Please respect copyright.PENANAHpkqmfNEMG
969Please respect copyright.PENANArldcbB8HQl
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.969Please respect copyright.PENANAKN0NtZpI3r
969Please respect copyright.PENANAy5yugRnbwa
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.969Please respect copyright.PENANAwl0aQ3zGVb
969Please respect copyright.PENANA0G9CWZxeAf
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.969Please respect copyright.PENANAnNk8qh1h27
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Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.969Please respect copyright.PENANACOj7sUrXGf
969Please respect copyright.PENANAaiyA8gIx3U
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.969Please respect copyright.PENANAZwACOqvMpQ
969Please respect copyright.PENANAHpUeOdNXQ8
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.969Please respect copyright.PENANAm6pIaP4RdU
969Please respect copyright.PENANAZVsfYoTjTO
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.969Please respect copyright.PENANAS1UwLHN583
969Please respect copyright.PENANAS6o1cjpWV6
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.969Please respect copyright.PENANAz1pQgPumwN
969Please respect copyright.PENANAmyMRnmTrVx
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.969Please respect copyright.PENANAhqBNqpAIbK
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The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.969Please respect copyright.PENANAj4b35L6uUG
969Please respect copyright.PENANA5BvF8xAyeM
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.969Please respect copyright.PENANAnl1cufQJTj
969Please respect copyright.PENANAixY63tIJgs
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?969Please respect copyright.PENANAO14WuMB4cj
969Please respect copyright.PENANAXQ9YeGuwQc
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.969Please respect copyright.PENANAiJt1NCnZBW
969Please respect copyright.PENANA5wMDfiQtZK
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”969Please respect copyright.PENANAx3eY5nrxia
969Please respect copyright.PENANAUALfaDC04z
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.969Please respect copyright.PENANAsFrqDkqAcG
969Please respect copyright.PENANA523a544QSJ
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.969Please respect copyright.PENANACNcu4hHcit
969Please respect copyright.PENANAPZwTcpYeZb
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.969Please respect copyright.PENANAg5KtEiO9UZ
969Please respect copyright.PENANAGx83UDWNVw
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”969Please respect copyright.PENANA6UZzqaX6rq
969Please respect copyright.PENANAYF09U0zomA
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.969Please respect copyright.PENANArxKnaGYN7b
969Please respect copyright.PENANAfuXxJoIucj
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.969Please respect copyright.PENANAMJDjFHQns0
969Please respect copyright.PENANAzryX9jltIT
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.969Please respect copyright.PENANA5eRLITMqoJ
969Please respect copyright.PENANAR7Yqf8tMpF
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.