Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kB96Us4pd
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Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4T3b7Un7F
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Her face remains serene.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yx36BZi2a
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6snNuNfKY
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuabw2IQqTj
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNPNRFhuqg
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKthjMG2EV
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEcpHiLFvZ
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXu12IB3Hs
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This should have been her beginning.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1QL1lhwJ6
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*/*/*551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseTx8jWK6J
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Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoIttwnJLY
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIKVtyYMU0
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZ07NwusUq
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjGwTrbA6A
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlu9M44GRho
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFosUwBJMVo
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3q7Q9ybGJV
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLDVpfy9su
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhdKmqDz4h
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsBfAiqvDY
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ufTutxN6h
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5r8G6fZllk
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPeVnSk6RR
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qgu1zLXFf
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4yidLblhL
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuh0NWf0hs
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoG6lXl6vUD
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9r03H4Vwc
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ950gQaQNTU
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZNvRw6ub2
*/*/*551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqduAnP9ryG
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Z3sPiVOHe
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2L3yKiHvr
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhPJZMIMzY
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOWjq4X2x9
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBckhSOwN3Z
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHvfHFxdDU
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6YYMsO4GI
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjibm5YUEix
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhPMfUFEss
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWx6tDPkUCv
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqeiV9A0gD
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosrKMZj2NV
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8c4GP3bQl
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxPnOaJ5Mp
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2i88TNIWDe
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfnIw5YMgz
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And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmjvvdtRYM
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevrbtGd1Lv
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg8YwznP8A
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Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNY45dfP3Kf
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*/*/*551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2ExfH8oOU
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“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2movEzch0
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“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiNezVoeM7
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“Of course not,” Megumi lies.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55H7iFclod
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She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGKtvLQAos
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZd864wCBCV
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdpAh1Ia6d
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXLrllhGpa
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dZ75EgrAW
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“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFLX7bsYOI
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruFe4K4E9e
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xkSXN3qAw
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She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4C9nNp6aDW
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Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSGKe15vn5
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Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkN6Kbhd4HY
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Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCs6x1kJKTk
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhIejpRz5s
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dSrAkIB3D
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLqRLxF0NU
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfU4wt8ZgU
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She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJer4K6BO0w
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Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdi6r8t5CI
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She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7NsDupgib
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The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDI2qNu1tY
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Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaEogm9Ila
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Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡendlYz0T47
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But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLseh5eUFZq
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“Are you okay? How do you feel?”551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaCgSKqDBr
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADChYF0TS9
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwiwTd0ZUk
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That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXkzzFfK8k
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Y042zgUvy
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyURXlXFHj
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtr9p4M1SS
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5jyNwGmxo
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhiDYXTUac
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllOuaSkBGC
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As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhn4ADotr7
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But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM81h9pprcq
551Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2F6ukVcvs
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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