Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsJqqSjw5j
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt89tmsU6Ce
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58fGFyrXSt
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpKCJH1dp5
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQqrQWW65j
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQK1XYyUVK
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEj81vf10mT
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVjuuNvx0X
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJND1b4ds93
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUosjWLUBQ
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk6uk8JJR7
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErYnVjQ4OQ
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjUSf5BnLz
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEVSS9EPbI
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxrLarnTdU
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HA2hVLBTV
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6fCKB4rja
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*•*•*•*919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRxNSr1Emn
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkx0wdFNdU
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN25py2xsN3
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eJ5ekbIXt
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9smmuN68sV
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPpg8wcxQl
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS14pbwC1bE
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2s0L628r6
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoc0XU5VKP
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zcUAeDIfC
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RfhEaCL5t
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxUgh9Ua5k
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"It won't be painful—"919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67JHpjw6Rr
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTm51F6earh
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkXComk1XQ
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhu51rQwY9
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VEstiZ0Uf
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweukCenShO
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrI3531zVMP
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVSBWCX3Id
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oPynYVuGL
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This is it.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rpUJid5Gt
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEj9IuSKfK
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77NhgqBKql
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZZQ1VGerB
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsyU1XvkGa
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I freeze.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrL9bd6ximj
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Then I breathe.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rEHYHIaCr
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0krxZsr2T9
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnh1NPpsAUa
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3BxPMxuhd
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj0qxYZUj5
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqe1xyOdboY
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Something isn't right.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPahMpddzP
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyzbXhUR3E
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFwIAJNx4C
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBTOMJSOjd
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoTGwysp3W
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDADd4WpYa1
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His lips twitch. 919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMCMMBcwFU
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn80aRoIGy
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59W9VIWhYU
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"Okay so what do I have?"919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNZc5GMJt6
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8R1tWHMKk
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