Voices…
Request: Can I request? Dean x reader where she has an Eating Disorder and she’s recovering but today was an off day for her and starts to go back to her old habits and Dean notices and helps her through it.
Warning: Hint at past and present eating disorder, anxiety, a hint of the beginning of a panic attack, body image issues. Fluff. Angst. I think that’s about it. There are a lot of triggers in this drabble, so please read with caution if these types of things bother you!
Pairing: Dean x Reader.
Word Count: 7008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNZpM8bTM1
Voices, your voices, the voices that tell you that you’re not good enough, that you will never be good enough, the voices that tell you that there’s too much weight on your stomach, too much weight around your hips….
They tell you that you’re out of shape, that you won’t be able to keep up with the boys on the next hunt, because you’re out of shape, because you’re a fat ass.
They scream even louder that Dean will never stay with you now.
He’s going to look for someone prettier, someone that would better suit the God of a man that he is. He deserved better than you, and if you didn’t stay at the perfect weight, with the perfect body type, with the perfect hair. Then he’d find someone else, and you couldn’t survive that.
They were loud this morning….
Louder than usual…..
Standing there in the middle of the bunker bathroom you looked at yourself in the mirror. Standing there in nothing but your sports bra, and sensible underwear you cursed yourself for not being good enough, not being skinny enough, not being what Dean deserved…
It had been years since you thought this way, since the voices were this loud, gnawing away at everything that you had worked so hard to build up.
Your resolve was starting to crumble as Dean came up behind you out of nowhere, wrapping his arms around your middle and pulling you close to his chest, resting his chin on the top of your head…
“I know that look…” He stated simply, placing his lips to the top of your hair, and one of his large hands brushed the tears falling now freely down your cheeks. Brushing them away as if you were a precious piece of rare crystal, and if he pressed too hard, or too fast you would crumble.
“It’s bad today…” You said, your voice barely breaking above a whisper as you stared back into his impossibly green eyes staring at your own in the mirror. “It hasn’t been this bad in a long time…"
Dean’s lips lowered to your shoulder, kissing his way lightly up to your neck, his voice a low rumble against the mostly bareback. "What are they saying, sweetheart?"
"That I’m not good enough. That I’m not strong enough, not fast enough, that I’m too fat, that you’re going to…..” You let your voice trailed off, your chest tightening as if a thousand-pound weight had been sitting down on your chest, making your lungs burn for air, even though you were taking deep steady breaths…
“They’re lying sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.” Turning you around to face him, his warm hands coming up to cradle your face gently in them, making you look up at him as he searched you.
“There’s not a part of you that’s not perfect to me. There is nothing that will drive me away from you, there’s not a pound, a scar, or anything else that will ever make me leave you, you’re not gaining weight, you’re not fat, you’re not ugly, you’re not slow."
You tried to look away from him, but he gently forced your eyes back up to his.
"You’re beautiful, strong, sexy as hell, you’ve got a fire in you that I’ve never seen in anyone before, you’re determined, you’re smart, downright lethal when you want to be, you’re one of the bravest people I know. ”
His eyes held nothing but love, and devotion in them.
There wasn’t a hint of the disgust that your mind had conjured up that there would be.
For now, the voices started to recede into the dark recesses of your mind as his lips brushed yours melting you into him. Your safety, your stronghold, your rock when everything else was shifting around you, he was your stability, and he was always there... Just like right now… To chaise the monsters away…. Even monsters that you couldn’t always see… Ones that like to hide out in the dark corners of your mind…
Even though the voices would undoubtedly be back... As long as you had Dean... You would be okay...
As long as Dean was there you were never alone, you could fight this, together….
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